The State Of The Gay Union

In the earliest years of the twenty-first century, it felt like things were going well for the gay community. The prior decade had brought us the discriminatory “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, forged as a compromise in 1993 to gays who had been promised by Bill Clinton that they would be allowed to serve openly in the military. Then 1996’s extremely damaging Defense of Marriage Act became the law of the land, and it seemed like the last nail in the coffin for gay rights and gay marriage had been pounded. But soon came hope. In 1997, Hawaii offered “reciprocal beneficiary registration“; basically, “domestic partnership lite”.

In 2000, Vermont began recognizing civil unions. Three years later, sodomy laws were deemed unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. And in 2004, Massachussetts became the first state to legalize gay marriage. 2005 brought us civil unions in Connecticut, and the following year in New Jersey. We were on a roll. 

In the spring of 2008, California legalized gay marriage. We had won big. The tide had not only turned, it felt like a tsunami of gay rights legalization was about to flood America. Certainly, gay marriage would become legal across the U.S.? Certainly, we deserved it? But we forgot about DOMA. And we forgot about the religious conservatives. And we forgot we had a Republican in the White House. And we forgot to take action. And, as we had won big earlier that year, we lost even bigger. 

The November 2008 elections hurt the gay community greatly. The same day we put a Democrat in the White House, we watched as gay marriage bans, and not gay marriage, seemingly flooded the country. Florida and Arizona joined California in banning gay marriage. Arkansas joined other states in banning gay adoption. The next day, the gay community was furious. And the gay civil rights movement was reborn.

Today, forty two states have effectively banned gay marriage. Only two states allow gay marriage, while another seven (including DC) have approved civil unions or domestic partnerships. New York has not banned gay marriage and recognizes same-sex marriages from other states or countries. Only New Mexico has no statutes regarding gay marriage.

As I wrote a few days ago in “If You Want Gay Marriage, You Need To Fight For Gay Adoption“, 

“It’s been a few months since Prop 8 passed. We were angry. We got a lot of attention and made a lot of headway in getting people on our side. But now, like new year’s resolutions, we’ve grown complacent. Well, it’s time to wake up and start fighting again.”

This is a fight that does not end once your state has reached the finish line. On the popular social networking site Twitter, I noticed yesterday someone wrote,

“you know really, i wonder if 16 million californians have enough money to make gay marriage legal in utah…“

It portrayed a frustration that in reality, legalization of gay marriage in this country is a matter not of law or morality, but of money. And effort. And community. And organization. 

As I said, today, forty two states have effectively banned gay marriage. There are battles appearing almost weekly across the country to enact more constitutional bans against gay marriage. But there are also bills appearing across the country to invalidate or overturn those bans. It is all in flux right now. Today. And whether we win or lose is up to you. Yes, you. Remember that anger you had November 4th, November 5th, even January 5th? Well, it’s time to resurrect it. Because the fight is just beginning. And like it or not, you’re included.