Herman Cain, America’s Favorite New Bully
Barring a late entry by Zombie Reagan, it looks like we now have a final lineup of contestants for the 2012 cycle of So You Think You Can Beat Obama. Chris Christie, after spending weeks teasing dissatisfied Republicans to near climax by threatening to run for the nomination, has instead hopped the closest state funded helicopter and flown back to New Jersey, probably at taxpayer expense. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin dominated the news cycle for almost thirty whole minutes by announcing that she too would decline a presidential run, not because of the fact that the she’d have a better chance at winning a science fair than she would the presidency, but because, as she told Mark Levin, “Not being a candidate, really you are unshackled and you’re able to be even more active.†This is Mamma Grizzly talk for, “Running for president is hard and doesn’t pay well, and anyway I’d rather spend my days criticizing people and updating my Facebook status. Oh, and I’m doing YouTube now, cause on that you don’t even have to spellcheck.â€
This leaves eight culture warriors vying to be the name plastered on all those poster board signs when the balloons drop in Tampa next August. Most of these people have no chance at all. We do not need to trouble ourselves with the notion of a Newt Gingrich Presidency. Michele Bachmann isn’t going to happen.
And then there is Jon Huntsman, who is is a somewhat reasonable man, stuck in a desperately crazy party. He is not horrible on gay rights, at least as far as Republicans go, but ultimately Jon Huntsman is the guy who has shown up at the costume party not wearing a costume. He stands out for looking so normal. You will not find any tri-cornered hats in this man’s closet, which is why his campaign is doomed. Rather than run for president, he should be put behind glass in a museum as an example of what Republicans looked like before The Republican Revolution made being an arrogant asshole cool again.
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So now Herman Cain is a man of science. Evolution and climate change are liberal conspiracies, but on homosexuality, he’s all about the science.
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No, this race has come down to three people. First, we have Rick Perry, who I believe to be a secretly brilliant performance artist disguised as a hopelessly confused cardboard caricature of a Republican candidate. And let’s not forget Mitt Romney, who would wear a party dress and give head on television if he thought it would get him elected president. Also, for some odd reason, Herman Cain.
Out of nowhere, the seemingly pointless vanity candidacy of Herman Cain has evolved into something of a legitimate threat, mostly because the ever baffling Rick Perry has already begun to implode, either because he is a terrible candidate, or because he is our generation’s Andy Kaufman. (It’s totally the second one. I just can’t prove it.) Regardless, it’s not working out, and Perry is collapsing in the polls. Rather than settle with Mitt Romney, who is despised by giant sections of the Republican party, they have decided to give a shot to the AAA player of the moment, Herman Cain. Maybe they think his 9-9-9 plan is clever marketing, despite the fact that it is outrageously stupid fiscal policy. (For more on this look, well, anywhere.)
What does this mean? Mostly that Herman Cain gets to be on TV a lot now. He’ll probably grace the cover of Time Magazine before too long, and for a few weeks we will have to pretend like he has a real shot. And who knows, he might. (Hint: He doesn’t.)
What we do get to be treated to is raw Herman Cain. More TV means more talking, which means more “straight talk,” or as everyone else calls it, “making amateurish campaign mistakes and other totally unforced errors because Herman Cain is in no way ready for all of this attention.â€
This brings me to Joy Behar. While on his, “I really can’t believe I am relevant right now†national media tour he was asked by Joy Behar whether or not he thought that homosexuality was a choice. He replied with an unequivocal “Yes.” Then we got this:
“Well, you show me the science that it’s not and I’ll be persuaded. Right now it’s my opinion against the opinions of others who feel differently. That’s just a difference of opinions.â€
Oh so now Herman Cain is a man of science. Evolution and climate change are liberal conspiracies, but on this issue, he’s all about the data.
Fine then. If all it takes is a little hard evidence, then how about this or this? If that’s not to your liking, then what about this, this, or this?
Or perhaps this statement from the American Medical Association will be sufficient. It says that:
(The AMA) opposes, the use of “reparative” or “conversion” therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a priori assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation.
