Matthew Shepard Died 13 Years Ago Today. Never Stop Fighting For Equality.

Editor’s note: The death of Matthew Shepard had a profound effect on America. Thirteen years later, so much more remains in our fight to reach full equality and to stem the hate that caused Matthew’s death. Well-known freelance writer Kevin A. Barry shares his story.

 

I’ll never forget the day Matthew Shepard died. I was living in small town Pennsylvania and only out of the closet three days when it happened. In those three days, my girlfriend and I broke up, my best friend since second grade stopped talking with me and I cried myself to sleep every night thinking that God hated me. I was a devout Catholic who knew he was going to Hell. Not because of what Leviticus said but rather what Our Lady of Fatima said, “More souls go to Hell because of the sins of the flesh than for any other reason.” I was terrified.

When I saw the news that a boy close to my age was brutally attacked and left for dead like a scarecrow in Laramie, Wyoming, I was in a very dark place at one of the lowest points in my life. In the two weeks that followed, I told my parents that I was bisexual and slowly began to tell my friends the same. I was in denial about being gay. While most were supportive, I remember vividly that one of them slapped me in the face… hard. She explained that the slap wasn’t for lying to her or to myself but rather for thinking that she would treat me differently. She wondered how I could think so little of her. The next week, I went on to become Class President at my small Catholic college – a post I held all four years.

Matthew Shepard’s death hit home to me in a very intimate way because only four years prior, a 16 year-old with whom I shared many friends was beaten to death on the steps of a nearby church in Philadelphia. His name was Eddie Polec. While I didn’t know Polec, the whole neighborhood was impacted by the brutality of his death and although Polec was not gay, his death seemed just as brutal as Shepard’s. Given how many common friends I had with Polec, it really hit home when I heard about Shepard’s death. I remember thinking “that could have been me” and for the next three years of my collegiate life, every time I would pass the wooden fence on the road that led in/out of campus, I was reminded of how lucky I am that it wasn’t.

Shepard’s death not only helped me realize the need for equality but it also helped me realize that there is a big difference between equality and tolerance. In many ways, he was a martyr for my generation. His death ignited a fire in me that never went out. Because of him I had the courage to pledge sorority at my college when I found out that fraternities were banned from campus to make a point that men deserve equality too. I gave up my Catholic faith when I found out that the local seminary would not allow gay men to study there even if they were celibate. I also became heavily involved with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and worked with them for five years to help increase the level of student activism in the state of Pennsylvania.

I share this personal story with you because every year this anniversary reminds me of the importance of fighting for equal rights and asking our straight allies to do the same. There are more people out there who support us than we realize. Hudson Taylor, Lady Gaga, Ben Cohen, not to mention all those people in the “New Yorkers for Marriage Equality” and “It Gets Better” campaigns are all great examples of this. However, one straight ally that bears mention today is Judy Shepard.

Judy Shepard, Matthew’s mother, took her pain and used it to become a crusader for equality. Due to her courage and dedication to the cause, the 1969 federal hate-crime law was extended to include crimes motivated by a victim’s actual or perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability. Through my involvement with HRC, I had the pleasure of meeting Judy Shepard at a training in Washington, D.C. Soft spoken and eloquent, she is the embodiment of what St. Francis de Sales meant when he said, “There is nothing so strong as gentleness and nothing so gentle as real strength.”

Today is the 13th anniversary of Matthew Shepard’s death. I urge you to share your coming out stories with your friends and straight allies, teach them about the antiquated laws, bear witness on your Facebook and Twitter statuses, and above all hold faith in the fact that full equality will be realized someday. It won’t happen overnight but it will happen and when it does it will be due to the hard work of those, like Judy Shepard, who continue to fight. To her and all our straight allies in the fight for equality, I want to extend my sincerest gratitude and ask that you never give up and never stop fighting. I know I won’t.

 

Kevin A. Barry is a freelance writer who has written for such publications as Out magazine and Philadelphia Gay News, among others. He currently sits on the board of directors for the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association. You can follow him on Twitter @kevinabarry.