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Marriage Equality with a Side of Fries

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Marriage equality, LGBT immigration, the challenges same-sex married binational couples and their families face — and what marriage really means. Columnist David W. Ross explains.

Yes. I was your atypical waiter/writer/actor in L.A. But I was actually happy to be waiting tables. It meant I could focus on my writing during the day and have the time to do my homework for acting class. Yes, you can actually have homework for acting class. Quinceañera, a film I was in, had won Sundance a few months earlier and I was trying to get used to people gushing over the film (as they should, it was amazing!) and then me having to ask them if they wanted fries or salad with their burger. I was proud of the film, so it wasn’t as painful as it sounds, and I had experienced a similar thing in my early twenties in London when I had opted to work in a juice bar and journalists from my boy band days (the ones that had me on the cover were the most embarrassed) would come in and sheepishly order a carrot and ginger or banana strawberry.

This past week I was listening to NPR’s “To The Point” on KCRW radio. Warren Olney, the host, and his guests were talking about the President’s recent speech on immigration reform. They argued about the DREAM Act, the Hispanic vote and the fact that deportations are up 70% under Obama (specifically, convicted criminals). Not once did they mention LGBT immigration issues. Neither did the President, mind you. Which was obviously a bone of contention for many LGBT immigration advocates.

Shin Inouye, a White House spokesperson, said, “The president delivered this speech because he wants a constructive and civil debate on the need to fix the broken immigration system so that it meets America’s economic and security needs for the 21st century,” and finished off with, “It is fundamental for America to win the future. His remarks are not meant to be a laundry list of all the issues that immigration reform should address.”

Ouch. Laundry list. That smarted a little. Is LGBT immigration just a bullet point on a laundry list? Tell that to my friend Craig, who’s about to be deported because America (thank you, DOMA,) doesn’t recognize his U.K. marriage so his husband (whose job relocated them to New York) can’t sponsor him with a visa or green card.

Or my friends who have a family, two teenage boys, and face the threat of a knock on the door from ICE at any moment. The stress of raising two teenage boys on a relationship is one thing, but add deportation at any moment and that’s a fine mix of top stressors.

 

Now, do I want to say one day that I’m married, even if it’s still not legal? Yes. Because the word has gravitas and meaning in our culture. It means, to me, that I’ve made a commitment to someone. That I have created family with someone. That I have promised myself till death do us part. I’m into the more classic wedding vows… But maybe we shouldn’t call it marriage until it’s the same as the other marriage.


 

Now, I’m not about to rail on the President about this. I understand marriage equality, politically, is a difficult and delicate subject in this country. What I was a little miffed about and have been for several months now, is the lack of media coverage of the LGBT experience. There has been a flurry of mentions, especially when USCIS decided to halt deportations for about 24 hours in March and a little recently when the deportation of Henry Velandia, a Venezuelan who is married to an American, had his deportation put on hold by a judge in a New Jersey immigration court, the day after U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder set aside a ruling in a similar case.

But I’m constantly surprised when media outlets, (especially, for example, Warren Olney’s show this past week on NPR,) fail to mention the LGBT issue, as it relates to immigration. I realize it’s a small part of a larger issue in this country but it would have been nice to hear Warren mention the fact that there are over 30,000 bi-national couples living in this country, with over 40% of them having families. It would have been nice to hear that mentioned along side the DREAM Act and alligators in moats.

But then I have to remember, we’re just a bullet point at this point.

Maybe when we all realize the full extent of the rights missing from same-sex marriage in this country, and the human cost of laws like DOMA. Maybe then we’ll no longer be just a bullet point on Washington’s agenda.

I had a lot of regular customers at the restaurant I worked at. For most of that time I was working on “I DO,” the script I’m about to go into pre-production for (A “gay green card movie,” that highlights immigration rights for bi-national couples). Many regulars would ask me how it was going. I would recount tales of writhing on the floor, chewing my shoes, crying for hours begging my muse to let me in on her secret for what the film should “really” be about. Many times, these smart, well-educated men would joke and say they’d marry me if I needed a green card. I would just smile and say, “I’m good, thank you, but even if I did need a green card you still couldn’t marry me to keep me in the country.”

They would always look a little perplexed, “What about Massachusetts?” “We could relocate to the East coast but that still wouldn’t do it.” Then I would have to explain that immigration is a federal level right not afforded to same-sex couples. Marriage equality exists only on a state level now, and there are over 1,300 federal level rights missing. Would you like fries or salad with that burger?

It’s been amazing to work on the film and meet so many people who have been fighting for decades on the issue of LGBT immigration. I set up a campaign on Kickstarter to raise money for the film and because of that I’ve heard hundreds of stories of families being ripped apart, by time (months apart waiting for paperwork), space (Americans having to move to a country that has equal rights for same-sex marriage, leaving their birth families here in the U.S.) or Immigration & Customs Enforcement (the constant threat of a knock on the door, or mail with terrible news). Many have emailed me saying, “thank you” for writing a movie that we all hope will raise awareness for the issue. But my issue is that not enough of the LGBT community really knows just how many rights are lacking from lack of legal, state and federally-recognized civil marriage equality.

