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Marriage Equality with a Side of Fries

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Marriage equality, LGBT immigration, the challenges same-sex married binational couples and their families face — and what marriage really means. Columnist David W. Ross explains.

Yes. I was your atypical waiter/writer/actor in L.A. But I was actually happy to be waiting tables. It meant I could focus on my writing during the day and have the time to do my homework for acting class. Yes, you can actually have homework for acting class. Quinceañera, a film I was in, had won Sundance a few months earlier and I was trying to get used to people gushing over the film (as they should, it was amazing!) and then me having to ask them if they wanted fries or salad with their burger. I was proud of the film, so it wasn’t as painful as it sounds, and I had experienced a similar thing in my early twenties in London when I had opted to work in a juice bar and journalists from my boy band days (the ones that had me on the cover were the most embarrassed) would come in and sheepishly order a carrot and ginger or banana strawberry.

This past week I was listening to NPR’s “To The Point” on KCRW radio. Warren Olney, the host, and his guests were talking about the President’s recent speech on immigration reform. They argued about the DREAM Act, the Hispanic vote and the fact that deportations are up 70% under Obama (specifically, convicted criminals). Not once did they mention LGBT immigration issues. Neither did the President, mind you. Which was obviously a bone of contention for many LGBT immigration advocates.

Shin Inouye, a White House spokesperson, said, “The president delivered this speech because he wants a constructive and civil debate on the need to fix the broken immigration system so that it meets America’s economic and security needs for the 21st century,” and finished off with, “It is fundamental for America to win the future. His remarks are not meant to be a laundry list of all the issues that immigration reform should address.”

Ouch. Laundry list. That smarted a little. Is LGBT immigration just a bullet point on a laundry list? Tell that to my friend Craig, who’s about to be deported because America (thank you, DOMA,) doesn’t recognize his U.K. marriage so his husband (whose job relocated them to New York) can’t sponsor him with a visa or green card.

Or my friends who have a family, two teenage boys, and face the threat of a knock on the door from ICE at any moment. The stress of raising two teenage boys on a relationship is one thing, but add deportation at any moment and that’s a fine mix of top stressors.

 

Now, do I want to say one day that I’m married, even if it’s still not legal? Yes. Because the word has gravitas and meaning in our culture. It means, to me, that I’ve made a commitment to someone. That I have created family with someone. That I have promised myself till death do us part. I’m into the more classic wedding vows… But maybe we shouldn’t call it marriage until it’s the same as the other marriage.


 

Now, I’m not about to rail on the President about this. I understand marriage equality, politically, is a difficult and delicate subject in this country. What I was a little miffed about and have been for several months now, is the lack of media coverage of the LGBT experience. There has been a flurry of mentions, especially when USCIS decided to halt deportations for about 24 hours in March and a little recently when the deportation of Henry Velandia, a Venezuelan who is married to an American, had his deportation put on hold by a judge in a New Jersey immigration court, the day after U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder set aside a ruling in a similar case.

But I’m constantly surprised when media outlets, (especially, for example, Warren Olney’s show this past week on NPR,) fail to mention the LGBT issue, as it relates to immigration. I realize it’s a small part of a larger issue in this country but it would have been nice to hear Warren mention the fact that there are over 30,000 bi-national couples living in this country, with over 40% of them having families. It would have been nice to hear that mentioned along side the DREAM Act and alligators in moats.

But then I have to remember, we’re just a bullet point at this point.

Maybe when we all realize the full extent of the rights missing from same-sex marriage in this country, and the human cost of laws like DOMA. Maybe then we’ll no longer be just a bullet point on Washington’s agenda.

I had a lot of regular customers at the restaurant I worked at. For most of that time I was working on “I DO,” the script I’m about to go into pre-production for (A “gay green card movie,” that highlights immigration rights for bi-national couples). Many regulars would ask me how it was going. I would recount tales of writhing on the floor, chewing my shoes, crying for hours begging my muse to let me in on her secret for what the film should “really” be about. Many times, these smart, well-educated men would joke and say they’d marry me if I needed a green card. I would just smile and say, “I’m good, thank you, but even if I did need a green card you still couldn’t marry me to keep me in the country.”

They would always look a little perplexed, “What about Massachusetts?” “We could relocate to the East coast but that still wouldn’t do it.” Then I would have to explain that immigration is a federal level right not afforded to same-sex couples. Marriage equality exists only on a state level now, and there are over 1,300 federal level rights missing. Would you like fries or salad with that burger?

