Queerica: Life after Obama and the Future of Straight Supremacy
Chivas Sandage takes the readers of the New Civil Right Movement on a tour of an ascendantly queer America in 2013 post Barack Obama’s re-election
This is a guest post by Chivas Sandage, a new contributor to The New Civil Rights Movement.
My wife, daughter, and I were eating quesadillas while musing about future historians and how they’ll look back on the Republican Party’s opposition to our family structure when my teenager asked what superpower I’d choose if I could choose just one. I felt torn between going backward or forward in time, but later, as I drifted off to sleep, I wished to see the future and know just what President Obama’s second term and ultimate legacy will mean for my country—and family. As I fell into dream, I saw a tall, dark-cloaked figure whose face was concealed. A gaunt black hand emerged, pointing toward the bedroom window.
I recognized at once the Ghost of America Yet to Come. I looked into the window where that bony hand pointed. In the morning, I woke from what felt like one hundred years of dreaming in a single night. Dear reader, I feel pressed to report what I saw come to pass.
With Obama’s reelection, the Defense of Marriage Act became known as the Defense of Straight Supremacy Act (DOSSA) and was quickly dumped. Liberals throughout the nation celebrated. Christian fundamentalist protestors filled the streets but then retreated as gay orgies bloomed in broad daylight on every street in America. Heterosexual couples immediately felt the effects of DOSSA’s collapse and their marriages began to disintegrate with the sheer force of erotic energy in the air and water supply. Closeted homosexuals left their marriages in droves. Many heterosexuals divorced because the institution was no longer “sacred†now that they had to check the same box on forms as their LGBTQQIA colleagues and neighbors, not to mention family members they’d shunned or disowned.
Obama made the landmark decision to come out of the closet and announced that both he and Michelle were gay. Like so many, theirs was a marriage of convenience. While Democrats were disappointed to see the first family separate, no one was surprised. Finally, there was a politically correct explanation for Barack’s ability to dance and Michelle’s biceps. Barack became the first gay single father President and Michelle the first lesbian First Lady. After their divorce, Michelle and the girls (and Bo) continued to live in the White House while Barack rented a studio apartment a short commute away. Michelle eventually remarried Rachel Maddow and the first daughters had two moms. Barack remarried Chris Rock (after he also came out) and the first daughters had two dads.
As each year passed, Obama’s legacy ensured that the homosexual agenda to take over the nation and then the world gained momentum. Homosexuals entered a new era of enjoying basic human civil rights while wielding maximum political power. By coincidence, the Senate and Congress were both 100 percent gay when the United States of America was renamed the United States of Queerica.
When Obama passed the baton, he once again made history. A fat activist, Islamic Fundamentalist, Cadillac-driving welfare recipient who was equal parts African-American, Cuban, Vietnamese, Jewish, Palestinian, Native-American, Italian, and Unknown Origin who identified as a stone butch LGBTQQIA single mother of four children (from four sperm donors) became President of the United States of Queerica.
With the election of President Quintasia Hussein Minh Castro Mussolini Laughing-Fox, 
there was a brief bubble of controversy when it was proven that President Laughing-Fox was not an American Citizen but born in an underground bunker in Abbottabad, Pakistan. After several sex scandals occupied the liberal media’s attention, the small matter of a citizenship requirement was quickly forgotten and a new age of gay supremacy strutted into existence. A mate to the Statue of Liberty was erected: Donna Summer holding a microphone above her head.
With the passage of DOMA II, heterosexual marriage became illegal in the USQ. Marriages of sixty years or sixty minutes were annulled, leaving couples and their families in legal limbo. Formerly known as “spouses,†these pairs of unrelated individuals were awkwardly referred to as “friends.†Domestic partnership status was not an option under DOMA II and “friends†were not eligible to share each other’s health insurance benefits, had to file taxes as “single†and no longer qualified for lower rates. A “friend†in the ER or hospital was rarely allowed visits from non-family members—even if seriously ill, injured, or dying. In the event of death, a mourning “friend†was not eligible for the other’s social security benefits and was forced to pay estate taxes on the home they shared.
