FunnyOrDie “Uncovers” Mike Pence’s “Leaked” Presidential Website

“Russian Translation Coming Soon”

An “exclusive video, seen below and “leaked by a White House staffer” from humor site FunnyOrDie, has “revealed” Mike Pence’s “preparations for his rise to the role of President.” It offers insight into the creation of officialmikepence.com.

The site itself, a “private link” which advises not to share it, proudly displays the Pence/Christ White House ticket and slogan, “See you tomorrow, for tomorrow is now today.” It chronicles Donald Trump’s resignation, leading to Pence’s rise to President of the United States of America.

“With a political toolbelt equipped with a liberal arts education, legal degree, public radio show, decades of public service, and strong family values like Bible and No-Mulan,” the site describes, “Pence was ready to join Republican Presidential nominee and fellow heterosexual Donald Trump on the 2016 GOP ticket.”

“With the resignation of President Trump now in the past,” it concludes, “Pence is excited to look toward the future as the 46th President of the United States of America.”

The site provides “Mike Facts,” including that “Mike Pence went to college, [likes] to watch movies,” and even includes his favorite type of technology: radio.

Visitors can sign up for email notifications for the best ways to “kill all your tiny dogs,” track the number of “Gays Who Have Returned to the Lord,” and even review the “upcoming” President’s weekly meals with “What I Ate.” (Highlights include a stress-induced six hash browns for breakfast, after an abruptly-canceled breakfast meeting with a “non-relative female,” and “Mother’s Spaghetti” for dinner.)

Other highlights include “Mother May I,” a Q&A section from Karen Pence, ads about who Pence will deport (Italians, Jewish person, mirrors in women’s bathrooms and men wearing boxer briefs) and a guide to the issues. (“Corn is our country. And our country is corn.”)

Homosexual site visitors can be redirected to Hell.com, a reminder of Pence’s longtime opposition of the LGBT community, and the shop offers official Pence “mouth corner ointment,” lounging slippers and “3-in-1 hair, teeth and face whitener.”

In the era of “fake news,” The New Civil Rights Movement would like to remind readers that it is, in fact, April 1st. You can visit the “official” website here. (The Russian translation is “coming soon.”)