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Out October: My Journey To Lesbianhood: I Came Out Twice

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Editor’s note:

This is the second in our month-long series, “The Out October Project,” designed to “help bring realization into people’s lives that there are others out there,” and that, “there is hope in numbers, there is strength in support.” You can see all the stories here.

Today’s story is by Tanya Domi, a former Army Captain who served for fifteen years and was
honorably discharged in 1990.  During her career, she survived the Ft. Deven’s witchhunt (1974-1975) and later was investigated as a Captain.  She works at Columbia University in New York City and lives with her partner Deborah Kasner and Bailey, her golden retriever.

I grew up in Indianapolis, Indiana, an enclave of intolerance for any difference, but especially so during the 1960s and 1970s.

When one grows up in an oppressive environment, you are either subsumed into that intolerance—collapsed into espousing it actively or by complicity in active silence—or you push back and resist and become an “outlaw,” which I became, although, even as a teen I was respected by many peers for my vocal advocacy of equality for African Americans and women.

It took a long time for me to figure out I was a lesbian. I think my journey began in the fifth grade when I played basketball and softball in an Indianapolis city parks program. I was totally enthralled with my coach—Lynda, who I will never forget—and did everything imaginable to secure her attention and obtain her approval. She was a great basketball player and an even better fast pitch softball player. Here was this strong woman, who was self-possessed and was distinctly identified in the world for her athletic prowess, not through marriage. Her existence opened up my world to other possibilities that were not espoused for women in the 1960s. One of my sweetest memories is sitting next to Lynda on the bench and smelling her, as she wore “Tabu,” one of the popular fragrances of that era.

If I had “grown” out of my crush on Lynda, it would have been dismissed as a phase, but I never grew up or out of it. Looking back, I now know that Lynda was my first crush on a woman.

At the beginning of my sophomore year in college I became aware that I was on the horns of self-discovery—something was different for me—it was clear to me that I was not interested in men. I became aware that Karen, the resident assistant on my floor at Indiana University, was in a very close relationship with a woman. I became envious of their intimacy and finally realized that I really wanted a similar kind of relationship. And yet, I had not become conscious of my sexual feelings for women. A passing caress by one of IU swimmers toward me during a study session so frightened me that I ran out of her room, never discussing it again. I loved the feeling of her touch, but I ran away because of its unfamiliarity and taboo. If I wanted her touch, what would that make me? I could not go there just yet.

By the time I enlisted in the Army in 1974 (an accidental career precipitated by the pending divorce of my parents), I was headed toward a total embrace of lesbianism, although unbeknownst to me.

When I arrived to Ft. McClellan, Alabama, it was nearly midnight. As new privates in the U.S. Army, we were efficiently lined up and issued linens, towels, and promptly sent to bed in the early hours of the morning. I heard the cries of women around me before falling into a short and restless sleep. Suddenly, the bay lights came on for the first full day in basic training as the platoon sergeant shouted “all you sleeping beauties, rise and shine!”

Despite many misgivings about my career choice, I enjoyed the regiment and the rhythm of training. Saturday nights in the laundry room were sessions in shoe shining, ironing and sharing platoon gossip. Finally, one night, Nancy, sitting on the floor next to me as we leaned against the dryer, told me she was a “lesbian” and tilted over to kiss me. I did not resist. I was wowed and thrilled by her boldness. Her kiss and our mutual crush through basic training, culminated in a thrilling and frustrating night of clumsy love making in an Army issued pup tent during our field training exercise before graduation. Those moments changed me forever.

By the time I arrived to Ft. Devens, Massachusetts in March 1974, I was in the early days of loving women—the lovely days of discovering “true love” and of having found oneself. Not knowing or fully appreciating the dangers of the love, we dare not speak of; I went to Boston for the weekend with a group of women, which included my first visit to a gay bar called “The Other Side.” It was a weekend that furthered self-discovery, completely innocent and full of excitement.

