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Herman Cain, America’s Favorite New Bully

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Barring a late entry by Zombie Reagan, it looks like we now have a final lineup of contestants for the 2012 cycle of So You Think You Can Beat Obama. Chris Christie, after spending weeks teasing dissatisfied Republicans to near climax by threatening to run for the nomination, has instead hopped the closest state funded helicopter and flown back to New Jersey, probably at taxpayer expense. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin dominated the news cycle for almost thirty whole minutes by announcing that she too would decline a presidential run, not because of the fact that the she’d have a better chance at winning a science fair than she would the presidency, but because, as she told Mark Levin, “Not being a candidate, really you are unshackled and you’re able to be even more active.” This is Mamma Grizzly talk for, “Running for president is hard and doesn’t pay well, and anyway I’d rather spend my days criticizing people and updating my Facebook status. Oh, and I’m doing YouTube now, cause on that you don’t even have to spellcheck.”

This leaves eight culture warriors vying to be the name plastered on all those poster board signs when the balloons drop in Tampa next August. Most of these people have no chance at all. We do not need to trouble ourselves with the notion of a Newt Gingrich Presidency. Michele Bachmann isn’t going to happen.

And then there is Jon Huntsman, who is is a somewhat reasonable man, stuck in a desperately crazy party. He is not horrible on gay rights, at least as far as Republicans go, but ultimately Jon Huntsman is the guy who has shown up at the costume party not wearing a costume. He stands out for looking so normal. You will not find any tri-cornered hats in this man’s closet, which is why his campaign is doomed. Rather than run for president, he should be put behind glass in a museum as an example of what Republicans looked like before The Republican Revolution made being an arrogant asshole cool again.

 

So now Herman Cain is a man of science. Evolution and climate change are liberal conspiracies, but on homosexuality, he’s all about the science.

 

No, this race has come down to three people. First, we have Rick Perry, who I believe to be a secretly brilliant performance artist disguised as a hopelessly confused cardboard caricature of a Republican candidate. And let’s not forget Mitt Romney, who would wear a party dress and give head on television if he thought it would get him elected president. Also, for some odd reason, Herman Cain.

Out of nowhere, the seemingly pointless vanity candidacy of Herman Cain has evolved into something of a legitimate threat, mostly because the ever baffling Rick Perry has already begun to implode, either because he is a terrible candidate, or because he is our generation’s Andy Kaufman. (It’s totally the second one. I just can’t prove it.) Regardless, it’s not working out, and Perry is collapsing in the polls. Rather than settle with Mitt Romney, who is despised by giant sections of the Republican party, they have decided to give a shot to the AAA player of the moment, Herman Cain. Maybe they think his 9-9-9 plan is clever marketing, despite the fact that it is outrageously stupid fiscal policy. (For more on this look, well, anywhere.)

What does this mean? Mostly that Herman Cain gets to be on TV a lot now. He’ll probably grace the cover of Time Magazine before too long, and for a few weeks we will have to pretend like he has a real shot. And who knows, he might. (Hint: He doesn’t.)

What we do get to be treated to is raw Herman Cain. More TV means more talking, which means more “straight talk,” or as everyone else calls it, “making amateurish campaign mistakes and other totally unforced errors because Herman Cain is in no way ready for all of this attention.”

This brings me to Joy Behar. While on his, “I really can’t believe I am relevant right now” national media tour he was asked by Joy Behar whether or not he thought that homosexuality was a choice. He replied with an unequivocal “Yes.” Then we got this:

“Well, you show me the science that it’s not and I’ll be persuaded. Right now it’s my opinion against the opinions of others who feel differently. That’s just a difference of opinions.”

Oh so now Herman Cain is a man of science. Evolution and climate change are liberal conspiracies, but on this issue, he’s all about the data.

Fine then. If all it takes is a little hard evidence, then how about this or this? If that’s not to your liking, then what about this, this, or this?

Or perhaps this statement from the American Medical Association will be sufficient. It says that:

(The AMA) opposes, the use of “reparative” or “conversion” therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a priori assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation.

I bet none of this is enough for Herman Cain. He is a liar, and his views have nothing to do with science. This is about something else altogether. You see, this is not the first time Scientist Herman Cain has weighed in on the subject of homosexuality as a choice, though this time, it’s not the science of the matter that has him convinced. From CBS News:

“I believe homosexuality is a sin because I’m a Bible-believing Christian, I believe it’s a sin,” he said. “But I know that some people make that choice. That’s their choice.”

Cain was asked: “So you believe it’s a choice?”

“I believe it is a choice,” he responded.

Well that doesn’t sound like a very scientific rationale. Which is it Herman Cain? Is it because you don’t find the science convincing, or because the Bible says so? You can’t have both. Well you can, but it makes you a poor scientist and an even worse “Bible-beliving” Christian.

And why would this matter anyway?

I suppose, for him and people like him, convincing themselves that homosexuality is a choice makes it easier to support Constitutional amendments denying LGBT people marriage equality, to pursue the reinstatement of DADT, and to veto the Employment Non-Discrimination Act.

