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Out October: My Journey To Lesbianhood: I Came Out Twice

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Editor’s note:

This is the second in our month-long series, “The Out October Project,” designed to “help bring realization into people’s lives that there are others out there,” and that, “there is hope in numbers, there is strength in support.” You can see all the stories here.

Today’s story is by Tanya Domi, a former Army Captain who served for fifteen years and was
honorably discharged in 1990.  During her career, she survived the Ft. Deven’s witchhunt (1974-1975) and later was investigated as a Captain.  She works at Columbia University in New York City and lives with her partner Deborah Kasner and Bailey, her golden retriever.

I grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, an enclave of intolerance for any difference, but especially so during the 1960s and 1970s.

When one grows up in an oppressive environment, you are either subsumed into that intolerance—collapsed into espousing it actively or by complicity in active silence—or you push back and resist and become an “outlaw,” which I became, although, even as a teen I was respected by many peers for my vocal advocacy of equality for African Americans and women.

It took a long time for me to figure out I was a lesbian. I think my journey began in the fifth grade when I played basketball and softball in an Indianapolis city parks program. I was totally enthralled with my coach—Lynda, who I will never forget—and did everything imaginable to secure her attention and obtain her approval. She was a great basketball player and an even better fast pitch softball player. Here was this strong woman, who was self-possessed and was distinctly identified in the world for her athletic prowess, not through marriage. Her existence opened up my world to other possibilities that were not espoused for women in the 1960s. One of my sweetest memories is sitting next to Lynda on the bench and smelling her, as she wore “Tabu,” one of the popular fragrances of that era.

If I had “grown” out of my crush on Lynda, it would have been dismissed as a phase, but I never grew up or out of it. Looking back, I now know that Lynda was my first crush on a woman.

At the beginning of my sophomore year in college I became aware that I was on the horns of self-discovery—something was different for me—it was clear to me that I was not interested in men. I became aware that Karen, the resident assistant on my floor at Indiana University, was in a very close relationship with a woman. I became envious of their intimacy and finally realized that I really wanted a similar kind of relationship. And yet, I had not become conscious of my sexual feelings for women. A passing caress by one of IU swimmers toward me during a study session so frightened me that I ran out of her room, never discussing it again. I loved the feeling of her touch, but I ran away because of its unfamiliarity and taboo. If I wanted her touch, what would that make me? I could not go there just yet.

By the time I enlisted in the Army in 1974 (an accidental career precipitated by the pending divorce of my parents), I was headed toward a total embrace of lesbianism, although unbeknownst to me.

When I arrived to Ft. McClellan, Alabama, it was nearly midnight. As new privates in the U.S. Army, we were efficiently lined up and issued linens, towels, and promptly sent to bed in the early hours of the morning. I heard the cries of women around me before falling into a short and restless sleep. Suddenly, the bay lights came on for the first full day in basic training as the platoon sergeant shouted “all you sleeping beauties, rise and shine!”

Despite many misgivings about my career choice, I enjoyed the regiment and the rhythm of training. Saturday nights in the laundry room were sessions in shoe shining, ironing and sharing platoon gossip. Finally, one night, Nancy, sitting on the floor next to me as we leaned against the dryer, told me she was a “lesbian” and tilted over to kiss me. I did not resist. I was wowed and thrilled by her boldness. Her kiss and our mutual crush through basic training, culminated in a thrilling and frustrating night of clumsy love making in an Army issued pup tent during our field training exercise before graduation. Those moments changed me forever.

By the time I arrived to Ft. Devens, Massachusetts in March 1974, I was in the early days of loving women—the lovely days of discovering “true love” and of having found oneself. Not knowing or fully appreciating the dangers of the love, we dare not speak of; I went to Boston for the weekend with a group of women, which included my first visit to a gay bar called “The Other Side.” It was a weekend that furthered self-discovery, completely innocent and full of excitement.

Upon our return to base, all of us who went to the gay bar were called into security and read our Miranda rights—the accusation was for being a homosexual, a lesbian. I was so young, and not fully out to myself and not to the world. The investigation began and would not end for 15 months. And yet, while the infamous Ft. Devens witch-hunt continued, unabated in its viciousness, I persisted in my dangerous exploration and fell in love with Karen, my first love. This genuine love affair of the heart prompted a phone call to my mother, who I thought would be supportive and embrace my new self-discovery.

