Connect with us

Love In A Hopeless Place: My Same-Sex Wedding in Donald Trump’s America

Published

on

Here’s What It’s Like To Get Gay-Married 4 Days After A National Tragedy

My husband and I knew when we picked Nov. 12 to be married, we ran the risk of doing so in Donald Trump’s America.

An America led by a man who was met with cheers as he incited violence at his rallies, who openly mocked a disabled reporter, who boasted that he could shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue without losing a vote, who equated the daily lives of African-Americans and Hispanics to living in hell, who called for Muslim bans and registrations, who praised murderous, foreign dictators, who openly degraded women as he dismissed their sexual assault, and who named arguably the most anti-LGBT politician in decades as his running mate.

We knew the election would be Tuesday and our ceremony, a celebration that love had won, would follow Saturday. But surely Nov. 8 would be a day that love trumped hate and the nation said yes, we are stronger together.

It wasn’t. The nation (in reality, the Electoral College — as Hillary Clinton continues her historic lead of over 1 million in the popular vote) didn’t say that love trumped hate, and it didn’t say that we were stronger together. It said that America only used to be great, and that dark, orange days lie ahead.

Four days before our wedding, Donald Trump became the president-elect of the United States.

Like many Americans, when he was declared the victor, I was hurt. Confused. And admittedly, a little drunk. (My friends and I knew we needed to be with our community during the returns, for either celebration or comfort. As state by state flashed red, we learned it would be the latter.)

The wedding was nearly upon us, loved ones were commuting, plans were being obsessively finalized, and I was working extra hours to stockpile time off for the ceremony. I was mentally drained already and hadn’t emotionally prepared for the same country that had finally given me the right to marry to hand the keys to the White House to a demagogue.

I was never perfect, but I’d spent months trying to only disagree respectfully with those that I knew were voting Trump or for a third party, watching my tone and words. I tried to make it clear who I was supporting, and why, and had even joked on Election Day to a Trump-supporting co-worker that I was looking forward to the best woman winning. We laughed together: While I feared it, my optimism and perhaps naïve view of America told me that Trump couldn’t win.

Like many children, grandchildren, friends and co-workers, I felt betrayed by people I love and respect when I learned of his victory — by those who love and respect me, and wished nothing but the best for my marriage. I couldn’t understand how anyone I knew could vote for a man who had threatened not only my rights, but the rights of so many other minorities — who had demonized most of America, to say nothing of his treatment of women.

I freely admit that when the race was called, I lost my mind. Perhaps it was wedding stress, or the time I’d spent trying to be respectful and hoping it changed hearts, if not votes. It also could’ve been the beer.

I attacked third-party voters, and then Trump supporters. My rage overtook me: They had either enabled a xenophobic, misogynistic racist, or they were one. I criticized them all via social media, and quite blatantly. 

In my despair and against my now-husband’s wishes, I uninvited them to our wedding. Supporting Trump wasn’t supporting our marriage, and the pain was too fresh. I didn’t know these voters and I didn’t know this country.

The next morning I deleted most of the evidence I’d left behind. The damage had been done, but in my shame it was comforting. The feelings I’d expressed were genuine, but their execution appalling. The world reconfirmed that Trump was the president-elect, with three days remaining before my wedding. I was living in a nightmare and simultaneously living my dreams. It was, at best, conflicting.

If I’d ever truly believed we were a nation that was stronger together, I knew I had to apologize. I reached out to those I’d offended with my words, particularly for their extremity. I explained that we’d fought so hard for marriage equality that the notion of losing it was terrifying and rage-inducing, particularly so close to my own wedding. I asked for understanding and, if applicable, their attendance. (Most obliged, including my wonderful cousin and several dear friends.)

On our wedding day, I was too busy to think about the election, and in the crowd I didn’t see Republicans or Democrats. I didn’t see supporters of Trump or Clinton. I saw people who loved us (or at least wanted access to an open bar).

Don’t get me wrong: The orange elephant in the room was pointed out early. My husband vowed during the ceremony to support me in dark times, like a Trump presidency, and I vowed to listen to him more (citing that I’d uninvited people that cared about us over an election, despite his protests.)

