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Marriage Equality with a Side of Fries

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Marriage equality, LGBT immigration, the challenges same-sex married binational couples and their families face — and what marriage really means. Columnist David W. Ross explains.

Yes. I was your atypical waiter/writer/actor in L.A. But I was actually happy to be waiting tables. It meant I could focus on my writing during the day and have the time to do my homework for acting class. Yes, you can actually have homework for acting class. Quinceañera, a film I was in, had won Sundance a few months earlier and I was trying to get used to people gushing over the film (as they should, it was amazing!) and then me having to ask them if they wanted fries or salad with their burger. I was proud of the film, so it wasn’t as painful as it sounds, and I had experienced a similar thing in my early twenties in London when I had opted to work in a juice bar and journalists from my boy band days (the ones that had me on the cover were the most embarrassed) would come in and sheepishly order a carrot and ginger or banana strawberry.

This past week I was listening to NPR’s “To The Point” on KCRW radio. Warren Olney, the host, and his guests were talking about the President’s recent speech on immigration reform. They argued about the DREAM Act, the Hispanic vote and the fact that deportations are up 70% under Obama (specifically, convicted criminals). Not once did they mention LGBT immigration issues. Neither did the President, mind you. Which was obviously a bone of contention for many LGBT immigration advocates.

Shin Inouye, a White House spokesperson, said, “The president delivered this speech because he wants a constructive and civil debate on the need to fix the broken immigration system so that it meets America’s economic and security needs for the 21st century,” and finished off with, “It is fundamental for America to win the future. His remarks are not meant to be a laundry list of all the issues that immigration reform should address.”

Ouch. Laundry list. That smarted a little. Is LGBT immigration just a bullet point on a laundry list? Tell that to my friend Craig, who’s about to be deported because America (thank you, DOMA,) doesn’t recognize his U.K. marriage so his husband (whose job relocated them to New York) can’t sponsor him with a visa or green card.

Or my friends who have a family, two teenage boys, and face the threat of a knock on the door from ICE at any moment. The stress of raising two teenage boys on a relationship is one thing, but add deportation at any moment and that’s a fine mix of top stressors.

 

Now, do I want to say one day that I’m married, even if it’s still not legal? Yes. Because the word has gravitas and meaning in our culture. It means, to me, that I’ve made a commitment to someone. That I have created family with someone. That I have promised myself till death do us part. I’m into the more classic wedding vows… But maybe we shouldn’t call it marriage until it’s the same as the other marriage.


 

Now, I’m not about to rail on the President about this. I understand marriage equality, politically, is a difficult and delicate subject in this country. What I was a little miffed about and have been for several months now, is the lack of media coverage of the LGBT experience. There has been a flurry of mentions, especially when USCIS decided to halt deportations for about 24 hours in March and a little recently when the deportation of Henry Velandia, a Venezuelan who is married to an American, had his deportation put on hold by a judge in a New Jersey immigration court, the day after U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder set aside a ruling in a similar case.

But I’m constantly surprised when media outlets, (especially, for example, Warren Olney’s show this past week on NPR,) fail to mention the LGBT issue, as it relates to immigration. I realize it’s a small part of a larger issue in this country but it would have been nice to hear Warren mention the fact that there are over 30,000 bi-national couples living in this country, with over 40% of them having families. It would have been nice to hear that mentioned along side the DREAM Act and alligators in moats.

But then I have to remember, we’re just a bullet point at this point.

Maybe when we all realize the full extent of the rights missing from same-sex marriage in this country, and the human cost of laws like DOMA. Maybe then we’ll no longer be just a bullet point on Washington’s agenda.

I had a lot of regular customers at the restaurant I worked at. For most of that time I was working on “I DO,” the script I’m about to go into pre-production for (A “gay green card movie,” that highlights immigration rights for bi-national couples). Many regulars would ask me how it was going. I would recount tales of writhing on the floor, chewing my shoes, crying for hours begging my muse to let me in on her secret for what the film should “really” be about. Many times, these smart, well-educated men would joke and say they’d marry me if I needed a green card. I would just smile and say, “I’m good, thank you, but even if I did need a green card you still couldn’t marry me to keep me in the country.”