I remember how happy I was—so joyful in really knowing love for the first time. The moment I told my mother I had fallen in love with a woman and I felt I was gay, she responded by telling me: “your life will be so terrible and lonely.” I was shocked by her response—immediately changing the moment to a bittersweet one. Her response would create another wall between us, which would lengthen over the years.

I finished out my enlistment and went back to university to complete my bachelor’s degree and obtained my officer’s commission, while I remained in the Army Reserves.

Because of the Reagan recession, I reentered the Army in 1982 and remained in the closet. Yes, I knew I was gay, but I thought I could make a career in the Army because I was good at it and I loved the life of being a soldier. I did not fully understand how the Army’s enforcement of the gay ban would affect me emotionally. While I remained in the closet hiding, I would establish a successful career as an Army officer that would lead to my nomination to teach at West Point. And yet despite all the success, an investigation into my sexuality, triggered by a report I had made about a colleague who had sexually harassed me, finally woke me up to the belief that I would never have a healthy and happy personal life in the Army. It would only be a matter of time before I was “caught” being a lesbian and my life could be ruined.

I paid an incredibly high price for remaining in the military closet for all those years. Consequently, I never had a healthy, intimate relationship until several years after I left the Army behind, well into my late 30s. As the gay military ban issue began to heat up because of public demands for repeal of the discriminatory policy by returning veterans who served in Desert Storm, I proudly and publicly joined out military colleagues at the Pentagon on Veterans Day in 1991 declaring myself a lesbian, while we engaged in a protest. The pride of being out, being honest and truthful about who I am was a relief and removed a burden that has never returned. Being truthful for the first time in my adult life about being lesbian, created the emotional space for my horizons to expand and put me on a trajectory that has made for a purposive, thrilling at times, engaging and interesting life. I only wish I had come out sooner.

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‘Repercussions’: Democrats and Republicans Stand Against ‘Pro-Putin’ House GOP Faction

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April 18, 2024

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Some House Democrats and House Republicans are coming together toward a common opponent: far-right “pro-Putin” hardliners in the House Republican conference, who appear to be led by U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA).

Congresswoman Greene has been threatening to oust the Republican Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson. Last month she filed a “motion to vacate the chair.” If she chooses to call it up she could force a vote on the House floor to try to remove Speaker Johnson.

House Democrats say they are willing to vote against ousting Johnson, as long as the Speaker puts on the floor desperately needed and long-awaited legislation to fund aid to Ukraine and Israel. Johnson has refused to put the Ukraine aid bill on the floor for months, but after Iran attacked Israel Johnson switched gears. Almost all Democrats and a seemingly large number of Republicans want to pass the Ukraine and Israel aid packages.

RELATED: Marjorie Taylor Greene, ‘Putin’s Envoy’? Democrat’s Bills Mock Republican’s Actions

Forgoing the possibility of installing Democratic House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries as Speaker, which is conceivable given Johnson’s now one-vote majority, Democrats say if Johnson does the right thing, they will throw him their support.

“I think he’ll be in good shape,” to get Democrats to support him, if he puts the Ukraine aid bill on the floor, U.S. Rep. Raja Krishnamoorthi (D-IL) told CNN Thursday. “I would say that there’s a lot of support for the underlying bills. I think those are vital.”

“If these bills were delivered favorably, and the aid was favorably voted upon, and Marjorie Taylor Greene went up there with a motion to remove him, for instance, I think there’s gonna be a lot of Democrats that move to kill that motion,” Congressman Krishnamoorthi said. “They don’t want to see him getting punished for doing the right thing.”

“I think it is a very bad policy of the House to allow one individual such as Marjorie Taylor Greene, who is an arsonist to this House of Representatives,” U.S. Rep. Dan Goldman (D-NY) told CBS News’ Scott MacFarlane, when asked about intervening to save Johnson. He added he doesn’t want her “to have so much influence.”

U.S. Rep. Anthony D’Esposito, one of several Republicans who won their New York districts in 2022, districts that were previously held by Democrats, opposes Greene’s motion to vacate – although he praised the Georgia GOP congresswoman.

CNN’s Manu Raju reports Republicans “say it’s time to marginalize hardliners blocking [their] agenda.”

D’Esposito, speaking to Raju, called for “repercussions for those who completely alienate the will of the conference. The people gave us the majority because they wanted Republicans to govern.”

