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First, there were the birthers. Now, there are the seceders. Over the past few days news has swept the nation that there’s a tiny force in the country demanding Barack Obama to allow their states to secede from the union. To date, 42 of our 50 states have petitions at the White House’s “We The People” petition site, asking President Obama to “Peacefully grant the State of  _____  to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.” Or, something.

Interestingly, the only states that have not asked to secede from the United States of America are the ones that have made same-sex marriage legal. Connecticut. Maine. Massachusetts. Vermont. Maryland. Iowa. Washington. Washington, D.C. Oh, and Hawaii, the President’s birthplace. (Believe it or not, Mr. Trump.)

Of course, it will never happen. And of course, we’re talking about just a handful of Tea Party troublemakers, so this entire exercise is rather silly and stupid, hatched by the lunatic fringe.

But first, a word on this: Go.

If you’re a “seceder,” I have a few thoughts for you to consider. I’m sick to death of anti-American “patriots” who don’t have one iota of common sense or an ounce of love for what this country really stands. I’m sick to death of those who apparently didn’t pay attention in history or civics or social studies classes in high school (if you got that far).

And you probably did. Because we know that Tea Party supporters are overwhelmingly well-educated. Well compensated. And white.

Yes, I’m talking to you, the Tea Party radicals, the right-wing extremists, and the radical religious right,  those who have taken your cause so far away from mainstream America that we voted your sorry asses out of Congress last week, and landed your lying shape-shifting wing nut leaders, Romney and Ryan, on the loser line.

And for the record, may I just say, “science” and “math.” Because apparently those words are foreign to you.

Now, that said, I have a question for you:

Why is it the first states in the union are generally the ones who uphold traditional American values? Fairness, Equality. Learning. Supporting the poor. Why is it so many of our successors — not the original colonies — are the ones who just can’t get it right?

Anti-gay? Racist? Anti-Muslim? Anti-science? Anti-evolution? High level of child homelessness? High level of uninsured? High level of child malnutrition? High level of high school drop outs? High level of porn watching? High level of teenage pregnancy? High level of repeat teenage pregnancy? High level of divorce? Low level of life expectancy?

Chances are really good we’re not talking about Connecticut. Maine. Massachusetts. Vermont. Maryland. Iowa. Washington. Washington, D.C. Oh, and Hawaii.

Yes, those are the states where no one has yet to “petition” the White House to allow them to secede.

While I recognize that facts and science are irrelevant to many anti-American Tea Party wing nuts, here’s a map that rates states on how they’re doing with child homelessness:

 

 

For the record, child homelessness and divorce are higher in states that ban same sex marriage. That right there should be a clarion call to all the so-called “pro-life” and “pro-family” people.

Only, of course, it’s not.

Consider this, via The National Center on Family Homelessness:

 

 

And if you think you’re on the right side of issues, consider this.

Barack Obama won. He won by turning out the most people in a well run campaign. In other words, he won fair and square.

Those aren’t my words. Those are the words of Tea Party activist (and, God only knows how, but CNN contributor) and RedState founder Erick Erickson, just yesterday:

Barack Obama won the election.

He did not win by stealing the election. Voter irregularities always happen. It is one reason we support voter ID rules. But even in the worse scenario of reports out there, there were not enough tales of voter irregularities to matter nationwide. This is another benefit and built in safeguard of the electoral college.

Barack Obama won. He won by turning out the most people in a well run campaign. In other words, he won fair and square.

We here at RedState are American citizens. We have no plans to secede from the union. If you do, good luck with that, but this is not the place for you.

…

Too many people have spent the past four years obsessed with birth certificates. Now they are obsessed with voter fraud conspiracies, talk of secession, and supposed election changing news stories if only we had known.

So let’s add dabblers in this latest nuttiness to birthers as a category of people we do not welcome at RedState. Our aim is to beat the Democrats, not beat a retreat to a Confederacy that Generals Grant and Sherman rent asunder well over a hundred years ago.

Frankly, however, I say, if you can swing it, if you can actually secede, go for it.

Because you know what? It’s most often Democratic, blue states that are forced to pay out more to the federal government and get back less than red states do.

Michael Moran, writing at Slate, notes that “supposedly indolent, ‘tax and spend’ liberals actually subsidize the individualistic, pure, and hard-working lifestyle of our conservative countrymen.”

Texas can brag all it wants that their budget is “balanced,” but it is in large part thanks to me. And Uncle Sam. And folks in northern states.

So, secede. See ya.

I’m pretty sure we’ll do just fine here up north.

The only problem is, the children.

And minorities.

And the poor.

And the old, the sick, the needy.

Because Lord knows, you Tea Party wing nuts won’t lift a Christian finger of charity to take care of them.

I’m all for splitting America into red states and blue states, and if we could do it geographically, I’d even be fine with never seeing Disney World again.

“According to Chuck Thompson, a veteran travel writer who toured the American South, a degree of mutual enmity between Northerners and Southerners continues to be a source of cultural tension and political gridlock,” Joshua Holland at Salon notes. “We remain divided even as we have grown to become the world’s superpower. In his new book, Better Off Without ‘Em: A Northern Manifesto for Southern Secession, Thompson argues that it may be time for a divorce – to shake hands and go our separate ways.”

Almost every American, at one time or another, has said that it’s too bad the country didn’t just split when we had the chance. We didn’t let the South go when we had the chance. We would have avoided a lot of problems. We – meaning this group in the north as we might identify ourselves – could take the country we want into a direction that we think is befitting of America without this push and pull that comes from the Southern states. At the same time the South could do the same thing.

What really led to this call for secession was understanding that a lot of people from the South are just as sick and tired of people like Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid having an impact on their country as I am sick of people like Newt Gingrich and Jeff Sessions, Eric Cantor, and Haley Barbour having an impact on my country.

So why shouldn’t each of these societies that are really very different from each other in the way they approach the fundamental building blocks of society – education, religion, commerce, politics … both sides of the country really approach their problems in the way they want to put their societies together in very diametrically opposed ways. Why shouldn’t people be allowed to live in a pseudo-theocracy if they want to? If the majority of the people in a very large part of the country wants to have the Ten Commandments emblazoned in front of their legislative houses, why shouldn’t they be allowed to do so?

My call here for secession isn’t really a punitive thing towards the South, though I admit to a lot of these Northern frustrations. It’s an effort to identify these differences; to acknowledge that they’re very striking and very strong, and to say each one of these sides might be better of without the other.

 

But sadly, it’s probably not possible.

So, Tea Party “patriots” will need to become compatriots. They’ll need to lose the attitude. Lose the wing nuts. Lose the hats. Send the GOP to the dust bins of history. And send the anti-gay radical religious right straight back to the Hell from which it came.

Let’s start anew — by recognizing we are a nation of immigrants. And gay people. And Black people. And Women. And…

But God Almighty, cut the selfish, racist, anti-science, anti-evolution, anti-gay, anti-math, anti-education, anti-truth crap. Or get the hell out.

 

For more, please read my “2.9 Million Orphans, Happy Father’s Day.”