When I grabbed my husband’s hand, when I put the ring on his finger, when I said “I do,” I knew that despite Trump’s divisive rhetoric and even my own in response to the election results, love had still won.

His supporters didn’t cheer less, nor did they dance less at the reception. (To be fair, the open bar may have helped that, too.) On Nov. 12, we had love and we had unity.

But every day is not Nov. 12, and our Nov. 12 was very different from the one experienced by those were understandably dejected or afraid. 

True unity is not a president-elect who appoints a white nationalist as his chief strategist. Unity is not unlawful deportation. Unity is not the countless reports of hate toward minorities across this country since his election. Unity is not a president-elect who is “fine” with same-sex marriage because it’s “settled law” — while moments later rejecting another “settled law” in Roe v. Wade.

It is not calling the immoral internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II a precedent for Muslim registration. It’s not a president-elect tapping an anti-Muslim congressman to be the CIA director, or an anti-equality senator, a man who has called civil rights groups “un-American” and received a zero on the Human Rights Campaign’s congressional scorecard, to serve as attorney general.

Nov. 12 taught me that life and love will still happen in Trump’s America, and that the support and empathy we felt from Trump supporters can still exist in this country. Their attendance meant the world to me, and I love them, but their support and empathy did not equate to action. It did not stop a Trump administration, and there’s no guarantee that love and empathy will ever equate to action as his administration comes for minority after minority.

We must remember that the majority of voting Americans rejected Donald Trump, and that everyone deserves to feel the safety, love and warmth that my husband and I felt on our wedding day. We must fight to make sure that they have it, now more than ever. I will, my husband will, and I hope you will, too.

We will have our allies, and we will welcome them with open arms, but it isn’t their responsibility to save us. When you come for one minority, you come for us all — that is the unity America must have now: the unity of the marginalized, of the minorities, unafraid to oppose xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, racism and intolerance.

Unafraid to oppose Donald Trump’s America, and unafraid to oppose Donald Trump.

 

Photo via Ted Eytan on Flickr

Continue Reading
Click to comment
 
 

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. The New Civil Rights Movement depends on readers like you to meet our ongoing expenses and continue producing quality progressive journalism. Three Silicon Valley giants consume 70 percent of all online advertising dollars, so we need your help to continue doing what we do.

NCRM is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. From unflinching coverage of religious extremism, to spotlighting efforts to roll back our rights, NCRM continues to speak truth to power. America needs independent voices like NCRM to be sure no one is forgotten.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure NCRM remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to NCRM, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

News

‘Antisemitism Is Wrong, But’: Marjorie Taylor Greene Pilloried for Promoting Antisemitic Claim

Published

on

U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) was strongly criticized Wednesday after promoting a historically and biblically false, antisemitic claim while declaring antisemitism is wrong.

As the House voted on an antisemitism bill that would require the U.S. Dept. of Education to utilize a certain definition of antisemitism when enforcing anti-discrimination laws, the far-right Christian nationalist congresswoman made her false claims on social media.

“Antisemitism is wrong, but I will not be voting for the Antisemitism Awareness Act of 2023 (H.R. 6090) today that could convict Christians of antisemitism for believing the Gospel that says Jesus was handed over to Herod to be crucified by the Jews,” Greene tweeted.

The definition of antisemitism the House bill wants to codify was created by the International Holocaust Remembrance Alliance.

Congresswoman Greene highlighted this specific text which she said she opposes: “Using the symbols and images associated with classic antisemitism (e.g., claims of Jews killing Jesus or blood libel) to characterize Israel or Israelis.”

READ MORE: MAGA State Superintendent Supports Chaplains in Public Schools – But Not From All Religions

What Greene is promoting is called “Jewish deicide,” the false and antisemitic claim that Jews killed Jesus Christ. Some who adhere to that false belief also believe all Jews throughout time, including in the present day, are responsible for Christ’s crucification.

Greene has a history of promoting antisemitism, including comparing mask mandates during the coronavirus pandemic to “gas chambers in Nazi Germany.”