U.S. Rep. Mike Lawler, like D’Esposito is another New York Republican who won a previously Democratic seat in 2022. Lawler spoke out against the co-sponsor of Greene’s motion to vacate, U.S. Rep. Tim Massie (R-KY), along with two other House Republicans who are working to block the Ukraine aid bill via their powerful seats on the Rules Committee.

U.S. Rep. Mikie Sherrill (D-NJ), a former Navy pilot, blasted Congresswoman Greene.

RELATED: ‘They Want Russia to Win So Badly’: GOP Congressman Blasts Far-Right House Republicans

“Time is of the essence” for Ukraine, Rep. Sherrill told CNN Wednesday night. “The least we can do is support our Democratic allies, especially given what we know Putin to do. To watch a report and to think there are people like Marjorie Taylor Greene on the right that are pro-Putin? That are pro-Russia? It is really shocking.”

U.S. Rep. Dan Crenshaw (R-TX), as NCRM reported Thursday, had denounced Greene.

“I guess their reasoning is they want Russia to win so badly that they want to oust the Speaker over it,” he said, referring to the Ukraine aid bill Greene and her cohorts want to tank. “I mean that’s a strange position to take.”

The far-right hardliners are also causing chaos in the House.

“Things just got very heated on the House floor,” NBC News’ Julie Tsirkin reported earlier Thursday. “Group of hardliners were trying to pressure Johnson to only put Israel aid on the floor and hold Ukraine aid until the Senate passed HR2.”

HR2 is the House Republicans’ extremist anti-immigrant legislation that has n o chance of passage in the Senate nor would it be signed into law by President Biden.

“Johnson said he couldn’t do it, and [U.S. Rep. Derrick] Van Orden,” a far-right Republican from Wisconsin “called him ‘tubby’ and vowed to bring on the MTV [Motion to Vacate.]”

“No one in the group (Gaetz, Boebert, Burchett, Higgins, Donalds et al.) were threatening Johnson with an MTV,” Tsirkin added. “Van Orden seemed to escalate things dramatically…”

Despite Greene’s pro-Putin and anti-Ukraine positions, her falsehoods about “Ukrainian Nazis,” and Russians not slaughtering Ukrainian clergy, reporters continue to “swarm”:

Watch the videos above or at this link.

READ MORE: ‘Afraid and Intimidated’: Trump Trial Juror Targeted by Fox News Dismissed

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‘They Want Russia to Win So Badly’: GOP Congressman Blasts Far-Right House Republicans

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10 hours ago

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April 18, 2024

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A sitting Republican Congressman is harshly criticizing far-right House Republicans over their apparent support of Russia.

“I guess their reasoning is they want Russia to win so badly that they want to oust the Speaker over it. I mean that’s a strange position to take,” U.S. Rep. Dan Crenshaw, a three-term Texas Republican rated a hard-core conservative told CNN’s Manu Raju, in video posted Thursday. “I think they want to be in the minority too. I think that’s an obvious reality.”

Congressman Crenshaw was referring to the movement led by U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), now joined by U.S. Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY), over the Republican Speaker of the House Mike Johnson’s decision to finally put legislation on the floor to provide funding to Ukraine to support that sovereign nation in its fight against Russia.

“I’m still trying to process all the b*llsh*t,” Crenshaw added.

Crenshaw on Thursday also commented on Speaker Johnson’s remarks, stating he will hold the Ukraine funding vote regardless of attempts to oust him over it.

“To be clear, he’s being threatened for even allowing a vote to come to the floor. For allowing the constitutional process to play out as intended by our Founders. That’s a wild thing to consider, especially when his enemies consider themselves ‘conservative.’ Not conserving the painstaking constitutional process our Founders created, that’s for sure. Conserving Putin’s gains on the battlefield, more like it.”

Journalist Brian Beutler, a former editor-in-chief at Crooked Media, called it, “darkly funny to me that a pincer movement of MAGAns and leftists mock liberals for claiming the GOP works hand in glove with Russia, and then multiple conservative Republican dissenters are like ‘no it’s true, we’re lousy with Russian influence.'”

Watch Crenshaw’s remarks below or at this link.

