Today’s Out October Project story comes from Michelle, whose family had all but given up on her. In the midst of risking losing one family she gained another one.
We met in January of 1991 while we were both in middle school. I (Michelle) was a tough tom-boy type and would try to throw Lorrie in the trash can, threw bugs on her (because she would scream, and I found it humorous.) I now realize I was like a little boy trying to flirt with her. We went on and I outgrew my taunting of her. She always had a boyfriend and we usually had mutual friends. After high school we lost contact for about two years.
We were reunited in our “Old Testament†class in college. Lorrie had gotten married and had an eighteen-month old little girl with one on the way. She said when she saw me sitting in class she almost peed her pants thinking I would beat her up and make her do my homework.
We became best friends and then when her third daughter was on the way I realized there was more to the story. In November of 2001 we talked about how we felt about each other. She was married and five months pregnant at the time. I moved in with her, her husband, and two kids the next day. Yes, I know this fits the typical lesbian with a u-haul persona to a “T.”
In January of 2003 her husband moved out and I had been living there off and on. At that point I officially moved in and my mom found out shortly after. I had been a Religion major and was a licensed youth minister prior to the relationship. My mom wouldn’t even talk to me. During the time that we were not talking she told me that she prayed that I would die because it would be easier for me to be dead than “like this.†Lorrie’s parents did not know that we were together. And would not find out until fall of 2009.
During the time between 2003 and 2009 I “lived†in the bedroom, I did not come out and not many people knew I was in there. I went to school and work and paid my portion of the bills. But when it came time for me to come home at night I snuck in. We knew that had her parents known they would try to take custody of the girls who we of course love and would do anything to protect. They ended up finding out about us on September 25 of 2009 and the court papers for custody were filed on October 4. It didn’t take them long. Since that time I have moved back in with my parents who still aren’t happy about our relationship and don’t want to see or hear much about it. We are currently living about a mile apart for a full year as of tomorrow and are waiting for this hell to be over. Through it all we have each other.
Her parents have said every hateful thing you can imagine, and I won’t even delve into their bigotry.
Anyway, it has been a wild nine years to say the least. Like a lot of other couples we are just waiting for that day to come when I can go home and things will be okay again. Through it all I have learned to take advantage of the little things in spending time together, some days that’s all we have. I will never give up on our family and what will be again.
This is of course the very abbreviated version of our story…we could write a novel. But at our darkest moments we have learned to hang on because for every bad day we have eventually had two or more good ones. Hang in there and no matter what always remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Remember, there are always options.
The Trevor Project: a 24-hour hotline for gay and questioning youth: 866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)