Our sixth story comes from another religious young man who happens to be bisexual. It is in his friends he finds the acceptance he needs and the courage to face his family, and with most of their support he has found a loving and accepting congregation within the Lutheran Church.
My nickname is Big Red. I am currently twenty years old, pushing twenty-one. I came out later than some in my age group. October 3, 2010 was the one-year anniversary of the day I came out for the first time. However, before I tell you of that day, I will tell you of the events that lead up to my coming out.
I was born and raised in Northwest Indiana, as a member of the Lutheran Church – Missouri Synod: “LCMS.” For those who don’t know, the LCMS denomination is a conservative Lutheran denomination. Even though I was never taught that I would be damned to hell for being queer, it was understood in my house and my church that I wouldn’t necessarily be welcome if I were so. Indeed, when it occurred to me, shortly after puberty hit in fourth grade, that I liked women and men alike (it hadn’t occurred to me at the time that such a thing had a label), I had honestly tried to “pray the gay away,” as they say, all the way through middle and high school.
Then, my first year of college, in 2009, I had attended my old high school’s football homecoming game. It was during half-time, I believe, when I had decided on the spot that I needed to come to terms with myself. So, I told my friend, “Hey, dude, you know The Todd from Scrubs? You remember the episode where Carla and Elliot thought he was gay? Well, I’m like The Todd.”
My friend had essentially responded, “I know. It’s cool, man.”
I then called my best friend that night and told him over the phone that I’m bisexual. And his response? “So, how long have you been struggling with this?”
I already knew I had support from my friends. I decided that, at that point, it would be best to keep it a secret among my friends. Then, roughly three weeks later, my dad had come into town from West Virginia so that my brother could move back with him. So, when my dad and I had some alone time, I decided to tell him. I don’t remember the exact words of his response, but I remember it being very similar to Burt Hummel’s response to his son Kurt’s homosexuality: “I’m not exactly comfortable with it, but I love you just the same.”
Then, of course, since I was still living with my mom and commuting to college, my dad and I thought it was best not to tell her. Well, as it turned out, she had gone through my computer (by her own admission) and had found out that I considered myself to be bisexual. Well, she was handling it decently at the time, but a couple weeks later, she had kicked me out for it. I was out of the house for two weeks because of it. That’s when I decided that I absolutely needed to get a dorm, and my dad had volunteered to sign off on a loan, if he needed to, so that I could get a dorm.
Now, at college, I’m a member of an LGBT-Straight Alliance, and am attending a congregation of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, which is a gay-friendly denomination. To those who are reading this story: when you decide to come out, not everybody has to know all at once. It’s alright to be selective in whom you tell. Believe me, when you have friends accept you, it relieves some of the tension away from being in the closet. But again, not the whole world needs to know all at once. It’s your story to tell; tell it when you want.
Remember, there are always options.
The Trevor Project: a 24-hour hotline for gay and questioning youth: 866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)