READ MORE: Marjorie Taylor Greene, ‘Putin’s Envoy’? Democrat’s Bills Mock Republican’s Actions

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OPINION

Marjorie Taylor Greene, ‘Putin’s Envoy’? Democrat’s Bills Mock Republican’s Actions

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11 hours ago

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April 18, 2024

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For years U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) has been called “Pro-Putin.” As far back as 2021, her first year as a member of Congress, the question had been raised on social media: “Is Marjorie Taylor Greene a Russian asset?”

In 2022 The Annenberg Public Policy Center’s FactCheck.org reported: “Marjorie Taylor Greene Parrots Russian Talking Point on Ukraine.”

Back then, as the article highlighted, Greene had said, “there is no doubt that [Russian President Vladimir] Putin’s actions in Ukraine are despicable and evil.”

Now, she promotes a far more favorable view of President Vladimir Putin and his illegal war against Ukraine, a sovereign nation which the Russian autocrat wants to incorporate – at least partly – into Russia.

Just last week Greene spread demonstrably false pro-Russia talking points about a “war on Christianity” while defending and promoting President Vladimir Putin.

READ MORE: ‘Afraid and Intimidated’: Trump Trial Juror Targeted by Fox News Dismissed

“This is a war on Christianity,” Greene told far-right propagandist Steve Bannon. “The Ukrainian government is attacking Christians, the Ukrainian government is executing priests. Russia is not doing that.”

That’s just plain false, as NCRM reported.

Largely in response to her strong opposition to the U.S. supporting Ukraine, and her spreading Russian disinformation and flat-out pro-Putin falsehoods, Greene’s fondness for Putin and Russia has been making headlines.

“Republicans Who Like Putin,” was the headline last month at The New York Times, which observed: “A few Republicans have gone so far as [to] speak about Ukraine and its president, Volodymyr Zelensky, in ways that mimic Russian propaganda. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has accused Ukraine of having ‘a Nazi army,’ echoing language Putin used to justify the invasion.”

“The Putin Republicans Have the Upper Hand” warned Washington Monthly‘s David Atkins on Wednesday, reporting on “conservative extremists led by Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene.”

“They admire the strongman as a Christian nationalist leader, and won’t support Ukraine. The global consequences of their besotted love affair with the Russian strongman could be cataclysmic.”

“Russia Is Buying Politicians in Europe. Is It Happening Here Too?” The New Republic‘s Alex Finley wrote last week. The photo at the top of the page? Marjorie Taylor Greene.

READ MORE: ‘Used by the Russians’: Moskowitz Mocks Comer’s Biden Impeachment Failure

Finley pointed to Greene’s interview with Bannon, “about Ukraine’s persecution of Christians, which is a Kremlin talking point aimed at boosting the pro-Moscow wing of Ukraine’s Orthodox Church. The U.S. should be spending money on the border with Mexico, not on Ukraine aid? That’s a Kremlin talking point. Russia invaded Ukraine to defend itself against an expanding NATO? That’s a Kremlin talking point. Call for a cease-fire, and give Russia Crimea and eastern Ukraine? That’s a Kremlin talking point.”

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post last week ran this headline: “Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene says she ‘seriously hates’ people who support sending more aid to Ukraine: ‘Most repulsive, disgusting thing happening’.”

Then there is Greene’s obsession with Nazis. Specifically, equating Ukrainians with Nazis, which she did several times over the past week, including on Wednesday. That earned her the condemnation and wrath of U.S. Rep. Jared Moskowitz (D-FL), who demanded: “Stop bringing up Nazis and Hitler.”

Wednesday night, Congressman Moskowitz, known for his use of humor and sarcasm to make his points, declared: “Just submitted an amendment to Bill drafting appointing MTG [Marjorie Taylor Greene] as Putin’s Special Envoy to the United States Congress.”

Moskowitz’s amendment was in response to Congresswoman Greene’s amendments requiring members to “conscript in the Ukrainian military” if they vote for the Ukraine military funding bill, as Juliegrace Brufke reported.

READ MORE: ‘Big Journalism Fail’: Mainstream Media Blasted Over Coverage of Historic Trump Trial

The Florida Democrat wasn’t joking, as Axios’ Andrew Solender pointed out Thursday morning.

Moskowitz did not stop there.

He drafted legislation on Thursday to name the Capitol Hill offices occupied by Congresswoman Greene after the British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, infamous for promoting appeasement in dealing with Adolf Hitler.

Chamberlain also signed the Munich Agreement, which allowed Hitler to annex part of Czechoslovakia.

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