• Source: Takeaway/Flickr
  • Instant Noodles Make You Gay – and 9 Other Crazy Conservative Conspiracy Theories on Sexuality

    Instant noodles, tattoos, going to prison and more. Here are some of the top things that conservatives have claimed turn people gay.

    The mayor of the Indonesian city of Tangerang – which has a population of over two million – recently attended a city-run pregnancy seminar where he claimed that milk formula and instant noodles could make babies gay. Now let's just be clear, there is absolutely no scientific evidence whatsoever that instant noodles will make men start craving manly noodles; however that didn’t stop Mayor Arief R Wismansyah from making the absurd accusation. Believe it or not, instant noodles is just one of the many whacky gay conspiracy theories conservatives have concocted out of thin air.

    Because of this, I decided to round up a few of my favorites and share them with you below. Here are nine, incredibly ridiculous ways you can turn gay according to various religious and/or conservative nut jobs.

    1.) Prison – While Ben Carson was campaigning to be the next republican presidential nominee, CNN asked him if he thought homosexuality was a choice. “Absolutely,” he replied. “Because a lot of people who go into prison go into prison straight — and when they come out, they’re gay.” This is from the same man who claimed that the pyramids were not tombs, but rather ancient grain storage units built by Joseph.

    2.) Juice Boxes – Look out soccer moms! You better think twice before handing you kids a refreshing juice box after practice. According to radio show host and conspiracy theory king Alex jones, the reason there are so many gay people now is because the government wants to encourage homosexuality with chemicals so that people don’t have children. How are these chemicals being distributed? Juice boxes of course!

    3.) Tattoos – Mallam Ya Wadudu, a leading spiritualist in the West African nation of Ghana, said that getting a tattoo could unknowingly make a person beholden to spirits which would then punish them by pushing them into things like homosexuality, alcoholism, prostitution or stealing.

    4.) Standardized School Testing - Florida State Rep. Charles Van Zant (R) once spoke at the “Operation Education Conference” in Orlando, and warned that officials implementing Common Core (academic standards in mathematics and English language arts/literacy) were trying to promote the LGBT agenda. He claimed Common Core was determined to “attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can.”

    5.) Disney’s 'Frozen' – In a radio broadcast, Pastor Kevin Swanson said, "I wonder if people are thinking, 'You know, I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way.' I wonder if the average parent going to see 'Frozen' is thinking that way."

    Whackadoo author, Kathryn Skaggs, agreed that the animated film promoted homosexuality to children. "I could blatantly see that the homosexual agenda, to normalize the practice, was not simply an underlying message in the movie 'Frozen,' but is the actual story," she said.

    6.) Eating Chicken - Back in 2010, Bolivian President Evo Morales spoke at an environmental conference in Cochabamba where he claimed that hormones in chicken cause homosexuality and baldness. Columbian model, Natalia Paris, also jumped on the “chicken makes you gay” bandwagon. Who knew it was a thing?

    7.) Eating Tofu – Religious author, Jim Rutz, went on a rant back in 2006 claiming that soy was the reason your children are turning into homosexuals.

    “Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality,” he said. “That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.”

    8.) Doritos – These chips “make the perfect gateway snack to introduce children to the joys of homosexuality,” according to conservative blogger Ed Straker. He went on to say, “I think we should push other companies to launch pro-heterosexual campaigns.  Perhaps we could persuade a hot dog maker and a hot dog bun company to do a joint effort promoting man-woman relationships.”

    9.) Dancing – A group of men were arrested last year by Saudi Arabia’s morality police for dancing at a birthday party. An official urged parents to monitor this kind of behavior "because it can lead to immorality and even homosexuality."

    Those are the top conspiracy theories for why people turn gay. Let us know which one is your favorite in the comments section below. Also, if you know of any we missed, we'd love to hear about those too!


    Image by Takeaway via Wikimedia


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    • commented 2016-02-27 14:09:44 -0500
      This explains a lot! In college I lived on raman noodles!

    • commented 2016-02-27 10:18:18 -0500
      Add chicken to your noodles and BOOM!

    • commented 2016-02-27 09:55:16 -0500
      Holy crap, I should be more gay than Ellen and Melissa combined. I love Ramen noodles. I wouldn’t mind, but I seem to be stuck straight…

    • commented 2016-02-27 09:49:37 -0500
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    • commented 2016-02-27 00:44:37 -0500
      Well, what I heard – and have on much better scientific knowledge than any of the above – is that the only way to guarantee you will never “turn” gay is to eat poop. Yup, poop, and lots of it. Elephant poop is the absolute best guarantee. Since my sources on this are absolutely impeccable, you should get this vital information out to all the frightened teapubs so they can protect themselves as soon as possible!

    • commented 2016-02-26 20:52:30 -0500
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    • commented 2016-02-26 19:37:21 -0500
      I now understand why I’m bisexual.. I wonder why I’m not full lesbian tho I mean Chicken is a staple of my diet.. (sarcasm)
      This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever read or heard.

    • commented 2016-02-26 16:17:31 -0500
      According to Paul in Romans 1, it is statues which turn people gay. Statues of gods, in the form of humans, birds, snakes, lizards and whatever. Those will do it.

    • commented 2016-02-26 12:13:23 -0500
      Growing up in a southern Baptist church is what did it to me.

    • commented 2016-02-26 10:29:21 -0500
      David, you need to post Bachmann is God poster re HETERO sapuens here. …
      MEANWHILE, I have. Then post this as header for this.
      ‘As noted, at least the Bachmann is God bunch have accepted that being LGBT is natural and all part of our biologic genus ’Homo sapiens’. (and don’t like it) …Some folks haven’t gotten that far.’

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