They would always look a little perplexed, “What about Massachusetts?” “We could relocate to the East coast but that still wouldn’t do it.” Then I would have to explain that immigration is a federal level right not afforded to same-sex couples. Marriage equality exists only on a state level now, and there are over 1,300 federal level rights missing. Would you like fries or salad with that burger?

It’s been amazing to work on the film and meet so many people who have been fighting for decades on the issue of LGBT immigration. I set up a campaign on Kickstarter to raise money for the film and because of that I’ve heard hundreds of stories of families being ripped apart, by time (months apart waiting for paperwork), space (Americans having to move to a country that has equal rights for same-sex marriage, leaving their birth families here in the U.S.) or Immigration & Customs Enforcement (the constant threat of a knock on the door, or mail with terrible news). Many have emailed me saying, “thank you” for writing a movie that we all hope will raise awareness for the issue. But my issue is that not enough of the LGBT community really knows just how many rights are lacking from lack of legal, state and federally-recognized civil marriage equality.

You hear the word “marriage” and you assume that it covers everything. It doesn’t. Maybe we should call it same-sex unions, or homoriage… (OK, that was terrible). But calling it “marriage” at this stage is confusing to everyone. Not to mention gasoline for the flame that is religion.

Now, do I want to say one day that I’m married, even if it’s still not legal? Yes. Because the word has gravitas and meaning in our culture. It means, to me, that I’ve made a commitment to someone. That I have created family with someone. That I have promised myself till death do us part (I’m into the more classic wedding vows.) But maybe we shouldn’t call it marriage until it’s the same as the other marriage. You know, the straight peoples’ thing. When it has all the rights, rules and privileges that a marriage should provide. Until then the fight isn’t just for the word, it’s not just for white poofy dresses or walking down the aisle in a “hetrocentric” ceremony (my friends always argue about why we should be fighting for a heterosexual institution.) It’s for protection. For family. For basic human rights.

“Two Words Can Change Everything,” is my film’s tag line, but I often wonder if I should change it to “Two Words Should Change Everything.” Being the romantic that I am, I think I prefer the first. But I’m always hopeful for the second.

 

David W. Ross is best known for the 2006 Sundance smash Quinceañera and mid-nineties chart topping boy band Bad Boys Inc. After traveling the world, David has made L.A. his home where he has penned his first feature, “I DO,” a character-driven “gay green card” movie highlighting marriage inequality.

Read David W. Ross’s most-recent previous piece at The New Civil Rights Movement, “If You Don’t Help, This Film About Same-Sex Binational Couples Won’t Get Made.”

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‘Mouthpiece for the Kremlin’: Rubio Scorched for ‘Russia Day’ Congratulations

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June 12, 2025

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U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio is being sharply criticized for his message to the Russian people, congratulating them on “Russia Day.” While it is common for the Department of State to issue such proclamations to various nations, they are typically issued with a purpose—to inform, and to advance American interests, including democracy. Secretary Rubio appears to have chosen a different approach than his predecessors, ignoring the war crimes Russia stands accused of committing.

“On behalf of the American people, I want to congratulate the Russian people on Russia Day,” Rubio’s short statement begins.

“The United States remains committed to supporting the Russian people as they continue to build on their aspirations for a brighter future. We also take this opportunity to reaffirm the United States’ desire for constructive engagement with the Russian Federation to bring about a durable peace between Russia and Ukraine. It is our hope that peace will foster more mutually beneficial relations between our countries.”

By contrast, for example, during the Biden era, U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken made very clear in his 2022 message to the people of the Russian Federation what their President and government were actually doing.

READ MORE: ‘The Generals Stay Silent’: Experts Alarmed as Trump Politicizes Army at Fort Bragg Rally

“Russian citizens, like people everywhere, deserve to live their lives free of repression and to be able to exercise their human rights and fundamental freedoms without fear of retribution,” Secretary Blinken wrote. “This includes being able to voice their opinions and peacefully participate in civil and political activities in their own country.”

Blinken accused the Kremlin of having “intensified its crackdown against civil society and independent media,” while lamenting that “many Russian citizens are behind bars for the ‘crime’ of speaking truth to power,” which he described as “internal repression.”