I bet none of this is enough for Herman Cain. He is a liar, and his views have nothing to do with science. This is about something else altogether. You see, this is not the first time Scientist Herman Cain has weighed in on the subject of homosexuality as a choice, though this time, it’s not the science of the matter that has him convinced. From CBS News:
“I believe homosexuality is a sin because I’m a Bible-believing Christian, I believe it’s a sin,” he said. “But I know that some people make that choice. That’s their choice.”
Cain was asked: “So you believe it’s a choice?”
“I believe it is a choice,” he responded.
Well that doesn’t sound like a very scientific rationale. Which is it Herman Cain? Is it because you don’t find the science convincing, or because the Bible says so? You can’t have both. Well you can, but it makes you a poor scientist and an even worse “Bible-beliving†Christian.
And why would this matter anyway?
I suppose, for him and people like him, convincing themselves that homosexuality is a choice makes it easier to support Constitutional amendments denying LGBT people marriage equality, to pursue the reinstatement of DADT, and to veto the Employment Non-Discrimination Act.
Let’s just break that down. Pretend for a moment that being gay is a choice. Herman Cain is saying that if you elect homosexuality, you should be kicked out of the Army, fired, and denied access to the legal protections necessary to form a family with the person of your choice. Because of Jesus, apparently. It’s okay to defame, demean, and devalue an entire class of people if you don’t agree with their choices. That doesn’t make you righteous, it makes you an awful person.
But of course, being gay is obviously not a choice. Here is a fun rule: If you can “choose†to be gay, and then “choose†to be straight, then you are bisexual. I suspect none of the people using the “choice” rationale actually believe it. It’s just something they say so they can publicly justify their despicable behavior toward LGBT people. It’s the cover bullies use so they can sleep at night.
No, Herman Cain doesn’t like gay people, and doesn’t want to be forced to live in a world where it’s unacceptable to be nasty to them. This is what conservatives are talking about when they express fears of homosexual “normalization.”
That, or he is suggesting that everyone is bi. If so, that sort of brings a new meaning to “The Cain Train.” Maybe I’m in for a ticket after all.
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Benjamin Phillips is a Humor Writer, Web Developer, Civics Nerd, and all around crank that spends entirely too much time shouting with deep exasperation at the television, especially whenever cable news is on. He lives in St. Louis, MO and spends most of his time staring at various LCD screens, occasionally taking walks in the park whenever his boyfriend becomes sufficiently convinced that Benjamin is becoming a reclusive hermit person. He is available for children’s parties, provided that those children are entertained by hearing a complete windbag talk for two hours about the importance of science education, or worse yet, poorly researched anecdotes PROVING that James Buchanan was totally gay. If civilization were to collapse due to zombie hoards or nuclear holocaust, Benjamin would be among the first to die as he has no useful skills of any kind. The post-apocalyptic hellscape has no real need for homosexual computer programmers who can name all the presidents in order, as well as the actors who have played all eleven incarnations of Doctor Who.
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The White House is coming under fire for its “alternative” depiction of the events of January 6, 2021—an episode many have described as an insurrection, a riot, or an attack on the U.S. Capitol and on American democracy.
“President Trump took decisive action to pardon January 6 defendants who were unfairly targeted, overcharged, and used as political examples,” the White House said on its new webpage detailing January 6, which it also called “A Day That Will Live in Infamy.”
“They were not protected by the leaders who failed them. They were punished to cover incompetence,” the White House claimed.
In one passage — misleading and disputed by the public record — the White House alleged: “The Democrats masterfully reversed reality after January 6, branding peaceful patriotic protesters as ‘insurrectionists’ and framing the event as a violent coup attempt orchestrated by Trump—despite no evidence of armed rebellion or intent to overthrow the government.”
READ MORE: House GOP Math Gets Brutal After Republican’s ‘Sudden’ Death and Another Hospitalized
“In truth, it was the Democrats who staged the real insurrection by certifying a fraud-ridden election, ignoring widespread irregularities, and weaponizing federal agencies to hunt down dissenters, all while Pelosi’s own security lapses invited the chaos they later exploited to seize and consolidate power,” the claim continued. “This gaslighting narrative allowed them to persecute innocent Americans, silence opposition, and distract from their own role in undermining democracy.”