Let’s just break that down. Pretend for a moment that being gay is a choice. Herman Cain is saying that if you elect homosexuality, you should be kicked out of the Army, fired, and denied access to the legal protections necessary to form a family with the person of your choice. Because of Jesus, apparently. It’s okay to defame, demean, and devalue an entire class of people if you don’t agree with their choices. That doesn’t make you righteous, it makes you an awful person.

But of course, being gay is obviously not a choice. Here is a fun rule: If you can “choose” to be gay, and then “choose” to be straight, then you are bisexual. I suspect none of the people using the “choice” rationale actually believe it. It’s just something they say so they can publicly justify their despicable behavior toward LGBT people. It’s the cover bullies use so they can sleep at night.

No, Herman Cain doesn’t like gay people, and doesn’t want to be forced to live in a world where it’s unacceptable to be nasty to them. This is what conservatives are talking about when they express fears of homosexual “normalization.”

That, or he is suggesting that everyone is bi. If so, that sort of brings a new meaning to “The Cain Train.” Maybe I’m in for a ticket after all.

 

Benjamin Phillips is a Humor Writer, Web Developer, Civics Nerd, and all around crank that spends entirely too much time shouting with deep exasperation at the television, especially whenever cable news is on. He lives in St. Louis, MO and spends most of his time staring at various LCD screens, occasionally taking walks in the park whenever his boyfriend becomes sufficiently convinced that Benjamin is becoming a reclusive hermit person. He is available for children’s parties, provided that those children are entertained by hearing a complete windbag talk for two hours about the importance of science education, or worse yet, poorly researched anecdotes PROVING that James Buchanan was totally gay. If civilization were to collapse due to zombie hoards or nuclear holocaust, Benjamin would be among the first to die as he has no useful skills of any kind. The post-apocalyptic hellscape has no real need for homosexual computer programmers who can name all the presidents in order, as well as the actors who have played all eleven incarnations of Doctor Who.

 

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News

Congressman Pummeled for Praising Students Mocking Black Protester With Monkey Sounds

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10 hours ago

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May 3, 2024

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U.S. Rep. Mike Collins, Republican of Georgia, is under fire after praising University of Mississippi students, some wearing American flag outfits, mocking a Black woman protester by making monkey sounds and shouting, “lock her up.”

“Counter-protestors at the University of Mississippi made racist remarks — including monkey noises and comparisons to Lizzo — towards a Black woman who was part of a planned protest against the war in Gaza,” Los Angeles Magazine reported Friday.

Collins, who tried to defund Vice President Kamala Harris’ Office in November, declared his support for the counter-protesters at “Ole Miss,” as the University is called.

“Ole Miss taking care of business,” he wrote on social media, atop the video (below).

The counter-protesters, as evidenced in the video, appear to be mostly white.

A large number of users on the social media platform X responded, accusing the Congressman and the counter-protesters of racism.

“When is the inevitable ‘I don’t have a racist bone in my body’ tweet coming,” wondered Rewire News Group editor-at-large Imani Gandy.

“Which part is your favorite, Mike?” asked Fred Wellman, the former executive director of The Lincoln Project. “Is it the white kid acting like a monkey at the black woman or the white security guy acting like she’s a threat? I’m trying to figure out which flavor of racism has you all excited the most?”

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Harvard Law Cyberlaw Clinic clinical instructor Alejandra Caraballo responded to the Georgia GOP congressman, “Thanks for confirming you’re a massive racist piece of sh*t.”

Mississippi Free Press news editor Ashton Pittman wrote: “Rep. Mike Collins, R-Georgia, praises a video showing a University of Mississippi frat boy dancing like a monkey and making monkey noises near a Black woman student who was protesting for Palestine while other frat boys chant ‘lock her up.'”

In a separate post describing a separate video taken of the same group Pittman wrote: “Frat bros at @OleMiss chant, ‘Lizzo! Lizzo!’ and shout, ‘F**k you fatass, f**k you b*tch’ at a Black woman who was protesting for Palestine. Do people really think these counterprotestors are doing it to support Jews?”

Journalist John Harwood did not mince words, writing, “Congressman proud of the racism.”

“Okay, Mike. We get it,” wrote podcast host, documentary director, and author W. Kamau Bell. “You want to be famous for being a racist. Fine. I’ll help you become a famous racist. You’re welcome.”

The original video is here.

See Rep. Collins’ post and the video below or at this link.

Caution: the video is disturbing.

READ MORE: Noem Heads to Mar-a-Lago After Branding Kids She Ministered in Church ‘Little Tyrants’

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Noem Heads to Mar-a-Lago After Branding Kids She Ministered in Church ‘Little Tyrants’

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14 hours ago

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May 3, 2024

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Amid more damning revelations from her soon-to-be released book, embattled South Dakota Republican Governor Kristi Noem will head to Mar-a-Lago this weekend as ex-president Donald Trump auditions potential vice presidential picks in front of high-dollar donors. Noem was also slated to attend a Republican fundraiser in Colorado this weekend but it was canceled over alleged safety concerns after news broke she had bragged about shooting her 14-month old dog.