He also told them that the “Kremlin is waging an unprovoked and unjustified war against a sovereign, neighboring state. Russia’s government is attempting to keep its citizens in the dark about the atrocities it is committing against the people of Ukraine.”

“The Kremlin’s war, he continued, “has left Russia isolated internationally, and it is robbing Russian citizens of the possibility of building a better future in harmony with their neighbors.  This isolation is not inevitable, but results from the decisions of Russia’s leaders.”

The Atlantic Council, an American think tank, in February wrote: Russia stands accused of committing a vast array of crimes in Ukraine. Russians have allegedly engaged in the systematic targeting of Ukrainian civilians with the bombardment of civilian homes, infrastructure, churches, and schools. Alleged Russian crimes also include rape, torture, mass trafficking of adults and children, forcible disappearances, and the execution of surrendering Ukrainian soldiers.”

READ MORE: Pride Month Purge: Pentagon Chief Defends Renaming USNS Harvey Milk and Trans Ban

Critics blasted Secretary Rubio.

Calling the Secretary “just another mouthpiece for the Kremlin,” Professor of Economics Roman Sheremeta wrote that the “greeting from Marco Rubio on ‘russia day’ — a country waging a genocidal war against Ukraine — is an insult to the millions of Ukrainians who suffer daily from russian aggression.”

“Let’s be clear,” Professor Sheremeta continued, “this isn’t about ‘supporting the russian people.’ It’s about legitimizing a regime that kills, deports, tortures, and bombs civilians every day. A regime that is still committing genocide.”

Daily Beast columnist Julia Davis, a Russia expert, wrote that “Rubio’s State Department sending congratulations on Russia National Day and pining for better relations” was “an unusual way of condemning Russia’s invasion.”

Former Ukraine government official Olena Tregub is the co-founder of an anti-corruption non-governmental organization.

“A few months ago,” she wrote, “I got an email from Secretary of State Marco Rubio: our work was suspended – not in the U.S. national interest. Today, another email: congratulations to Russia on its National Day. As a Ukrainian, I got the message loud and clear.”

Marko Mihkelson, Chairman of the Foreign Affairs Committee of the Estonian Parliament, asked: “Can you imagine the U.S. Secretary of State in 1943 congratulating Nazi Germany and wishing them a bright future?”

READ MORE: ‘In This House We Don’t Interrupt’: Democrats Smack Down Treasury Secretary

 

Image via Reuters

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‘In This House We Don’t Interrupt’: Democrats Smack Down Treasury Secretary

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17 hours ago

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June 11, 2025

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House Democrats, apparently frustrated by interruptions from Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, decided to lay down the law—scolding and chastising him during Wednesday’s Ways and Means Committee hearing. Interruptions and delaying tactics, and apparent acts of “filibustering,” have been a hallmark of Trump administration officials’ testimony before Congress this week.

U.S. Rep. Stacey Plaskett, the Delegate from the U.S. Virgin Islands’ at-large district, said to Bessent, “We have seen since January 20th that the stock market overall has gone down 1.3% and gas has gone up.”

“Ma’am, that’s incorrect,” Bessent interjected.

“Excuse me,” Delegate Plaskett replied. “Let me get something straight with you first here,” she declared as the Secretary continued to try to interrupt.

READ MORE: Pride Month Purge: Pentagon Chief Defends Renaming USNS Harvey Milk and Trans Ban

“I’ve seen you interrupt everyone. When you come to someone’s house, you respect their rules. And in this house, we don’t interrupt individuals, and you’re not going to interrupt my time. I’m going to give you time to respond,” she offered.

“You may want to jot down some notes about things that you don’t agree with me on, so that you can respond to them at that time, but while I’m speaking, as the person holding this time, you will refrain from speaking, sir, until I am done.”

“I look forward—” Bessent said, interrupting again.

“Until I am done, and then I will give you time to speak, okay?” Plaskett said.

Bessent later disputed Plaskett’s facts, telling her that “the S&P, if the congresswoman would care to check Bloomberg, the stock market as judged by the S&P, which is the most widely held index by Americans’ 401(k)s, is up on the year.”

As NJ.com reported, the “S&P 500 closed at $6,049.24 on Jan. 21, 2025 and closed at $6,038.81 on June 11, 2025.”

