Sunday morning, after trying to hail a cab for far too long, I finally got to Grand Central and boarded the Metro North train to Connecticut with my Mother’s Day gift bag in one hand, a Starbucks’ coffee and muffin in the other and my backpack on my shoulder. Shortly after grabbing a seat on the crowded holiday train a family of five (young boy, young girl, mom, dad, and dog) spread out and grabbed various non-adjacent seats near me. I grabbed my weekend New York Times for cover.
Mom and son were right across from me, and her entire conversation with the five-year-old seemed focused on this choice or that choice. “Do you want your book now or candy now?” “Do you want the book about the train or the book about baseball?” An elderly passenger asked the boy how old he was. “Five and three quarters!” “Oh, you’re going to have a birthday soon! Are you going to have a party?” To which mom chimed in, “Well, he and his sister haven’t decided yet if it’s going to be Chuck E. Cheese or pizza.”
Of course the family-of-five got me thinking about how families have changed, so on the way home when I came across the Times piece, “Immigration Status of Army Spouses Often Leads to Snags,” I thought I was ready.
What I wasn’t ready for was the huge hypocrisy I was about to read.
It seems in today’s military, there are a fair number of servicemembers married to immigrants who are in the country, for one reason or another, “illegally.” (While I hate that term, in this context it’s fitting.) The military, it seems, is hard at work, on a case-by-case basis, trying to obtain legal status for some spouses.
Now, let me say this first: I think if someone is prepared to lay down their life to protect mine, they should be paid a lot of money, given free health care and college tuition and a job, for life. And if their spouse needs citizenship papers — or if they do — it should be automatic (unless they’re a convicted felon, perhaps.)
So, hooray for the military, trying to do the right thing. I hope they extend this treatment, given the excessive tours of duty our armed forces are being forced into, for wars we should not be fighting.
But the naked hypocrisy is mind-blowing. The Times explains,
Immigration lawyers and Department of Homeland Security officials say that many thousands of people in the military have spouses or close relatives who are illegal immigrants.
Today the issue is not only personal. “It is an issue of readiness for the American armed forces,†says Representative Zoe Lofgren, the Democrat from California who leads the House subcommittee on immigration. “We have many Americans who are afraid to deploy.â€
Lieutenant Tenebro would like to make a career in the military, including new missions to Iraq or Afghanistan, but for now he is not stepping forward for an overseas deployment. “Our situation has kept me at bay because of the constant worry that something might happen to my family while I am away,†he said.
The issue is not only personal, it is an issue of readiness for the American armed forces. And there are far more lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender servicemembers – an estimated 65,000 — who are stepping forward, I might add, and serving in fear, not of their spouses being deported, but of dying and their not-illegal, just not-legally-recognized, spouses not knowing because their mere existence would be grounds for termination.
(There is, of course, also the matter of same-sex couples having one member in the armed forces, and the other an “illegal,” and because they are same-sex, there are few opportunities for them to marry. Even if they do, married same-sex couples are not recognized by the federal government, so their union will not stop a deportation from taking place. More hypocrisy and injustice. And another reason why so many same-sex couples are giving up their citizenship and moving to countries that do recognize their relationships.)
Picture the city cop on a beat whose wife knows every day he goes off to work he may not come home. Think of the daily fear she has of there being a knock on the door, and two officers standing outside. Now imagine what it must be like for a military wife, knowing that the last time she saw her husband, months ago, may have been the last. Then imagine that her “husband” is a woman, and the military won’t even contact her because she isn’t legally allowed to exist.
Imagine your husband or wife being killed for serving your country, and your country not ever even knocking on your door.
Yes, in today’s military, if you are a man married to woman who is “illegal,” the armed forces will work to obtain citizenship for your “illegal” spouse, but if you are a man in a relationship with another man, the military will fire you if they find out.
Imagine the Hell America puts its 65,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender soldiers and their families through every single day.
There’s that lovely MetroNorth family-of-five, swimming in choice after blissful choice. There’s the dutiful, dedicated family serving their country, one spouse legal, one spouse not.
And then there are the 65,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender soldiers serving their country, dutifully, dedicated, and what do they get?
A discharge.
This is just a small part of the tyranny that is “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” We must act, now, to repeal this law that unfairly treats so many thousands of honorable soldiers who are working to protect America.
Yes, in today’s America, some families are more equal than others.
Act now! Visit Veteran’s Lobby Day for more information, and contact your Senator!