The military—which only allowed butch lesbians to serve in close-combat units—re-instituted “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell,†further oppressing opposite-sex military families who were suddenly forced to hide their relationships on paper and at the water cooler, on the street and at the military ball. Maiden names were reclaimed and wedding rings slid off. Even the youngest children of straight parents were taught not to talk about their parents, and if forced, to avoid using gender specific terms.
In the good old USQ, a handful of stubborn southern states refused to abide by the federally enforced straight marriage ban and so National Guard troops were sent to ensure compliance. Riots erupted and confederate flags reproduced like rabbits in mixed crowds with non-violent, placard carrying catholic priests marching in solidarity with gun-carrying, pro-secession rednecks, conservative upper middle-class corporate sector professionals, the Trumpsters (merchant protesters paid by the nearly dead Donald), and Mormon missionaries leading the way. The National Guard used tear gas and rubber bullets to disperse the crowds. Interestingly enough, Catholic nuns didn’t protest; they were focused on promoting the spread of communism in Queerica, which had smoothly transitioned to socialism by the end of Obama’s reign in the newly christened Black House. Coincidentally, Spanish became Queerica’s official language when all forms of protest became illegal.
Gay supremacy reigned supreme. The plight of heterosexual people was of little concern to the majority of Queericans who considered straight issues a diversion from more important debates such as whether to sell crack in public school vending machines. Liberals always found a way to either trivialize or demonize straight issues. Gay supremacists claimed that angry, activist heterosexuals were a danger to society and unfit to work with children in any capacity. In fact, “heterosexual†quickly became synonymous with “pedophile.â€
President Laughing-Fox refused to soften her stance against opposite-sex marriage. For many years, a few southern states allowed heterosexuals to have “Civil Unions†but this caused bitter disagreement across Queerica and created legal complications for these couples once they traveled across state lines. The media bombarded the public with slanted news stories, radio talk shows, and polls about whether straights should have marriage rights. Endless debates placed the personal lives and families of heterosexuals on public display 24/7. Those who voiced complaints were labeled as radicals.
One by one, northern states passed laws making it illegal to have heterosexual intercourse, paving the way for a constitutional amendment that made in vitro fertilization the only way to procreate legally. “Friends†could be arrested if neighbors suspected they might be having heterosexual intercourse. Straights caught pursuing their sexual deviations were forced to participate in therapeutic cures. Straight bars became illegal but persisted in some red light districts in Mississippi. Youth who exhibited heterosexual characteristics were bullied in schools across the nation, especially northern states.
Heterosexuals worked hard to pass for gay—adopting new names, styles, gaits, and mannerisms. In order to compete for jobs, many attended “polishing†schools where even the most stubborn straight men could be turned into divas. Straight men also learned the art of negotiating unwanted attention from hard-muscled gay men who took a fancy to them, finding that ever-delicate balance between massaging the male ego by acting appreciative while appearing not quite available yet to avoid inciting sexual harassment, rape, or other physical violence against themselves. Privileges that het men had always taken for granted—like walking down the street alone after dark—were no longer possible unless they had a stone butch bull dyke at their side when the low spark of high-heeled boys lit up the night.
The King Barack Bible traced humans back to the moment Ada and Eve took mutual responsibility for devouring a fig as part of an erotic pagan ritual. Moreover, every Disney princess fell in love with a drag queen or king. In time, it became common for an adult heterosexual to reach middle age or even go through an entire life without having ever kissed a person of the opposite sex.
At the end of the dream, I was watching a 4th of July parade on Main Street in Lubbock, Texas.  It could have been a New York City Pride parade from the early 21st century. There were marching bands with husky dykes carrying tubas and drums while the “girls†played their flutes. I gazed across the cheering, crowded streets filled with Queerican flag-waving comrades celebrating our new global role as ruler of The United Nations of Queerica. Most could not remember when straights had civil rights. In fact, most Queericans had never studied history—it was no longer taught in the schools. Instead, they studied Queerstory.
As always, the fags and a few token femmes stole the parade with their skimpy, gold-sequined leotards and shining batons. Yes, Lubbock was as Queerican as fig pie.