You hear the word “marriage” and you assume that it covers everything. It doesn’t. Maybe we should call it same-sex unions, or homoriage… (OK, that was terrible). But calling it “marriage” at this stage is confusing to everyone. Not to mention gasoline for the flame that is religion.

Now, do I want to say one day that I’m married, even if it’s still not legal? Yes. Because the word has gravitas and meaning in our culture. It means, to me, that I’ve made a commitment to someone. That I have created family with someone. That I have promised myself till death do us part (I’m into the more classic wedding vows.) But maybe we shouldn’t call it marriage until it’s the same as the other marriage. You know, the straight peoples’ thing. When it has all the rights, rules and privileges that a marriage should provide. Until then the fight isn’t just for the word, it’s not just for white poofy dresses or walking down the aisle in a “hetrocentric” ceremony (my friends always argue about why we should be fighting for a heterosexual institution.) It’s for protection. For family. For basic human rights.

“Two Words Can Change Everything,” is my film’s tag line, but I often wonder if I should change it to “Two Words Should Change Everything.” Being the romantic that I am, I think I prefer the first. But I’m always hopeful for the second.

 

David W. Ross is best known for the 2006 Sundance smash Quinceañera and mid-nineties chart topping boy band Bad Boys Inc. After traveling the world, David has made L.A. his home where he has penned his first feature, “I DO,” a character-driven “gay green card” movie highlighting marriage inequality.

Read David W. Ross’s most-recent previous piece at The New Civil Rights Movement, “If You Don’t Help, This Film About Same-Sex Binational Couples Won’t Get Made.”

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Congressman Pummeled for Praising Students Mocking Black Protester With Monkey Sounds

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9 hours ago

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May 3, 2024

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U.S. Rep. Mike Collins, Republican of Georgia, is under fire after praising University of Mississippi students, some wearing American flag outfits, mocking a Black woman protester by making monkey sounds and shouting, “lock her up.”

“Counter-protestors at the University of Mississippi made racist remarks — including monkey noises and comparisons to Lizzo — towards a Black woman who was part of a planned protest against the war in Gaza,” Los Angeles Magazine reported Friday.

Collins, who tried to defund Vice President Kamala Harris’ Office in November, declared his support for the counter-protesters at “Ole Miss,” as the University is called.

“Ole Miss taking care of business,” he wrote on social media, atop the video (below).

The counter-protesters, as evidenced in the video, appear to be mostly white.

A large number of users on the social media platform X responded, accusing the Congressman and the counter-protesters of racism.

“When is the inevitable ‘I don’t have a racist bone in my body’ tweet coming,” wondered Rewire News Group editor-at-large Imani Gandy.

“Which part is your favorite, Mike?” asked Fred Wellman, the former executive director of The Lincoln Project. “Is it the white kid acting like a monkey at the black woman or the white security guy acting like she’s a threat? I’m trying to figure out which flavor of racism has you all excited the most?”

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Harvard Law Cyberlaw Clinic clinical instructor Alejandra Caraballo responded to the Georgia GOP congressman, “Thanks for confirming you’re a massive racist piece of sh*t.”

Mississippi Free Press news editor Ashton Pittman wrote: “Rep. Mike Collins, R-Georgia, praises a video showing a University of Mississippi frat boy dancing like a monkey and making monkey noises near a Black woman student who was protesting for Palestine while other frat boys chant ‘lock her up.'”

In a separate post describing a separate video taken of the same group Pittman wrote: “Frat bros at @OleMiss chant, ‘Lizzo! Lizzo!’ and shout, ‘F**k you fatass, f**k you b*tch’ at a Black woman who was protesting for Palestine. Do people really think these counterprotestors are doing it to support Jews?”

Journalist John Harwood did not mince words, writing, “Congressman proud of the racism.”

“Okay, Mike. We get it,” wrote podcast host, documentary director, and author W. Kamau Bell. “You want to be famous for being a racist. Fine. I’ll help you become a famous racist. You’re welcome.”

The original video is here.

See Rep. Collins’ post and the video below or at this link.

Caution: the video is disturbing.

READ MORE: Noem Heads to Mar-a-Lago After Branding Kids She Ministered in Church ‘Little Tyrants’

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Noem Heads to Mar-a-Lago After Branding Kids She Ministered in Church ‘Little Tyrants’

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13 hours ago

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May 3, 2024

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Amid more damning revelations from her soon-to-be released book, embattled South Dakota Republican Governor Kristi Noem will head to Mar-a-Lago this weekend as ex-president Donald Trump auditions potential vice presidential picks in front of high-dollar donors. Noem was also slated to attend a Republican fundraiser in Colorado this weekend but it was canceled over alleged safety concerns after news broke she had bragged about shooting her 14-month old dog.