It’s been amazing to work on the film and meet so many people who have been fighting for decades on the issue of LGBT immigration. I set up a campaign on Kickstarter to raise money for the film and because of that I’ve heard hundreds of stories of families being ripped apart, by time (months apart waiting for paperwork), space (Americans having to move to a country that has equal rights for same-sex marriage, leaving their birth families here in the U.S.) or Immigration & Customs Enforcement (the constant threat of a knock on the door, or mail with terrible news). Many have emailed me saying, “thank you” for writing a movie that we all hope will raise awareness for the issue. But my issue is that not enough of the LGBT community really knows just how many rights are lacking from lack of legal, state and federally-recognized civil marriage equality.

You hear the word “marriage” and you assume that it covers everything. It doesn’t. Maybe we should call it same-sex unions, or homoriage… (OK, that was terrible). But calling it “marriage” at this stage is confusing to everyone. Not to mention gasoline for the flame that is religion.

Now, do I want to say one day that I’m married, even if it’s still not legal? Yes. Because the word has gravitas and meaning in our culture. It means, to me, that I’ve made a commitment to someone. That I have created family with someone. That I have promised myself till death do us part (I’m into the more classic wedding vows.) But maybe we shouldn’t call it marriage until it’s the same as the other marriage. You know, the straight peoples’ thing. When it has all the rights, rules and privileges that a marriage should provide. Until then the fight isn’t just for the word, it’s not just for white poofy dresses or walking down the aisle in a “hetrocentric” ceremony (my friends always argue about why we should be fighting for a heterosexual institution.) It’s for protection. For family. For basic human rights.

“Two Words Can Change Everything,” is my film’s tag line, but I often wonder if I should change it to “Two Words Should Change Everything.” Being the romantic that I am, I think I prefer the first. But I’m always hopeful for the second.

 

David W. Ross is best known for the 2006 Sundance smash Quinceañera and mid-nineties chart topping boy band Bad Boys Inc. After traveling the world, David has made L.A. his home where he has penned his first feature, “I DO,” a character-driven “gay green card” movie highlighting marriage inequality.

Read David W. Ross’s most-recent previous piece at The New Civil Rights Movement, “If You Don’t Help, This Film About Same-Sex Binational Couples Won’t Get Made.”

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News

Harris Goes All in With Fox News, Charlamagne, and Possibly Rogan Interviews

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October 15, 2024

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Vice President Kamala Harris is pulling out all the stops with just three weeks until Election Day and early voting currently underway in dozens of states. As the polls show the race between the Democratic presidential nominee and Donald Trump tightening, Harris is heading into less-friendly territory this week, sitting down for an interview with Fox News on Wednesday, Charlemagne the God Tuesday afternoon, and possibly even Joe Rogan.

Harris reportedly is looking to make gains with male voters, and she will instantly gain access to millions of them—many of whom may not be current supporters— with these interviews.

“Charlamagne, a Black comedian and author who hosts radio program ‘The Breakfast Club,’ is known for his blunt interviews of celebrities,” Reuters reports. “A Harris supporter, he has been critical of her and President Joe Biden in the past and called Democrats ‘cowards’ for ineffectively prosecuting a case against Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump.”

READ MORE: ‘Petulant Toddler’ Trump Smacked Down by British Journalist at Chicago Economic Club

Tuesday’s show will be a town hall style event, “recorded live in Detroit, Michigan, a key swing state in this year’s race. It comes amid a busy week for Harris, who is campaigning in the Great Lake State, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin,” USA Today adds. “The radio personality and comedian asked Michigan residents to submit questions before his chat with Harris.”

Charlamagne has eight million monthly listeners. Tuesday’s interview, “We the People: An Audio Town Hall with Kamala Harris” can be heard at 5:00 PM ET on iHeartRadio.

“The interview will offer Harris an opportunity to make her case to his followers, as she works to shore up support with male voters and Black men in particular. Numerous public polls suggest Republican nominee Donald Trump could outperform among young men of all races,” Reuters adds. “On Monday, the vice president released a new set of policy proposals to appeal to Black male voters and her campaign is ramping up outreach to the typically Democratic voting group.”

The Harris campaign is also currently in talks with Joe Rogan, the nation’s number one podcaster whose show, “The Joe Rogan Experience,” has 14.5 million followers.

READ MORE: ‘He’s Not Ok’: Questions of Trump’s ‘Cognitive Decline’ Explode Amid ‘Bizarre Behavior’

Some Harris supporters are wary of her Fox News and possible Rogan interviews, but some say the Vice President should do them.

“Fox News and Rogan in the closing weeks,” notes Adam Carlson, a market researcher and former pollster. “It’s almost as if she was waiting until voters were the most tuned in to do these types of interviews. It’s almost as if her campaign knows what it’s doing.”

“If you hate Fox News & Joe Rogan (as I do), then good,” Carlson also says, “These interviews aren’t for you. You’re already voting for her.”

“Fox News is targeting the small but important block of Rs that don’t like Trump,” he adds. “Rogan is for men & less engaged/low info voters.”

“The goal is to win not placate.”