Images of the USA gay flag and gay pride ballon display, courtesy of photo bucket. Image of Donna Summer courtesy of Wikipedia.
Chivas Sandage is the author of Hidden Drive, a first book of poetry, recently published by Antrim House in August 2012. Her essays and poems are forthcoming or recently appeared in Drunken Boat, Evergreen Review, The Hartford Courant, Knockout Magazine, Naugatuck River Review, Paradise Found (Levellers Press, ’12), and Morning Song: Poems for New Parents (St. Martin’s Press, ’11). Her work has also appeared in the Artful Dodge, Hampshire Life Magazine, Ms. Magazine, Upstreet, Manthology: Poems on the Male Experience (Univ. of Iowa Press, ‘06), andSame-Sex Marriage: The Moral and Legal Debate (Prometheus Books, ‘04). She has taught at Westfield State University and earned an MFA in Writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts and a BA from Bennington College. She lives in Connecticut with her wife and daughter. Her blog is http://www.csandage.com.
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Republican Governor Kristi Noem of South Dakota, a top potential Trump vice presidential running mate pick, revealed in a forthcoming book she “hated” her 14-month old puppy and shot it to death. Massive online outrage ensued, including accusations of “animal cruelty” and “cold-blooded murder,” but the pro-life former member of Congress is defending her actions and bragging she had the media “gasping.”
“Cricket was a wirehair pointer, about 14 months old,” Noem writes in her soon-to-be released book, according to The Guardian which reports “the dog, a female, had an ‘aggressive personality’ and needed to be trained to be used for hunting pheasant.”
“By taking Cricket on a pheasant hunt with older dogs, Noem says, she hoped to calm the young dog down and begin to teach her how to behave. Unfortunately, Cricket ruined the hunt, going ‘out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life’.”
“Then, on the way home after the hunt, as Noem stopped to talk to a local family, Cricket escaped Noem’s truck and attacked the family’s chickens, ‘grabb[ing] one chicken at a time, crunching it to death with one bite, then dropping it to attack another’.”
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“Cricket the untrainable dog, Noem writes, behaved like ‘a trained assassin’.”
Except Cricket wasn’t trained. Online several people with experience training dogs have said Noem did everything wrong.
“I hated that dog,” Noem wrote, calling the young girl pup “untrainable,” “dangerous to anyone she came in contact with,” and “less than worthless … as a hunting dog.”
“At that moment,” Noem wrote, “I realized I had to put her down.”
“It was not a pleasant job,” she added, “but it had to be done. And after it was over, I realized another unpleasant job needed to be done.”
The Guardian reports Noem went on that day to slaughter a goat that “smelled ‘disgusting, musky, rancid’ and ‘loved to chase’ Noem’s children, knocking them down and ruining their clothes.”
She dragged both animals separately into a gravel pit and shot them one at a time. The puppy died after one shell, but the goat took two.
On social media Noem expressed no regret, no sadness, no empathy for the animals others say did not need to die, and certainly did not need to die so cruelly.
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But she did use the opportunity to promote her book.
We love animals, but tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm. Sadly, we just had to put down 3 horses a few weeks ago that had been in our family for 25 years.
If you want more real, honest, and politically INcorrect stories that’ll have the media gasping,… pic.twitter.com/bKhpUkchHV
— Kristi Noem (@KristiNoem) April 26, 2024
Attorney and legal analyst Jeffrey Evan Gold says Governor Noem’s actions might have violated state law.
“You slaughtered a 14-month-old puppy because it wasn’t good at the ‘job’ you chose for it?” he asked. “SD § 40-1-2.3. ‘No person owning or responsible for the care of an animal may neglect, abandon, or mistreat the animal.'”
The Democratic National Committee released a statement saying, “Kristi Noem’s extreme record goes beyond bizarre rants about killing her pets – she also previously said a 10-year-old rape victim should be forced to carry out her pregnancy, does not support exceptions for rape or incest, and has threatened to throw pharmacists in jail for providing medication abortions.”
Former Trump White House Director of Strategic Communications Alyssa Farah Griffin, now a co-host on “The View” wrote, “There are countless organizations that re-home dogs from owners who are incapable of properly training and caring for them.”