Upon our return to base, all of us who went to the gay bar were called into security and read our Miranda rights—the accusation was for being a homosexual, a lesbian. I was so young, and not fully out to myself and not to the world. The investigation began and would not end for 15 months. And yet, while the infamous Ft. Devens witch-hunt continued, unabated in its viciousness, I persisted in my dangerous exploration and fell in love with Karen, my first love. This genuine love affair of the heart prompted a phone call to my mother, who I thought would be supportive and embrace my new self-discovery.

I remember how happy I was—so joyful in really knowing love for the first time. The moment I told my mother I had fallen in love with a woman and I felt I was gay, she responded by telling me: “your life will be so terrible and lonely.” I was shocked by her response—immediately changing the moment to a bittersweet one. Her response would create another wall between us, which would lengthen over the years.

I finished out my enlistment and went back to university to complete my bachelor’s degree and obtained my officer’s commission, while I remained in the Army Reserves.

Because of the Reagan recession, I reentered the Army in 1982 and remained in the closet. Yes, I knew I was gay, but I thought I could make a career in the Army because I was good at it and I loved the life of being a soldier. I did not fully understand how the Army’s enforcement of the gay ban would affect me emotionally. While I remained in the closet hiding, I would establish a successful career as an Army officer that would lead to my nomination to teach at West Point. And yet despite all the success, an investigation into my sexuality, triggered by a report I had made about a colleague who had sexually harassed me, finally woke me up to the belief that I would never have a healthy and happy personal life in the Army. It would only be a matter of time before I was “caught” being a lesbian and my life could be ruined.

I paid an incredibly high price for remaining in the military closet for all those years. Consequently, I never had a healthy, intimate relationship until several years after I left the Army behind, well into my late 30s. As the gay military ban issue began to heat up because of public demands for repeal of the discriminatory policy by returning veterans who served in Desert Storm, I proudly and publicly joined out military colleagues at the Pentagon on Veterans Day in 1991 declaring myself a lesbian, while we engaged in a protest. The pride of being out, being honest and truthful about who I am was a relief and removed a burden that has never returned. Being truthful for the first time in my adult life about being lesbian, created the emotional space for my horizons to expand and put me on a trajectory that has made for a purposive, thrilling at times, engaging and interesting life. I only wish I had come out sooner.

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News

‘Who Exactly Is Running the Government?’: Trump’s War Plans Leak Denial Backfires

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13 hours ago

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March 24, 2025

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President Donald Trump’s claim that he was unaware of a cabinet-level breach of classified information—an incident reportedly involving up to 18 top national security officials discussing sensitive details of a planned military strike—appears to have backfired, raising questions about his knowledge of the actions of his top officials, and, as Commander-in-Chief, his knowledge of U.S. national security and military operations.

The Atlantic’s editor-in-chief, Jeffrey Goldberg, revealed Monday afternoon that he inadvertently had been included in the 18-person group chat on the unclassified messaging app Signal. Experts say those discussions should never have been held over the app, but rather inside a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility, or inside multiple SCIFs.

On Monday afternoon at a press conference, a reporter asked the Commander-in-Chief for his reaction to the story in The Atlantic.

“I don’t know anything about it,” was Trump’s immediate response. His next response was to attack the media outlet.

“I’m not a big fan of The Atlantic, it’s, to me it’s a magazine that’s going out of business,” the President declared. “I think it’s not much of a magazine, but I know nothing about it.”

READ MORE: Alina Habba Immediately Targets Top NJ Democrats After Trump Names Her New US Attorney

He then asked the reporter to explain to him what had been reported in The Atlantic.

“You’re saying that they had what?” “Having to do with what?” he asked twice. “What were they talking about?”

After the reporter gave him more information, Trump, seemingly still not understanding all the details, declared that the leak “couldn’t have been very effective because the attack was very effective, I can tell you that.”

He again denied any knowledge of the leak.

“I don’t know anything about it,” Trump repeated. “You, you’re telling me about it for the first time.”

The White House has acknowledged the leak occurred. Axios called it a “mind-boggling security breach.” The Washington Post reported that “the disclosure raises questions about how the administration has discussed classified issues and whether anyone will be disciplined.”