The White House’s J6 webpage also claimed that then-Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi “repeatedly” acknowledged responsibility for “catastrophic security failures” including “not having the National Guard pre-deployed, despite intelligence warnings and President Trump’s offers of troops that were ignored.”
The Speaker of the House does not have control over the National Guard, and numerous reports show that Trump made no formal offer to deploy troops on January 6, according to Politico.
Critics took issue with the webpage and many of the White House’s claims.
Axios’ Trump White House reporter Marc Caputo called it an “alternative Jan. 6 history.”
Spectrum News’ national political reporter Taylor Popielarz charged that the White House was attempting “to rewrite what actually happened on Jan. 6, 2021.”
Mediaite contributing editor Sarah Rumpf wrote that the “new White House website contains so many disgusting lies about #January6 it’s hard to know where to start.”
“Relax,” suggested The Bulwark’s Will Saletan. “You’re not living in an authoritarian country. Except for the part where the president seizes unprecedented powers. And the part where he orders sham prosecutions. And the part where his White House rewrites the history of his coup attempt.”
Attorney Drew M. Capuder called it “one of the most evil and dishonest things I have ever seen.”
READ MORE: GOP Pushes Vote on Showerheads as Millions Struggle With Rising Cost of Living
The Cato Institute’s David J. Bier simply described it as “pathological.”
Political scientist Michael D. Swaine offered an extensive response:
“A despicable, shameful distortion of reality by a lawless, rogue white house,” Swaine wrote of the White House’s January 6 website. “Yes, January 6th will live in infamy, as an effort to violently overthrow the results of a legitimate election by a criminal politician and his goons.”
“The truth is crystal clear, based on January 6th and many actions since then,” he continued. “Trump has become an illegitimate leader who should be impeached, tried, convicted, and removed from office. He has violated the Constitution and engaged in high crimes and misdemeanors. He will go down in history as by far the worst US president. Under him, the United States is being turned into an authoritarian, rogue nation.”
Swaine urged Americans to “stand up and speak out,” and he warned that it’s “time to act on the basis of the laws and ideals of the nation and get rid of Trump and his quislings.”
“An absolute disgrace,” declared HuffPost’s White House correspondent S.V. Dáte. “Stalin-level propaganda. The people who put this together — on OUR dime — should be ashamed of themselves.”
NBC News, reporting on the White House’s new January 6 webpage, wrote that “Trump is rewriting the narrative around the Capitol siege.”
“In the months after the attack,” NBC added, “Americans generally agreed on what had just happened; Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, called it a ‘terrorist attack.’”
READ MORE: How Trump Might Seize Greenland: Report
Image via Reuters
President Donald Trump followed his weekend military incursion into Venezuela with comments that suggested warnings to several other countries, including Cuba, Colombia, Mexico, Iran, and Greenland.
Some Europeans and the leaders of several of the countries he mentioned, appear to be taking him seriously.
“Trump’s rhetoric, including his suggestion over the weekend that Washington may have to ‘do something’ about cartels that are ‘running Mexico,’ is reviving fears in Mexico City,” Politico reported.
Trump said the government of Cuba might just fall on its own, but, as The Washington Post reported, U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio “went further, indicating that the United States might be willing to give it a push.”
With Trump having targeted Greenland for months, some of the territory’s leaders are now concerned it could be at risk.
READ MORE: House GOP Math Gets Brutal After Republican’s ‘Sudden’ Death and Another Hospitalized
“Danish officials think they know how Donald Trump might seize Greenland,” The Atlantic reported.
“In a late-night Truth Social post, the president announces that the Danish territory is now an American ‘protectorate.’ Because neither Denmark nor its European allies possess the military force to prevent the United States from taking the island, they are powerless to resist Trump’s dubious claim. And as the leading member of NATO claims the sovereign territory of another state, the alliance is paralyzed. Arguing that possession is nine-tenths of the law, Trump simply declares that Greenland now belongs to the United States.”