The Lincoln Project’s Rick Wilson blasted the South Dakota governor.
“Kristi Noem is trash,” he began. “Decades with hunting- and bird-dogs, and the number I’ve killed because they were chicken-sharp or had too much prey drive is ZERO. Puppies need slow exposure to birds, and bird-scent.”
“She killed a puppy because she was lazy at training bird dogs, not because it was a bad dog,” he added. “Not every dog is for the field, but 99.9% of them are trainable or re-homeable. We have one now who was never going in the field, but I didn’t kill her. She’s sleeping on the couch. You down old dogs, hurt dogs, and sick dogs humanely, not by shooting them and tossing them in a gravel pit. Unsporting and deliberately cruel…but she wrote this to prove the cruelty is the point.”
Melissa Jo Peltier, a writer and producer of the “Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan” series, also heaped strong criticism on Noem.
“After 10+ years working with Cesar Millan & other highly specialized trainers, I believe NO dog should be put down just because they can’t or won’t do what we decide WE want them to,” Peltier said in a lengthy statement. “Dogs MUST be who they are. Sadly, that’s often who WE teach them to be. And our species is a hot mess. I would have happily taken Kristi Noem’s puppy & rehomed it. What she did is animal cruelty & cold blooded murder in my book.”
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President Joe Biden gave an nearly-unannounced, last-minute, live exclusive interview Friday morning to Howard Stern, the SiriusXM radio host who for decades, from the mid-1990s to about 2015, was a top Trump friend, fan, and aficionado. But the impetus behind the President’s move appears to be a rare and unsigned statement from the The New York Times Company, defending the “paper of record” after months of anger from the public over what some say is its biased negative coverage of the Biden presidency and, especially, a Thursday report by Politico claiming Times Publisher A.G. Sulzberger is furious the President has refused to give the “Grey Lady” an in-person interview.
“The Times’ desire for a sit-down interview with Biden by the newspaper’s White House team is no secret around the West Wing or within the D.C. bureau,” Politico reported. “Getting the president on the record with the paper of record is a top priority for publisher A.G. Sulzberger. So much so that last May, when Vice President Kamala Harris arrived at the newspaper’s midtown headquarters for an off-the-record meeting with around 40 Times journalists, Sulzberger devoted several minutes to asking her why Biden was still refusing to grant the paper — or any major newspaper — an interview.”
“In Sulzberger’s view,” Politico explained, “only an interview with a paper like the Times can verify that the 81-year-old Biden is still fit to hold the presidency.”
But it was this statement that made Politico’s scoop go viral.
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“’All these Biden people think that the problem is Peter Baker or whatever reporter they’re mad at that day,’ one Times journalist said. ‘It’s A.G. He’s the one who is pissed [that] Biden hasn’t done any interviews and quietly encourages all the tough reporting on his age.'”
Popular Information founder Judd Legum in March documented The New York Times’ (and other top papers’) obsession with Biden’s age after the Hur Report.
1. The media turned Robert Hur’s amateur assessment of Biden’s memory into a political crisis.
Collectively, the @washingtonpost, @nytimes, and @WSJ have run 66 articles quoting Hur: a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory”
But when the transcript of the Biden interview… pic.twitter.com/cExzjuKeYz
— Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) March 14, 2024
Thursday evening the Times put out a “scorching” statement, as Politico later reported, not on the newspaper’s website but on the company’s corporate website, not addressing the Politico piece directly but calling it “troubling” that President Biden “has so actively and effectively avoided questions from independent journalists during his term.”
Media watchers and critics pushed back on the Times’ statement.
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“NYT issues an unprecedented statement slamming Biden for ‘actively and effectively avoid[ing] questions from independent journalists during his term’ and claiming it’s their ‘independence’ that Biden dislikes, when it’s actually that they’re dying to trip him up,” wrote media critic Dan Froomkin, editor of Press Watch.
Froomkin also pointed to a 2017 report from Poynter, a top journalism site published by The Poynter Institute, that pointed out the poor job the Times did of interviewing then-President Trump.