“As the bombing campaign moved ahead, Hegseth’s [Signal] account shared details that Goldberg said he believed could put at risk the safety of U.S. troops or intelligence officials, especially those deployed in the Middle East,” the Post reported. “Those details, the Atlantic article says, allegedly included the specific weapons to be used and in which sequence the Houthi targets would be hit.”

Military and national security experts are stunned — not only that this massive leak occurred, but that the President was not informed until a reporter asked him about it on Monday.

“If the President is telling the truth and no one’s briefed him about this yet, that’s another story in itself. In any other administration, CoS would have been in the Oval within nanoseconds of learning about something like this, wrote The Atlantic’s Tom Nichols via social media, referring to the White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles. Nichols is a retired U.S. Naval War College professor who is an expert on national security, international affairs, Russia, and nuclear weapons.

“Heads need to roll for this. They have broken laws and endangered the lives of our service members with this idiocy,” commented Army veteran of 22 years, Fred Wellman, a graduate of West Point and the Harvard Kennedy School.

Journalist Wajahat Ali wrote, “What’s worse is that he HAS no idea, allegedly, about the story, which makes it even worse and more terrifying. Like, bro, why don’t you know?”

“One wild thing about Trump,” observed journalist Isaac Saul, “is that he is notoriously insulated from certain information streams by his team. Absolutely believable that he went out to the podium having not been informed of this massive story bc the people who brief him on info were culpable in the leaks.”

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“Here’s some insight,” offered Sophia Kinzinger, a former press secretary for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. “The White House has an entire department, staffed by military professionals, dedicated to facilitating secure communications. They travel with staff, provide devices, and set up SCIFs (Sensitive Compartmented Information Facilities) whenever and wherever needed, operating 24/7. There is absolutely no excuse for mishandling classified information, especially for someone leading the National Security Council at the White House. Their actions clearly demonstrate a lack of qualification for such a critical role. we deserve better!”

U.S. Rep. Veronica Escobar (D-TX) added: “If it’s true that the President of the United States had no idea that his war cabinet and VP were discussing war plans on a Signal chat that included a journalist, that is astounding ignorance and profound incompetence.”

Derek Martin, who conducted supply chain counterintelligence at the National Security Agency (NSA), asked: “If Trump doesn’t know about a major incident involving his VP, Chief of Staff, NatSec Advisor, Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense, Director of National Intelligence, and CIA Director, then who exactly is running the government?”

U.S. Senator Chris Coons (D-DE), according to Deadline, wrote: “Every single one of the government officials on this text chain have now committed a crime – even if accidentally – that would normally involve a jail sentence. We can’t trust anyone in this dangerous administration to keep Americans safe.”

In his report at The Atlantic, Goldberg noted that “coordinating a national-security-related action over Signal, may have violated several provisions of the Espionage Act, which governs the handling of ‘national defense’ information, according to several national-security lawyers interviewed by my colleague Shane Harris for this story.”

Goldberg also explained that he chose to not publish all of the texts, noting that, “if [some] had been read by an adversary of the United States, [they] could conceivably have been used to harm American military and intelligence personnel, particularly in the broader Middle East, Central Command’s area of responsibility. What I will say, in order to illustrate the shocking recklessness of this Signal conversation, is that the Hegseth post contained operational details of forthcoming strikes on Yemen, including information about targets, weapons the U.S. would be deploying, and attack sequencing.”

Watch the video below or at this link.

READ MORE: Trump Claims US ‘Doesn’t Need Anything From Canada’, Yet Still Wants It as a State

 

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Alina Habba Immediately Targets Top NJ Democrats After Trump Names Her New US Attorney

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16 hours ago

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March 24, 2025

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President Donald Trump has named his former personal attorney Alina Habba, who has been serving as White House Counselor, the interim, or acting, United States Attorney for the District of New Jersey. Habba immediately lashed out at the Garden State’s top Democrats.

Trump said the he is also nominating the current acting U.S. Attorney, John Giordano, who has been in that role for a mere three weeks, to a new post: U.S. ambassador to Namibia. Giordano is listed as a member of the White House Historical Association.

Habba, who recently faced backlash for suggesting that veterans dismissed from federal jobs may be “not fit to have a job at this moment,” quickly went on the offensive against U.S. Senator Cory Booker and New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy (video below), claiming they have “failed the state of New Jersey.”