While Noem’s shooting to death of her wirehaired pointer, Cricket, which she detailed in the book, is still making headlines overnight a new revelation made news: Noem falsely claims in her book she met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

A spokesperson for Noem “seemed to concede that the Kim story was false Thursday night,” and notified her publisher, Politico’s Ryan Lizza reported in his exclusive.

But less noticed appears to be the actual text of Noem’s false story, in which she brands children she ministered in church “little tyrants,” and compared them to the murderous North Korean dictator.

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“Through my tenure on the House Armed Services Committee,” Noem wrote, according to Politico, “I had the chance to travel to many countries to meet with world leaders. I remember when I met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. I’m sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants (I’d been a children’s pastor, after all).”

CNBC reported this week Trump “will mingle with potential vice presidential running mates and wealthy Republican donors at the Republican National Committee’s spring donor retreat. The meetings are likely to act as informal tryouts for a short list of politicos in the running to join the Trump ticket.”

The list of Republican “special guests” includes U.S. Senators Marco Rubio, Tim Scott, and J.D. Vance, Rep. Elise Stefanik, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, and South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem.

Also expected to attend are House Speaker Mike Johnson, U.S. Reps. Byron Donalds of Florida and Wesley Hunt of Texas, former GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, and other elected Republicans along with RNC co-chair Lara Trump.

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NBC News, which says Rep. Donalds is also under consideration, on Friday added there will be “a fundraising retreat that could serve as a screening session” for potential vice presidential running mates.

Meanwhile, the Jefferson County, Colorado Republican Party chair announced a fundraising dinner Noem was slated to attend was canceled after threats were made, The Denver Post reports.

“We understood there was a planned organized protest outside of the hotel, led by Progress Now,” Nancy Pallozzi said. “I felt that our event would be negatively impacted, and we could not take the risk that those who made threats would cause physical harm.”

 

 

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RFK Jr., Embracing Far-Right, Spoke at Fundraiser for Anti-Government Group With J6 Ties

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15 hours ago

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May 3, 2024

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Over the weekend independent 2024 presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. spoke at a fundraiser for a far-right anti-government group in Erie County, New York – a slice of the country that had a large proportion of residents arrested and charged for crimes related to the January 6 insurrection. Kennedy, a conspiracy theorist and vaccine denialist, increasingly is embracing the far-right.

“That group, Constitutional Coalition of New York State, has founders who not only have ties to Donald Trump but are also connected to the stop-the-steal movement through their activist network, which includes groups that had a presence at the Capitol on Jan. 6,” The Daily Beast reported Friday. “It’s yet another instance of Kennedy—who is mounting one of the most well-funded third-party presidential threats in decades—serving as a peculiar bridge between his own anti-establishment movement and Trump’s.”

The Southern Poverty Law Center includes the Constitutional Coalition of New York State (CCNYS) on its page of anti-government groups. Political Research Associates, which detailed the high proportion of January 6 residents arrested and charged, included the Constitutional Coalition of New York State in its February report on “The Rise of the Far Right in Western New York.”

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“If you don’t think the government is lying to you, you’re not paying attention,” Kennedy told attendees at the CCNYS fundraiser, The Buffalo News reports.

“CCNYS founders Nick and Nancie Orticelli are also affiliated with the Watchmen, a nearby militia who Nick has encouraged his social media followers to join. The Watchmen had several members at the Capitol on Jan. 6, and one member, Pete Harding, is still facing charges for violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds,” The Daily Beast noted. “Nancie Orticelli has also hosted the Watchmen’s founder, Charles Pellien, on her weekly radio show on several occasions.”

One of Kennedy’s goals in traveling to New York was to get on the ballot for the November presidential election. Various polls show him taking votes from both President Joe Biden and ex-president Donald Trump, but Kennedy currently has only qualified to be on the ballot in three states, Utah, Michigan and Hawaii, the newspaper reported.

But The Washington Post on Thursday reported The American Independent Party of California, which has a history of “far-right ties,” and “backed segregationist and former Alabama governor George Wallace in 1968, nominated Kennedy for president.”

Kennedy “said this week that he has qualified to be on the ballot in California and will accept the nomination of the American Independent Party, which has a history of associating itself with far-right figures and individuals who have expressed racist views.”

Some news reports and RFK Jr. himself say the Trump campaign was actively courting Kennedy, attempting to convince him to consider being the ex-president’s 2024 vice presidential running mate.

“That MAGA dalliance with Kennedy could be coming back to bite the Trump campaign, some Republicans close to the former president worry,” The Daily Beast also reported.

“’They can only blame themselves,’ a Trump-aligned strategist told The Daily Beast, requesting anonymity to speak candidly about private conversations about the risk Kennedy poses, ‘because they cozied up to him and thought it was funny.’”

Watch WIVBTV’s report on Kennedy’s trip to New York below or at this link.

READ MORE: Trump Won’t Commit to Accepting Election Results if He Doesn’t Win State He Falsely Claims He Won

 

 

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