My Dear, Fellow, “The Gays,”

I’ve been looking at the news, and it finally dawned on me this week: Everything, I mean, everything, is our fault. Here’s what I’ve learned.

The Gays are pedophiles and are responsible for the Vatican’s international, decades-long pedophile priests problem, according to the Vatican. But we can’t blame the Vatican for thinking this. Bill Donohue, the head of The Catholic League, blamed The Gays for the Vatican’s priest pedophilia problem just a week earlier.

Then there’s that whole God-smiting-man because of The Gays thing: Hurricane Katrina, turns out, was our fault. Reverend Jerry Falwell blamed 9/11 on The Gays. Oh, and The Gays are responsible for the large-scale earthquakes in Israel two years ago.

Ordained Southern Baptist minister and presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee says legalizing same-sex marriage is the same as legalizing incest, polygamy, and drug use. He also thinks The Gays are “disingenuous,” and America cannot afford to “experiment” with same-sex couples as parents, because, in case you weren’t aware, “children are not puppies.” (Yes, there is now a Facebook page for Puppies Against Mike Huckabee.)

Maggie Gallagher’s National Organization for (Straight-Only) Marriage (NOM) is a hair away from accusing gays for “out-of-wedlock birth rates” that are still rising. Somehow, in Maggie’s mind, pornography plays a role in that too. But Maggie must be so happy with China, because there, the rate of marriage is going up. Of course, they’re sham marriages, but hey, as long as people think it’s tab ‘A’ and slot ‘B.’

Constance McMillen’s classmates think gays are responsible for the prom cancellation in Mississippi, so some of them sent her to a fake prom, then got pissed when they got snagged bragging about being nasty little bigots on Facebook. Now they blame The Gays for that backlash, too. And a lovely conservative couple thinks gays are responsible for a ‘Cross-Dressing’ Fashion Show supposedly created to coincide with the anti-bullying Day of Silence. (It wasn’t but it’s now been canceled anyway.)

But fear not! The American Family Association is staging a counter-protest Friday against The Gays and their “controversial” national Day of Silence.

Gays in the military are responsible for raising conflicting emotions and issues. And, of course, The Gays, in the Dutch military, are responsible for the Srebrenica massacre of 8,000 in 1995, according to U.S. General George Sheehan. And, why didn’t I realize this before? We can’t repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” because “the Bible calls for the death penalty for homosexuality.”

While we’re on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” civil rights activist and author David MIxner tells us that The “Gays and lesbians are under the research microscope of the Pentagon.”

Focus groups, research, meetings and studies are beginning to see if it is safe for this nation to allow members of the LGBT community to serve their nation. Even wives of military personnel are being asked if they can handle the possibility that their husbands might be forced to serve with us. The military is even considering an option to allow anyone who can’t stand the thought of being in a foxhole with us to leave the military with full benefits.

Gotta love that. “I had no idea there were gay people! Can I leave, with full benefits?” Lt. Dan Choi, one of “The Gays,” and someone I admire greatly, recently said, “The most treacherous way to insult a soldier is to call him a quitter.” I guess if that option is included, “The Gays” will be the cause of any decline in the military’s ranks. (Not bigotry, not homophobia, but “The Gays.”) Frankly, I doubt many would take the option. From what I hear, most of the people against gays serving openly in the military aren’t in the military. They’re in Congress.

The Gays are responsible for the flack Pepsi’s getting, according to that bastion of journalism, One News Now:

“Particularly disturbing is…since we now know that Pepsi has given over a million dollars to the Human Rights Campaign and to another hate group called PFLAG, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays — an organization that tells parents that their children are born homosexual,” reports Greg Quinlan, PFOX spokesman. “Therefore they must accept them and that the only way to love them is to accept, embrace that homosexual lifestyle.”

And The Gays are also responsible for a Missoula, Montana group‘s need to create NotMyBathroom.com,

“…in order to oppose a proposed city ordinance that would protect people from discrimination in their jobs and homes based on “actual or perceived … sexual orientation, gender identity or expression.”

“The organization is associated with Concerned Women for America and the focus of its campaign is on the claim that the ordinance will make it legal for men to use women’s restrooms, thereby leading to assaults on women and children.

While the group’s effort is obviously aimed at stirring up fear in order to defeat the measure, CWA’s Wendy Long admits that they have absolutely no evidence that anti-discrimination ordinances lead to such assaults and that their real mission is to fight the anti-discrimination out of fear that it’ll eventually lead to marriage equality.”

Michael Knox Beran, in “The Descent of Liberalism,” claims, essentially, that The Gays (and blacks) are responsible for the “liberal’s vivisectionist politics.” Liberals being those who are  “committed to social classification.” (Sounds like yet another of Michele Malkin’s vast Obama conspiracies.)

And then there’s this bit of news against The Gays:

TerryK at ConWebBlog writes,

[Dave] Welch bizarrely asserts that efforts to give gays legal protection under hate-crimes laws are “Marxist-driven.” He sneeringly continues:

For example, it came as a surprise to many citizens in Houston (it should not have) that city and county taxpayers’ dollars have been and are being used to promote a program called “My Gay Houston” as part of the Greater Houston Convention and Visitors Bureau. Other major cities are doing the same. Lesbian Mayor Annise Parker has gone above and beyond to now extend protection through executive orders to “gender identity” and “gender expression.”

Keep your wives and daughters out of Houston city restrooms.

[…]

The evil of moral perversion is currently having a free reign through our choice of Barack Hussein Obama as president, liberal Democrats and weak Republicans in Congress, and lesbians like Annise Parker as mayor of Houston. We clearly do not have the latitude to withdraw from the battle and focus solely on rebuilding the biblical foundations of moral virtue in the church.

Who knew?

But worst of all, in Senegal, “If they don’t have enough to eat, it’s because there are homosexuals.”

“A wave of intense homophobia is washing across Africa, where homosexuality is illegal in at least 37 countries. In the past year, gay men have been arrested in Kenya, Malawi, Sierra Leone and Nigeria. In Uganda, lawmakers are considering a bill that would jail homosexuals for life and includes capital punishment for “repeat offenders”. And in South Africa, the only country that recognises gay rights, gangs have carried out so-called “corrective” rapes on lesbians.

“Across many parts of Africa, we’ve seen a rise in homophobic violence,” says London-based gay rights activist Peter Tatchell. “It’s been steadily building for 10 years but has got markedly worse in the last year.”

Frightening what is happening to gays in Africa. We’re fighting for marriage, they’re fighting for their lives. It gives one pause. I hope it makes us more grateful, and more angry, and more willing to help others, and fight for everyone’s civil rights, no matter where they live.

Lastly, I’ll leave you with New Jersey Assemblyman Michael Carroll’s words:

“I see no purpose in extending a societal imprimatur – and not insubstantial benefits – to folks whose relationships are of essentially no societal consequence. Taxpayers should not be in the business of subsidizing friendships, however close. Only when people enter into a relationship which presumptively involves the bearing and rearing of children does society have an interest in that relationship.”

Yours, in ever-loving “friendship.”

David

(Image: Nick J Webb)