READ MORE: ‘Fake Tough Guy’: JD and Usha Vance Blasted for Greenland Threat and ‘Aggressive’ Visit

Telling reporters that “there is corruption, there is injustice, and there is a heavy amount of crime right in Cory Booker’s backyard and right under Governor Murphy,” Habba vowed, “that will stop.”

“I look forward to working with Pam Bondi and with the Department of Justice and making sure that we further the president’s agenda of putting America first, cleaning up mess, and going after the people that we should be going after, not the people that are falsely accused,” she said, a possible reference to the numerous state and federal charges Trump had faced until winning back the White House.

Politico describes Habba as Trump’s “legal attack dog.” Trump remains a convicted felon after being convicted by a jury in the State of New York on 34 counts of business fraud in what prosecutors said was an effort to influence the 2016 election.

The New York Post’s Manhattan Courts reporter Molly Crane-Newman noted on Monday that “Habba’s behavior during Trump’s defamation trial last year was so far outside the bounds that Judge Kaplan threatened to imprison her.”

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The Guardian’s Hugo Lowell reported that “Habba previously represented Trump in the New York civil cases where he was ordered to pay $450m for inflating his net worth and $83m for defaming E Jean Carroll.”

“In 2023, a federal judge also ordered Trump and Habba to pay $1m in sanctions for filing a frivolous claim against Hillary Clinton and others, calling the lawsuit ‘a hodgepodge of disconnected, often immaterial events, followed by an implausible conclusion,'” Lowell added.

Critics blasted the decision to name Habba.

Talking Points Memo founder and editor Josh Marshall appeared to compare Habba to an underboss in the Mafia, writing: “lol Alina Habba is now the capo of New Jersey.”

Former federal prosecutor Mitchell Epner wrote, “I served as an AUSA in the District of NJ from 2001-04.”

“I’m disgusted by this,” he said, adding: “Caligula’s horse would have been a better choice.”

Watch the video below or at this link.

READ MORE: Trump Claims US ‘Doesn’t Need Anything From Canada’, Yet Still Wants It as a State

 

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‘Fake Tough Guy’: JD and Usha Vance Blasted for Greenland Threat and ‘Aggressive’ Visit

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18 hours ago

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March 24, 2025

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Vice President JD Vance and Second Lady Usha Vance are launching a coordinated campaign targeting Greenland, the semi-autonomous Danish territory that President Donald Trump has repeatedly expressed interest in acquiring for the United States—despite firm resistance from Denmark, Greenland’s residents, and NATO allies such as France.

Over the weekend, the White House announced that the Second Lady will travel to Greenland, the world’s largest island, on Thursday with one of the Vances’ sons.


It could be considered a cultural charm offensive given her published agenda, but also traveling to Greenland are Trump National Security Adviser Michael Waltz and U.S. Secretary of Energy Chris Wright. According to The New York Times, Wright and Waltz are not traveling with the Second Lady, while others, including Sky News, report that Vance “will lead the delegation.”

‘WHAT IS THE SECURITY ADVISER DOING IN GREENLAND?’

Waltz is a former Army Special Forces officer who is seen as a war hawk. A Republican former U.S. Congressman, he was the sponsor of the American Critical Mineral Exploration and Innovation Act of 2020, which highlights the importance of the U.S. becoming independent from China for critical rare earth minerals. Some experts say Trump’s desire to take over Greenland is due to its rare earth minerals.

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Wright is the former CEO of a hydraulic fracturing company who served on the boards of companies related to nuclear technology and mineral and mining rights royalty payments.

Ahead of the visits, the Prime Minister of Greenland is sounding the alarm.

“The Trump administration’s posture is ‘now so serious that the level cannot be raised any higher,’ Prime Minister Múte Egede said in an interview with Greenlandic publication Sermitsiaq Sunday, according to a translation,” Axios reports.

“We are now at a level where it can in no way be characterized as a harmless visit from a politician’s wife,” Egede reportedly also said.