Incidentally, when the NYT got a chance to interview Trump, they went belly up. https://t.co/fW5kx5868d pic.twitter.com/LbrhfYMtqf
— Dan Froomkin (PressWatchers.org) (@froomkin) April 25, 2024
Others, including former Biden Deputy Secretary of State Brian McKeon, debunked the Times’ claim President Biden hasn’t given interviews to independent journalists by pointing to Biden’s interviews with CBS News’ “60 Minutes” and a 20-minute sit-down interview with veteran journalist John Harwood for ProPublica.
Former Chicago Sun-Times editor Mark Jacob, now a media critic who publishes Stop the Presses, offered a more colorful take of Biden’s decision to go on Howard Stern.
This is the equivalent of putting a bag of dog poop on the New York Times’ doorstep and setting it on fire. https://t.co/RhGbHH9pU2
— Mark Jacob (@MarkJacob16) April 26, 2024
The Times itself just last month reported on a “wide-ranging interview” President Biden gave to The New Yorker.
Watch the video and read the social media posts above or at this link.
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Donald Trump’s Friday morning claim Manhattan’s Criminal Courts Building is “heavily guarded” so his supporters cannot attend his trial was torched by a top CNN anchor. The ex-president, facing 34 felony charges in New York, had been urging his followers to show up and protest on the courthouse steps, but few have.
“I’m at the heavily guarded Courthouse. Security is that of Fort Knox, all so that MAGA will not be able to attend this trial, presided over by a highly conflicted pawn of the Democrat Party. It is a sight to behold! Getting ready to do my Courthouse presser. Two minutes!” Trump wrote Friday morning on his Truth Social account.
CNN’s Kaitlan Collins supplied a different view.
“Again, the courthouse is open the public. The park outside, where a handful of his supporters have gathered on trials days, is easily accessible,” she wrote minutes after his post.
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Trump has tried to rile up his followers to come out and make a strong showing.
On Monday Trump urged his supporters to “rally behind MAGA” and “go out and peacefully protest” at courthouses across the country, while complaining that “people who truly LOVE our Country, and want to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, are not allowed to ‘Peacefully Protest,’ and are rudely and systematically shut down and ushered off to far away ‘holding areas,’ essentially denying them their Constitutional Rights.”
On Wednesday Trump claimed, “The Courthouse area in Lower Manhattan is in a COMPLETE LOCKDOWN mode, not for reasons of safety, but because they don’t want any of the thousands of MAGA supporters to be present. If they did the same thing at Columbia, and other locations, there would be no problem with the protesters!”
After detailing several of his false claims about security measures prohibiting his followers from being able to show their support and protest, CNN published a fact-check on Wednesday:
“Trump’s claims are all false. The police have not turned away ‘thousands of people’ from the courthouse during his trial; only a handful of Trump supporters have shown up to demonstrate near the building,” CNN reported.
“And while there are various security measures in place in the area, including some street closures enforced by police officers and barricades, it’s not true that ‘for blocks you can’t get near this courthouse.’ In reality, the designated protest zone for the trial is at a park directly across the street from the courthouse – and, in addition, people are permitted to drive right up to the front of the courthouse and walk into the building, which remains open to the public. If people show up early enough in the morning, they can even get into the trial courtroom itself or the overflow room that shows near-live video of the proceedings.”
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President Hands Howard Stern Live Interview After NY Times Melts Down Over Biden Brush-Off
CNN Smacks Down Trump Rant Courthouse So ‘Heavily Guarded’ MAGA Cannot Attend His Trial
Noem Defends Shooting Her 14-Month Old Puppy to Death, Brags She Has Media ‘Gasping’
Noem Defends Shooting Her 14-Month Old Puppy to Death, Brags She Has Media ‘Gasping’
President Hands Howard Stern Live Interview After NY Times Melts Down Over Biden Brush-Off
CNN Smacks Down Trump Rant Courthouse So ‘Heavily Guarded’ MAGA Cannot Attend His Trial
‘Assassination of Political Rivals as an Official Act’: AOC Warns Take Trump ‘Seriously’
Justices’ Views on Trump Immunity Stun Experts: ‘Watching the Constitution Be Rewritten’
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