Lately I’ve been doing a great deal of research into both sides of the gay marriage debate. Both sides are using all sorts of different arguments to propel their case forward. This may indeed be the most emotional national debate we’ve had since the ’60s. And rightly so, as there truly are lives and families at stake.
One of the arguments often put forth is to say “it’s about the children.” The anti-gay marriage folks claim their interest in denying gays the right to marry is that children, in order to grow up healthy, should be raised in a home with a mother and father. Pro-gay marriage folks say that children need to come from a loving home, hopefully with two parents, of any gender. Others feel that a child with no parents, or with abusive parents is better off living in a home with just one adult, straight or gay, rather than be thrust into the care of the state.
There are plenty of reports and studies, most probably credible, that one can point to to support any of these positions. I’d like to offer another aspect of the equation to examine: what’s best for children who are or will identify as adult members of the LGBT community? What’s in their best interests?
A few thoughts we have to agree on first:
1. It’s best for children to live in a loving home.
2. Gay adults can be good parents.
That said, parents can and should be good role models. A loving relationship to a child looks no different if the parents are a gay couple or a straight couple. The benefit gay couples have over straight couples in parenting is that they usually adopt, and therefore have gone through a decisioned process before becoming parents. If adopting children who are older or more mature, gay parents can be excellent role models to gay children. Which by no means is to suggest that gay couples cannot or should not be parents to straight or yet-to-self-identify children of any orientation. This is simply a reminder that gay children need to see successful examples of gay couples to reinforce their own self-esteem.