Asking, “what is the security adviser doing in Greenland?”  the Prime Minister said Waltz’s presence is a “demonstration of power.”

The New York Times added that Egede “said on Sunday that Greenlanders’ effort to be diplomatic just ‘bounces off Donald Trump and his administration in their mission to own and control Greenland.'”

The Trump administration’s posture is that this is just a friendly visit.

“The United States has a vested security interest in the Arctic region, and it should not be a surprise the national security adviser and secretary of energy are visiting a U.S. space base to get firsthand briefings from our service members on the ground,” Brian Hughes, the National Security Council spokesman, said in a statement. “We also look forward to experiencing Greenland’s famous hospitality and are confident that this visit presents an opportunity to build on partnerships that respects Greenland’s self-determination and advances economic cooperation. This is a visit to learn about Greenland, its culture, history and people.”

VP VANCE TARGETS GREENLAND

Meanwhile, Vice President Vance has come under fire in the U.S. for remarks he made on Sunday, which were anything but friendly.

“Denmark, which controls Greenland, it’s not doing its job, and it’s not being a good ally,” Vice President Vance told Fox News (video below). “So you have to ask yourself, how are we going to solve that problem, solve our own national security?”

“If that means that we need to take more territorial interest in Greenland, that is what President Trump is going to do, because he doesn’t care about what the Europeans scream at us. He cares about putting the interests of American citizens first.”

CRITICS BLAST VP

Former U.S. Ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul, now a Stanford University professor of political science wrote: “Trump and Vance have never explained what US national security would be advanced by invading Greenland. Not once. We can buy their minerals without invading. We can open new bases without invading. And even buying Greenland would be a giant waste of money. And Denmark is doing its job providing on a per capita basis much more to Ukraine than we are.”

“The US has real security challenges to address. We don’t need to be inventing new ones by threatening to invade an ally,” Ambassador McFaul added.

READ MORE: Trump Claims US ‘Doesn’t Need Anything From Canada’, Yet Still Wants It as a State

Former U.S. Ambassador to Jamaica, Luis Moreno, noted that “Denmark lost 43 soldiers killed and over 200 wounded defending the United States of America in Afghanistan. But they’re ‘not a good ally.’ These people have no shame, no honor. Hope Denmark is taking steps to avoid a ‘Reichstag Fire’ type incident during provocative US VIP visits.”

Journalist, attorney, and former House Oversight Committee counsel Sophia A Nelson, a Republican turned independent, called Vance “a quack,” and added: “Threatening to take the territory of a sovereign nation, just because is sick, demented and dangerous. Also illegal.”

U.S. Rep. Don Bacon, a Republican of Nebraska, chastised the vice president: “Denmark has been a great ally. They’ve served with us in the Middle East. They’ve been key contributors to Ukraine. Greenland is also our ally. We have a great base there and they’re willing to partner more. Let’s be a better ally and not a bully in our own right.”

Journalist John Harwood criticized the Vice President’s remarks, writing: “yes, you and Trump are bold enough to harm our allies and surrender to our enemies congratulations, fake tough guy anti-American freak.”

Healthcare advocate and former Democratic congressional candidate Melanie D’Arrigo said, “Trump wants to take Greenland because Elon wants to control the critical minerals his companies’ products rely on. Cut through the gaslighting and don’t overthink it. $390 million of Musk’s money buys a lot of policy.”

Joerg Lau, international correspondent for the German weekly DIE ZEIT warned: “We are heading for a clash. At some point, someone in Europe will have to stand up to this outrage. The US Vice President is threatening an EU member, a NATO member. We need a collective response to this. Appeasement is not working.”

Former Republican U.S. Congressman Adam Kinzinger added, “In fact, Denmark is one of our best allies, and one of the top donors to Ukraine relative to their size. Shut your stupid mouth @JDVance.”

Author and former FBI agent Joe Navarro warned, “Beware when out of nowhere, a leader says there is a security problem when none exists. Jethro needs to tune it down just a bit, Greenland Is part of a sovereign nation. Nation states are not up for grabs unless you are Mussolini, Hitler, or Putin, or . . .”

Watch the video below or at this link.

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