While Noem’s shooting to death of her wirehaired pointer, Cricket, which she detailed in the book, is still making headlines overnight a new revelation made news: Noem falsely claims in her book she met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

A spokesperson for Noem “seemed to concede that the Kim story was false Thursday night,” and notified her publisher, Politico’s Ryan Lizza reported in his exclusive.

But less noticed appears to be the actual text of Noem’s false story, in which she brands children she ministered in church “little tyrants,” and compared them to the murderous North Korean dictator.

READ MORE: RFK Jr., Embracing Far-Right, Spoke at Fundraiser for Anti-Government Group With J6 Ties

“Through my tenure on the House Armed Services Committee,” Noem wrote, according to Politico, “I had the chance to travel to many countries to meet with world leaders. I remember when I met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. I’m sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants (I’d been a children’s pastor, after all).”

CNBC reported this week Trump “will mingle with potential vice presidential running mates and wealthy Republican donors at the Republican National Committee’s spring donor retreat. The meetings are likely to act as informal tryouts for a short list of politicos in the running to join the Trump ticket.”

The list of Republican “special guests” includes U.S. Senators Marco Rubio, Tim Scott, and J.D. Vance, Rep. Elise Stefanik, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, and South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem.

Also expected to attend are House Speaker Mike Johnson, U.S. Reps. Byron Donalds of Florida and Wesley Hunt of Texas, former GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, and other elected Republicans along with RNC co-chair Lara Trump.

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NBC News, which says Rep. Donalds is also under consideration, on Friday added there will be “a fundraising retreat that could serve as a screening session” for potential vice presidential running mates.

Meanwhile, the Jefferson County, Colorado Republican Party chair announced a fundraising dinner Noem was slated to attend was canceled after threats were made, The Denver Post reports.

“We understood there was a planned organized protest outside of the hotel, led by Progress Now,” Nancy Pallozzi said. “I felt that our event would be negatively impacted, and we could not take the risk that those who made threats would cause physical harm.”

 

 

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RFK Jr., Embracing Far-Right, Spoke at Fundraiser for Anti-Government Group With J6 Ties

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15 hours ago

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May 3, 2024

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Over the weekend independent 2024 presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. spoke at a fundraiser for a far-right anti-government group in Erie County, New York – a slice of the country that had a large proportion of residents arrested and charged for crimes related to the January 6 insurrection. Kennedy, a conspiracy theorist and vaccine denialist, increasingly is embracing the far-right.

“That group, Constitutional Coalition of New York State, has founders who not only have ties to Donald Trump but are also connected to the stop-the-steal movement through their activist network, which includes groups that had a presence at the Capitol on Jan. 6,” The Daily Beast reported Friday. “It’s yet another instance of Kennedy—who is mounting one of the most well-funded third-party presidential threats in decades—serving as a peculiar bridge between his own anti-establishment movement and Trump’s.”

The Southern Poverty Law Center includes the Constitutional Coalition of New York State (CCNYS) on its page of anti-government groups. Political Research Associates, which detailed the high proportion of January 6 residents arrested and charged, included the Constitutional Coalition of New York State in its February report on “The Rise of the Far Right in Western New York.”

READ MORE: Election Denialism Embraced by ‘Large Proportion’ of Trump’s Followers: Report

“If you don’t think the government is lying to you, you’re not paying attention,” Kennedy told attendees at the CCNYS fundraiser, The Buffalo News reports.

“CCNYS founders Nick and Nancie Orticelli are also affiliated with the Watchmen, a nearby militia who Nick has encouraged his social media followers to join. The Watchmen had several members at the Capitol on Jan. 6, and one member, Pete Harding, is still facing charges for violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds,” The Daily Beast noted. “Nancie Orticelli has also hosted the Watchmen’s founder, Charles Pellien, on her weekly radio show on several occasions.”

One of Kennedy’s goals in traveling to New York was to get on the ballot for the November presidential election. Various polls show him taking votes from both President Joe Biden and ex-president Donald Trump, but Kennedy currently has only qualified to be on the ballot in three states, Utah, Michigan and Hawaii, the newspaper reported.

But The Washington Post on Thursday reported The American Independent Party of California, which has a history of “far-right ties,” and “backed segregationist and former Alabama governor George Wallace in 1968, nominated Kennedy for president.”

Kennedy “said this week that he has qualified to be on the ballot in California and will accept the nomination of the American Independent Party, which has a history of associating itself with far-right figures and individuals who have expressed racist views.”

Some news reports and RFK Jr. himself say the Trump campaign was actively courting Kennedy, attempting to convince him to consider being the ex-president’s 2024 vice presidential running mate.

“That MAGA dalliance with Kennedy could be coming back to bite the Trump campaign, some Republicans close to the former president worry,” The Daily Beast also reported.

“’They can only blame themselves,’ a Trump-aligned strategist told The Daily Beast, requesting anonymity to speak candidly about private conversations about the risk Kennedy poses, ‘because they cozied up to him and thought it was funny.’”

Watch WIVBTV’s report on Kennedy’s trip to New York below or at this link.

READ MORE: Trump Won’t Commit to Accepting Election Results if He Doesn’t Win State He Falsely Claims He Won

 

 

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