Editor’s note: This guest post by actor and musician David W. Ross (photo, below) (Quinceañera/Bad Boys Inc) explores the path that led him to want to create the film, “I Do.” But without your help, the film won’t get made. The plight of so many same-sex binational couples lies in the hands of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act. And until that unjust law is repealed, love, and marriage, for thousands, will disappear.
I hope you’ll take a moment to look in your heart, and pledge to support this film. It’s an important project, worthy of a little sacrifice from all of us. Visit Kickstarter.com to learn more, or to make a pledge. There are just a few days left. Please, share this with your friends!
The script for I DO started out as a broad comedy. What a funny situation! British gay man marries American girl for his green card. Madness ensues! Hilarious, right? Yeah. Not so much. I mean, granted, there’s comedy gold in people mistaking them for a real couple. The awkward kiss at the alter. The clueless boss finally figuring it out. The cat and mouse with the INS. But I’d been working on the script for 5 years and knew I was in trouble. The script wasn’t working. I didn’t even want to see this movie! So I put it away.
The “British Gay Man,†in the script is Jack Edwards; fashion photographer. I had dropped a few thousand on a camera and lenses as I wanted to really get inside a photographers head. Sure I had assisted people since the age of 17, worked in the New York fashion world (didn’t like Devil Wears Prada, loved September Issue) and had rubbed shoulders with so many super models I had lost count, but I really wanted to understand what it’s like to always have a piece of glass between you and everyone else.
It was a balmy night. The California Supreme Court had just banned same-sex marriage and I was asked to document the rally in West Hollywood. I walked through the crowd to the main stage snapping a few pics. Men holding hands with NOH8 t-shirts. Women hugging each other wrapped in American flags. Families, kids, holding banners: “Please don’t divorce my mums.†I jumped up on the main stage and did my job. But something shifted for me that night. This marriage thing was real, for so many people. Families even. The lens finally dropped away and I knew what I DO had to be.
Marriage means different things for different people. For some it is a big poofy white dress, fluffy cake celebration of a love showing it’s commitment in front of friends and family; for some a religious institution, a vow to God but, whatever your beliefs, if you choose to enter into marriage in the US the law affords you certain protections and rights concerning immigration, hospital visitization, estate taxes, social security benefits etc etc etc. Though gay marriage has been fought for and in some States is now entirely lawful, those legal benefits are not afforded to gay married committed couples at a Federal level. Now, I’m not arguing with churches, private institutions who have their own rights, I’m saying how is it fair to throw a bone in the form of legal State marriage and choose to ignore our human rights that go along with that institution affecting not only the couple but any children involved?
I DO is about one of those rights. Immigration. If you, as an American citizen, were to fall in love with someone from another country and you were straight you could marry and sponsor your spouse’s green card. If you’re gay, there is no legal way for you to keep your spouse in the country. Further more, if you are a same-sex couple and had gotten married and the INS found out, your spouse would be deported instantly as marrying a US citizen is seen as an act of wanting to reside here.
I had fallen in love with a British guy. I know, move across the world and fall in love with someone from the same country as you. He was over here on a student visa, learning to fly Jumbo jets. Sounds sexier than it is. In his words, “It’s like being a bus driver in the sky.†He always had a way of normalizing things. I liked that. He wanted to work for a company that sold private jets. Much sexier. But the company only had a position in the UK. I was in a place with my career where I didn’t want to move back to London. (Truth be told I’m an ex-pop star petrified of returning to an island that might see me as a has-been). I began to realize that maybe I was more like Jack after all. But my lens wasn’t made of glass.
I broke it off. My man moved back to London. Sounds simple. It wasn’t. He was the first guy I had ever met that I wanted to marry. Like, really marry. Like, big-poofy-white-dress-fluffy-cake-celebration-of-a-love-showing-our-commitment-in-front-of-friends-and-family married.
For a few years we saw each other whenever I flew over to the UK. I wanted to do a long distance thing. He knew that it would drive us crazy. Either way it drove me crazy. I was devastated. My friends tried to get me to date. They couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just “hang out†with people. What they failed to realize is that I finally knew what it felt like to be in love.
In the movie, after years of casual relationships Brit in New York Jack falls deeply for handsome Spanish American, Mano Cunio. Jack’s determined to stay in the USA as he’s become like a father to his niece Tara and the sole provider for her mother Mya after Jack’s brother is killed in a road accident. In order to stay in the country it’s not enough to marry Mano as Federal law won’t recognize a State level gay marriage. Jack has a choice: move to Spain with Mano, the love of his life and lose the only family he has for his new one or lose Mano and stay in New York. An impossible choice. Unless…he creates a phoney straight marriage with his best friend Ali to gain citizenship. Saying I Do is not so simple…
So many same-sex bi-national couples go through incredible heartache and pain. Being separated from each other, not just sometimes by prison glass, but sometimes separated by thousands of miles, or months at a time because of paperwork issues, or because they are unable to afford the numerous flights it takes to keep a long distant relationship going. Many resort to selling their possessions to pay for lawyers, or trips abroad to renew visas, or just to see each other without the fear that any knock on the door could be an immigration officer ready to deport them. Over 40% of these families have children. Adding to their stress, financially and otherwise.
I’m not as brave as the 30,000 plus bi-national same-sex couples who are staying together whatever the cost. I know now I should have followed my heart moved to London, true love is not the kind of thing you should turn down.
At least in the movies there can be happy endings….
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