Political commentator John Fugelsang set the record straight:

“If only you could read,” lamented Rabbi Dr. Mark Goldfeder, Esq., CEO and Director of the National Jewish Advocacy Center. The Antisemitism Awareness Act “could not convict anyone for believing anything, even this historical and biblical inaccuracy. It only comes into play if there is unlawful discrimination based on this belief that targets a Jewish person. Do you understand that distinction @RepMTG ?”

READ MORE: DeSantis Declares NYC ‘Reeks’ of Pot Amid Florida’s Battle for Legalization and 2024 Voters

“Not surprising,” declared Jacob N. Kornbluh, the senior political reporter at The Forward, formerly the Jewish Daily Forward. “Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has been accused in the past of making antisemitic remarks — including her suggestion that a Jewish-funded space laser had sparked wildfires in California in 2018, voted against the GOP-led Antisemitism Awareness Act.”

Jewish Telegraphic Agency Washington Bureau Chief Ron Kampeas, an award-winning journalist, took a deeper dive into Greene’s remarks.

“Ok leave aside the snark. The obvious antisemitism is in saying ‘the Jews’ crucified Jesus when even according to the text she believes in it was a few leaders in a subset of a contemporary Jewish community. It is collective blame, the most obvious of bigotries.”

“The text she presumably predicates her case on, the New Testament,” he notes, “was when it was collated a political document at a time when Christians and Jews were competing for adherents and when it would have been plainly dangerous to blame Rome for the murder of God.”

“Yes,” Kampeas continues, “that take is obviously one that a fundamentalist would not embrace, but it is the objective and historical take, and *should* be available to Jews (and others!) as a means of explaining why Christian antisemitism exists, and why it is harmful.”

CNN’s Edward-Isaac Dovere also slammed Greene, saying she “is standing up for continuing to talk about Jews being responsible for the killing of Jesus. (John & Matthew refer to some Jews handing over Jesus to Pilate,not Herod. But also: many, including Pope Benedict, have called blaming Jews a misinterpretation)”

READ MORE: ‘Pretty Strong Views’: Trump Vows ‘Big Statement’ on Abortion Pill in the ‘Next Week or Two’

 

Continue Reading

OPINION

MAGA State Superintendent Supports Chaplains in Public Schools – But Not From All Religions

Published

on

Visitors to Oklahoma’s State Schools Superintendent’s personal social media page will notice a post vowing to “ban Critical Race Theory, protect women’s sports, and fight for school choice,” a post linking to a Politico profile of him that reads, “Meet the state GOP official at the forefront of injecting religion into public schools,” a photo of him closely embracing a co-founder of the anti-government extremist group Moms for Liberty, and a video in which he declares, “Oklahoma is MAGA country.”

This is Ryan Walters, a far-right Republican Christian nationalist who is making a national name for himself.

“God has a place in public schools,” is how Politico described Walters’ focus.

Last week the Southern Poverty Law Center published an extensive profile of Walters, alleging “hateful rhetoric toward the LGBTQ+ community, calls to whitewash curriculum, efforts to ban books, and attempts to force Christian nationalist ideology into public school classrooms.”

READ MORE: Trump Would Not Oppose State Pregnancy Surveillance or Abortion Prosecution

“Walters is superintendent of public instruction, and public schools are supposed to serve students of all faiths, backgrounds and identities,” Sarah Kate Ellis, president and CEO of GLAAD, told SPLC.

Walters is supporting new legislation in Oklahoma that follows in Texas’ footsteps: allowing untrained, unlicensed, uncertified, and unregulated religious chaplains and ministers to be hired as official school counselors.

“We heard a lot of talk about a lot of those support staffs, people such as counselors, having shortages,” Rep. Kevin West, a Republican, said, KFOR reports. “I felt like this would be a good way to open that door to possibly get some help.”

Walters praised West, writing: “Allowing schools to have volunteer religious chaplains is a big help in giving students the support they need to be successful. Thank you to @KevinWestOKRep for being the House author for this bill. This passed the House yesterday and moves on to the Senate where @NathanDahm is leading the charge for this bill.”

As several Oklahoma news outlets report, there’s a wrinkle lawmakers may not have anticipated.