Plaskett was not alone.

READ MORE: ‘The Generals Stay Silent’: Experts Alarmed as Trump Politicizes Army at Fort Bragg Rally

U.S. Rep. Linda Sánchez (D-CA) also berated Bessent for his constant interruptions.

“Unfortunately, you appear to be talking out of both sides of your mouth,” she told Bessent, “because you yourself have admitted, after conversations with Walmart, that some tariff costs are going to get passed on to consumers. And in fact, we’ve already seen that prices are rising on many everyday goods.”

“No, Congresswoman,” Bessent said, interrupting her remarks.

“Please don’t interrupt me,” Sánchez said.

“Today we had a 1.1% increase—” Bessent continued.

“The time is mine. Please don’t interrupt me.”

“And, and,” Bessent continued.

“I will ask you questions, and I will grant you an opportunity to answer them,” she explained, “but please don’t interrupt me during my time.”

“With pleasure,” Bessent said, interrupting her again.

“Okay, I know I’m a woman, but please try to limit yourself to answering my questions,” she urged, to which House Republicans reportedly groaned.

“No, I’m sorry,” Sánchez continued, addressing their response, “but we get talked over all the time and I don’t want that to happen at this hearing.”

Watch the videos above or at this link.

READ MORE: ‘Show. Us. The. Plan.’: Pentagon Chief Ripped for Dodging Budget Details in Heated Hearing

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Pride Month Purge: Pentagon Chief Defends Renaming USNS Harvey Milk and Trans Ban

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21 hours ago

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June 11, 2025

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U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, testifying before Congress, offered his rationale for stripping the USNS Harvey Milk of its name and for the administration’s decision to ban transgender individuals from serving in the military.

The USNS Harvey Milk is named for the assassinated veteran and LGBTQ rights advocate. Milk was gunned down in 1978 at the age of 48 while serving as a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. He was the first openly gay man elected in California.

U.S. Senator Tammy Baldwin (D-WI), appearing to question the necessity of unnaming and renaming the ship, told Secretary Hegseth: “You chose Pride month to direct the Navy to rename a ship named for Navy veteran Harvey Milk. This committee will continue to pursue serious work in the interests of American national security, and I ask you to choose to join us in that endeavor.”

READ MORE: ‘The Generals Stay Silent’: Experts Alarmed as Trump Politicizes Army at Fort Bragg Rally

Hegseth replied, “Um, Senator, we’re not interested in naming ships after activists. That’s the stance we’re taking.”

As recently as Tuesday, Hegseth told service members, “We’re not interested in your woke garbage and your political correctness.” 

Reports have stated Hegseth intentionally chose Pride Month to strip the USNS Harvey Milk, and other ships, of their names.

USNI News reported that Harvey Milk “commissioned into the Navy in 1951 and served as a diver during the Korean War on the submarine rescue ship Kittiwake. He was discharged in 1955. Milk was wearing his U.S. Navy diver belt buckle when he was shot and killed in 1978.”

Senator Baldwin also asked Hegseth to explain why he and the administration decided to ban transgender service members.

“What assessment did the Department of Defense conduct prior to implementation to evaluate the impact that this policy would have on our national security?” Baldwin asked. “Moreover, what is the cost to recruit and train thousands of individuals of comparable experience and skill?”

READ MORE: ‘Show. Us. The. Plan.’: Pentagon Chief Ripped for Dodging Budget Details in Heated Hearing

“Thankfully, recruiting is not an issue,” Hegseth claimed. “It’s historically high levels and we’re proud of the cross section of Americans in life.”

“What analysis did you do?” Baldwin pressed.

“We did extensive analysis, Senator,” Hegseth insisted, “and we agree with the assessment of the executive order that was issued by the White House, that there are mental health issues associated with gender dysphoria that complicate military service and readiness, and as a result, we made the decision.”

“I have asked for that analysis,” Baldwin stressed. “Please provide it to me and the committee.”

Studies have shown that transgender service members in the military do not negatively affect military readiness.

Watch the videos below or at this link.

RELATED: ‘Doesn’t Even Know Who He’s Talking to’: Newsom Scorches Trump Over Military Deployment

 

Image via Reuters

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