According to The Atlantic, this hypothetical scenario has been discussed by Danish officials and security experts in recent months. It “may have seemed faintly ridiculous,” but after Trump’s incursion in Venezuela, including his “ensuing insistence that the United States now ‘runs’ Venezuela—it seemed far less so.”
“For months, Danes have anxiously imagined an audacious move by the Trump administration to annex Greenland, whether by force, coercion, or an attempt to buy off the local population of about 56,000 people with the promise of cutting them in on future mining deals. Now those fears are spiking.”
Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen has “argued that the president’s threats are credible.”
“Unfortunately, I think the American president should be taken seriously when he says he wants Greenland,” she told the Danish Broadcasting Corporation (DR).
But The Atlantic warned, “if the U.S. goes down that road, NATO will effectively cease to exist the moment the first military personnel enter Greenlandic territory.”
READ MORE: GOP Pushes Vote on Showerheads as Millions Struggle With Rising Cost of Living
Image via Reuters
President Donald Trump’s military incursion into Venezuela and his demand for “total access” to that sovereign nation’s vast resources of oil, are “close to outright plunder” and an example of his “taking his corruption international,” says The New Republic‘s Greg Sargent.
“It’s often said that one of Donald Trump’s biggest innovations in American politics is to confess to his corruption right out in the open,” Sargent writes. “Over the years, Trump has frequently confirmed the truth of that diagnosis. But during remarks to reporters on Sunday about his invasion of Venezuela, he gave this a new spin, taking his corruption international in a fresh way.”
Trump was asked what he needs from Delcy Rodríguez, who is now Venezuela’s acting president, after U.S. military forces captured Venezuela’s president, Nicolás Maduro, and brought him to the United States to stand trial.
READ MORE: House GOP Math Gets Brutal After Republican’s ‘Sudden’ Death and Another Hospitalized
“We need total access—we need access to the oil and to other things in their country,” Trump told reporters. When asked about Venezuela’s oil reserves, Trump declared, “We’re gonna run everything.”
Sargent writes that Trump is now following “the Putin model: Authoritarian rule that enables smash-and-grab oligarchy by those in the regime’s good favor. Trump is making it unusually explicit that in this sphere of influence, Trump-approved oligarchs will be enriched by our regional spoils.”
In comments to Sargent, TNR’s Casey Michel put it another way: “Putin envisions a world in which a small group of imperialists loot their portions of the globe as they see fit. Trump has been envious of this model for a long time. He’s implementing it himself in the Western hemisphere.”
Sargent also suggests that Trump’s claim to be anti-war is now wrecked.
“As TNR’s Michael Tomasky explains, he’s fine with wars that are about ‘raw power in service of plunder and conquest.'”
READ MORE: GOP Pushes Vote on Showerheads as Millions Struggle With Rising Cost of Living
Image via Reuters
House GOP Math Gets Brutal After Republican’s ‘Sudden’ Death and Another Hospitalized
‘Stalin-Level Propaganda’: White House Ripped for ‘Alternative’ J6 History in New Report
How Trump Might Seize Greenland: Report
‘Close to Outright Plunder’: Trump ‘Taking His Corruption International’ Says Columnist
‘Stalin-Level Propaganda’: White House Ripped for ‘Alternative’ J6 History in New Report
How Trump Might Seize Greenland: Report
‘Close to Outright Plunder’: Trump ‘Taking His Corruption International’ Says Columnist
House GOP Math Gets Brutal After Republican’s ‘Sudden’ Death and Another Hospitalized
GOP Pushes Vote on Showerheads as Millions Struggle With Rising Cost of Living
News20 hours agoHouse GOP Math Gets Brutal After Republican’s ‘Sudden’ Death and Another Hospitalized
News14 hours ago‘Stalin-Level Propaganda’: White House Ripped for ‘Alternative’ J6 History in New Report
News16 hours agoHow Trump Might Seize Greenland: Report
News19 hours ago‘Close to Outright Plunder’: Trump ‘Taking His Corruption International’ Says Columnist