Matthew Sheffield, a self-described former right-wing operative turned progressive podcaster, adds: “Kamala Harris going on Joe Rogan is a long overdue for a major Dem. He and Alex Cooper occupy similar cultural niches. Rogan is conservative, but he’s not a Fox hack. This group needs to be addressed rather than ceded to Trump. She’s got the facts his audience needs.”

READ MORE: Trump Campaign Furious Walz Using Trump’s Own ‘Reckless, Dangerous Rhetoric’ Against Him

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News

‘Petulant Toddler’ Trump Smacked Down by British Journalist at Chicago Economic Club

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3 hours ago

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October 15, 2024

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Donald Trump sat down for a live interview with the editor-in-chief of Bloomberg News Tuesday afternoon at the Economic Club of Chicago, and quickly grew defensive when questioned about his economic policies as the journalist explained to him how they will harm the American economy.

At one point Trump sat back in his chair and folded his arms in a defensive posture before telling his host,”You’ve been wrong, you’ve been wrong all your life.”

John Micklethwait has served as Bloomberg’s editor-in-chief since 2015 and previously in the same role at The Economist, starting in 2006.

“President Trump,” Micklethwait said, “the markets are looking at the facts. You are making all these promises—latest one was car loans—you’re flooding the thing with giveaways.”

READ MORE: ‘He’s Not Ok’: Questions of Trump’s ‘Cognitive Decline’ Explode Amid ‘Bizarre Behavior’

“I was actually quite kind to you,” Micklethwait continued as Trump tried to interrupt. “I used seven trillion, the upper estimate is 15 trillion,” he said of the debt Trump’s policies could create. “People like The Wall Street Journal, who is hardly a communist organization, have criticized you on this as well.”

Trump interjected, “Yeah, but you don’t know.”

“You are running up enormous debt,” Micklethwait told him.

“What is The Wall Street Journal know? I’m meeting with them tomorrow,” Trump said.

“What does The Wall Street Journal know, they’ve been wrong about everything,” the ex-president, in defensive mode, continued. “So have you, by the way. You are wrong, by the way.”

“You’re trying to turn this, you’re trying to turn this —” Micklethwait interjected before Trump again attacked by saying, “You’ve been wrong.”

“You’re trying to turn you’re trying to turn this into a debate,” the journalist countered. “There are business people —” he added, pointing to the audience.

READ MORE: Trump Abruptly Cancels Another Interview, This Time With a Trump-Friendly CNBC Host

“But you’ve been wrong,” Trump argued. “You’ve been wrong, you’ve been wrong all your life on this stuff.”

Mother Jones’ David Corn responded to the video (below), writing: “This is a man incapable of listening to others. His aides have said that for years. He cannot absorb information that challenges anything in his big brain. It’s hyper-narcissism. And the business class ought to worry about this and not just drool over tax cuts.”

Former Lincoln Project executive director Fred Wellman, also responding to the video, said, “Look how he crosses his arms like a petulant toddler.”

Watch below or at this link.

READ MORE: Trump Campaign Furious Walz Using Trump’s Own ‘Reckless, Dangerous Rhetoric’ Against Him

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OPINION

‘He’s Not Ok’: Questions of Trump’s ‘Cognitive Decline’ Explode Amid ‘Bizarre Behavior’

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5 hours ago

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October 15, 2024

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Nobel Prize-winning economist, professor, and popular New York Times opinion writer Paul Krugman on Monday published, “Trump Has Become Unmoored in Time.” In it he closes by asking, “what would Trump say about an opponent who, like him, seems stuck in the past, who routinely describes America in ways that suggest that he doesn’t know what year it is?”

On Tuesday Krugman posted a link to his piece on the social media platform X, and wrote: “This was filed before Trump’s bizarre behavior at his latest rallies. Maybe I was too polite in describing one aspect of his cognitive decline.”

Krugman is not alone in calling out what some are calling Donald Trump’s apparent cognitive decline, which seems to have become increasingly obvious over the past few days, and especially since Monday evening.

At a town hall in the suburbs of Philadelphia last night, two medical issues among audience members led the Republican presidential nominee to decide he would no longer take questions (he had taken just a handful) and declare the Q&A over. Instead, Trump said, he would like to play some music. The “impromptu D.J. session,” as The New York Times generously called it, and a “bizarre musical event,” according to NPR, went on for 30 to 40 minutes.

“Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music,” Trump told supporters at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center. “Let’s make it into a music ——. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?”

RELATED: Trump Abruptly Cancels Another Interview, This Time With a Trump-Friendly CNBC Host

South Dakota Republican Governor Kristi Noem, who was acting as the town hall’s host, asked Trump, “Well sir, do you want to play your song and then greet a few people?” After the ex-president, apparently not understanding, questioned her, she explained, “Well, you had said you wanted to close with a specific song.”