“With the Oklahoma House’s passage of Senate Bill 36, which permits the participation of uncertified chaplains in public schools, The Satanic Temple (TST) has announced its plans to have its Ministers in public schools in the Sooner State. If the bill advances through the Senate, this legislation will take effect on November 1, 2024. State Superintendent Ryan Walters, a vocal advocate for religious freedom in schools, has endorsed the legislation. The House approved SB 36 by a 54-37 vote on Wednesday,” a press release from The Satanic Temple reads. “The Satanic Temple, a federally recognized religious organization, has expressed its dedication to religious pluralism and community service.”

READ MORE: DeSantis Declares NYC ‘Reeks’ of Pot Amid Florida’s Battle for Legalization and 2024 Voters

Walters responded on social media to The Satanic Temple’s announcement.

“Satanists are not welcome in Oklahoma schools, but they are welcome to go to hell,” he wrote.

Former Lincoln Project executive director Fred Wellman served up an equally colorful response.

“Hahahaha!!! You are an idiot,” Wellman wrote. “How did you not see this coming? Satanists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Pastafarians…come one come all! After all you’re not trying to establish Christianity as the state religion are you? We had a whole ass revolution about that. There are history books about it…oh…right. Not your thing. What a fool.”

The Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) served up a warning.

“The state of Oklahoma cannot discriminate against people or groups based on their religious beliefs,” the non-profit group wrote. “Walters’ hateful message shows, one again, that he only believes in religious freedom for Christians and that he is unfit to serve in public office.”

READ MORE: ‘Pretty Strong Views’: Trump Vows ‘Big Statement’ on Abortion Pill in the ‘Next Week or Two’

 

Continue Reading

News

Potential Trump VP Pick Says ‘If You’re a Billionaire’ You Should Vote for Trump

Published

on

One of the possible picks to be Donald Trump’s vice presidential running mate, seen as “rapidly ascending” the list, is urging billionaires to vote for the ex-president.

North Dakota Republican Governor Doug Burgum “is quickly moving up former President Trump’s list of possible vice presidential picks because Trump’s team believes he would be a safe choice who could attract moderate voters,” Axios reported on Sunday. “Burgum is on a long list of VP contenders, but Trump’s rising interest in the North Dakota governor has been clear in recent weeks — and reveals his latest thinking about how he thinks his running mate could help him with undecided voters.”

Praising Governor Burgum, the National Review’s Michael Brendan Dougherty on Monday wrote he was “the only candidate in 2024 to easily exceed expectations in the debates.”

“He is a well-liked governor from a small state. He projects seriousness and sobriety, two qualities Pence also had that were important to balance the 2016 Republican ticket. Burgum is also good at championing Republican policy, including our desperately needed policies of energy abundance and supply-side reform. He is also the right age — 67 — with no signs of slowing down. Burgum needs to survive the millions poured into opposition research, but, if he does, I think he would bring credit and balance to the Republican ticket.”

READ MORE: ‘Next Week, Absolutely’: Marjorie Taylor Greene Says She Will Move to Oust Speaker Johnson

On Tuesday, Gov. Burgum, appearing on Fox News, told Laura Ingraham, “when you see someone who cares this deeply about this country, what he’s going through and what the Democrats and the liberal media is putting him through, and how he gets up and fights for every day people in America every day, and then his policies are all in the right direction.”

“If you’re a billionaire and you care about your shareholders, you care about your family and your grandkids, you should be voting for someone that’s going to bring prosperity to America and peace to the world, that’s what President Trump is going to do, that’s what he did for us when he was president,” Burgum claimed.

The Hill adds, “Ingraham suggested a lot of billionaires are still planning to support President Biden, especially those that are the ‘Wall Street types.’”

Last year, asked if he would ever do business with Trump, Bergum told NBC News, “I don’t think so,” and added, “I just think that it’s important that you’re judged by the company you keep.”

Some reports call Bergum a billionaire, while Forbes last year reported it “estimates Burgum’s net worth to be at least $100 million.”

Watch the video below or at this link.

READ MORE: Trump Would Not Oppose State Pregnancy Surveillance or Abortion Prosecution

 

 

Continue Reading

Trending

Copyright © 2020 AlterNet Media.