The GOP presidential nominee spent the rest of the evening on stage listening to music and occasionally dancing (photo.)

Trump on social media described the evening: “I had a Town Hall in Pennsylvania last night. It was amazing! The Q and A was almost finished when people began fainting from the excitement and heat. We started playing music while we waited, and just kept it going. So different, but it ended up being a GREAT EVENING!”

He also called those who suffered medical emergencies “patriots,” as ABC News reported, which he has done before under similar circumstances.

“‘Would anybody else like to faint?’ Trump said as the second person made their way out of the Expo Center.”

Former Trump White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci remarked, “The October surprise is that Trump has completely lost his marbles.”

Even a Fox News reporter found the event “very strange.”

“That thing Trump did last night is not explainable and it is not small,” an apparently concerned U.S. Senator Brian Schatz (D-HI) wrote. “It shows that he’s increasingly detached from reality. Everyone knows if Biden or Harris did that it would be media mayhem. He’s not ok, and you can’t ignore it anymore.”

READ MORE: Trump Campaign Furious Walz Using Trump’s Own ‘Reckless, Dangerous Rhetoric’ Against Him

Filmmaker and podcaster Andy Ostroy called it, “the craziest shit I’ve ever seen in politics.”

While only a qualified medical professional can make diagnoses, more than a few commenters on social media suggested Trump was “sundowning,” a term the Mayo Clinic describes as “a group of symptoms that occurs at a specific time of the day. These symptoms may affect people with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia.”

Professor of Politics Jack Pitney, who left the Republican Party when Trump was elected in 2016, is the author of several books including, “Un-American: the Fake Patriotism of Donald J. Trump.”

He writes: “Kristi Noem’s face during Trump’s sundowning episode gives a whole new meaning to Raymond Chandler’s phrase: “that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream.”

Political scientist and professor David Darmofal adds, “I know the symptoms of dementia extremely well from being a caregiver for 7 years. 78-year-old Trump’s father had Alzheimer’s & now he’s showing undeniable symptoms of cognitive decline. I’m begging our national media to address this issue.”

“Donald Trump’s dementia is NOT a political issue,” declared SiriusXM host Dean Obeidallah, “it’s a national security issue. Trump could be easily controlled/manipulated by top aides and foreign leaders to do what they want. This DEMANDS coverage from the corporate media!”

“There is something profoundly broken in our national press corps. Trump clearly had some kind of a mental break last night – those of us who have family members with dementia recognize it. He didn’t know where he was. And they’re pretending it was nothing,” Democratic strategist Laura Chapin said.

Trump’s night did not end with his town hall music event.

In the early morning hours of Tuesday, the ex-president, who remains a convicted felon awaiting sentencing on November 26, lashed out at his Democratic opponent, Vice President Kamala Harris—while defending his mental health and attacking her recently-released and very-detailed physician’s report.

“Harris ‘remains in excellent health,’ her physician, Dr. Joshua Simmons, said in a letter on Saturday,” ABC News reported. The report also stated: “She possesses the physical and mental resilience required to successfully execute the duties of the presidency, to include those as Chief Executive, Head of State and Commander in Chief.”

“The doctor pointed to seasonal allergies and hives (urticaria) as a ‘notable’ part of her health history,” ABC added. “He also listed a number of over-the-counter medications used to improve her symptoms, which he said have never been ‘severe.'”

Trump, on his Truth Social platform, proceeded to falsely characterize the details of Harris’s medical report.

“As to her completely desperate request for my Medical Statements, she is dying to see my Cholesterol (which is 180!), I have already provided them, many times, including quite recently, and they were flawless,” Trump claimed. He has never released a thoroughly-detailed medical report.

“However, I have just seen Kamala’s Report, and it is not good. According to her Doctor’s Report, she suffers from ‘urticaria,’ defined as ‘a rash of round, red welts on the skin that itch intensely, sometimes with dangerous swelling.’ She also has ‘allergic rhinitis and allergic conjunctivitis,’ a very messy and dangerous situation. These are deeply serious conditions that clearly impact her functioning. Maybe that is why she can’t answer even the simplest of questions asked by 60 Minutes, and others. What is this all about? I don’t have these problems…”

“…I’ve put out more Medical Exams than any other President in History, and aced two Cognitive Exams (the Doctor stated that my ‘cognitive exams were exceptional!’),” Trump continued. “I am far healthier than Clinton, Bush, Obama, Biden, but especially, Kamala. Also, I am far too busy campaigning to take time, from the 22 days left, as I am using every hour, of every day, campaigning, because we have to take back our Country from the Radical Left people that are destroying it. MAGA2024!”

Right now, “dementia” is trending on the social media platform X, formerly Twitter.

Watch the videos and social media posts above or at this link.

READ MORE: ‘Is He OK?’: Trump’s Dark of Night Rage Posting Backfires

 

 

 

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