Connect with us

I Am The Leader Of The Republican Party, And So Can You!

Published

on

               


                

The Colbert ReportMon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:217823

 

 

There seems to be a huge identity crisis over at the GOP. It’s not really clear who anyone is!

Take Rush Limbaugh. (Please!) Rush Limbaugh is a conservative political commentator. He is a radio talk show host. He is not, contrary to what Keith Olbermann says, a comedian. How do we know? Because Rush Limbaugh said so: “Here I am. Who — who am I? I am a radio talk show host. I am a kid from Missouri who wanted to be on the radio.”

Yet, lots of folks think Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the Republican Party! 

Take Michael Steele. Michael Steele is the chairman of the Republican National Committee. (You’ll have to take my word for it. The GOP’s web site is a little out of date.) 

Saturday, talking to D.L. Hughley, Michael Steele said he thinks Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. (Some may find Limbaugh entertaining, but he is not an entertainer.) Well, then today, Michael Steele took it back!

Meanwhile, Rush said:

“I’m not in charge of the Republican Party, and I don’t want to be. I would be embarrassed to say that I’m in charge of the Republican Party in the sad-sack state that it’s in. If I were chairman of the Republican Party, given the state that it’s in, I would quit. I might get out the hari-kari knife because I would have presided over a failure that is embarrassing to the Republicans and conservatives who have supported it and invested in it all these years.”

Excellent!

It’s not really clear who anyone is! After all, wasn’t Sarah Palin in charge just a few months ago? And up until his response to Obama’s address last Tuesday, some thought Bobby Jundal was in charge. (BTW, over the weekend they voted to have Mitt Romney – you remember Mitt? – be the frontrunner in 2012. Sarah Palin tied for fourth place. That’s change I can believe in.)

What is especially clear is that no one knows who the leader of the Republican Party is. (Lots of folks think it should still be John McCain.) (No one thinks it should be George W. Bush.)

Now, what better time to start a coup than when there’s mass confusion! After all, no one in the GOP knows who’s in charge, what they want, what they stand for. The timing is perfect!

Just look at Michael Steele. (Remember, he’s the chairman of  the Republican Party, the GOP.) Just days after taking office Steele said his party must do a better job of courting candidates and voters who support gay marriage and are pro-choice. 

Them just three weeks later, Steele, when asked about civil unions for gays, said,

No, no no. What would we do that for? What are you, crazy? No. Why would we backslide on a core, founding value of this country? I mean this isn’t something that you just kind of like, “Oh well, today I feel, you know, loosey-goosey on marriage.”

See? Confusion! Even the supposed head of the party doesn’t know where it stands! 

And Steele, in a desperate attempt to remind people who’s in charge, had this little chat with CNN’s D.L. Hughley Saturday:

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/9KL46KE51BY&hl=en&fs=1

I’m telling you, now is the time to grab the reins and become the leader of the GOP. Everyone’s doing it! (I’m still laughing at that Michael “I’m the leader of the Republican Party” Steele!) 

Now look at Rush. He’s really throwing us for a loop. Why, just Saturday, he gave the “keynote address” at CPAC – The Conservative Political Action Convention. Let’s take a listen. (And, just ignore that stuff about Rush comparing himself to God.)

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/CGBTJNkdkws&hl=en&fs=1

Pretty cool, huh? Rush isn’t the leader of the Republican Party. He’s God! We know ’cause he said so. And that means that the leadership IS up for grabs. I’m telling you, I’m gong for it.

Now, I know what you’re saying. “David, you’re a Democrat. You’re a Progressive. You’re a Liberal. You’re gay.” Well, that’s what’s really great! Because, according to Rush, none of that matters anymore! The GOP is embracing me! Listen to God, um, I mean Rush, some more:

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/A5iOnLQH1ao&hl=en&fs=1

Here’s more of Rush!

“Let me tell you who we conservatives are:  We love people. [Applause] When we look out over the United States of America, when we are anywhere, when we see a group of people, such as this or anywhere, we see Americans. We see human beings. We don’t see groups. We don’t see victims. We don’t see people we want to exploit. What we see — what we see is potential. We do not look out across the country and see the average American, the person that makes this country work. We do not see that person with contempt. We don’t think that person doesn’t have what it takes. We believe that person can be the best he or she wants to be if certain things are just removed from their path like onerous taxes, regulations and too much government.”

That cinches it right there! The Republicans aren’t going to exploit gays! We’re human beings! We’re not a group, we’re potential! As a matter of fact, even gays would be better if there were less taxes! (Maybe if there were less taxes, gays could get married!)

Here are some more quotes from Rush’s speech:

“We recognize that we are all individuals.” (And gays are really individuals – who, I guess can get married!)

“We don’t want to tell anybody how to live.” (So, if you’re gay, that’s now OK!)

“We love the people of this country.” (Including gays!)

See how great this is? Now, this for me is the statement that is making me switch parties and grab the leadership:

“We don’t hate anybody. We don’t — I mean, the racism in this country, if you ask me, I know many people in this audience — let me deal with this head on. You know what the cliche is, a conservative: racist, sexist, bigot, homophobe. Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen of America, if you were paying attention, I know you were, the racism in our culture was exclusively and fully on display in the Democrat primary last year.”

Perfect! They don’t hate anyone. Conservatives aren’t homophobes or bigots. So, I guess then gays can get married! After all, Conservatives don’t want to tell us how to live. As a matter of fact, at the very end of his speech, God, whoops, I mean Rush, says, 

“Don’t measure your success by how many people like you. Just worry about how they vote. And then at the end of the day how they live, but that’s really none of your business once they close the doors.”

And there you have it folks. It’s no body’s business what happens behind closed doors. Rush said so.

Before he gets back from telling another ‘Larry King dies’ joke, I’m going to step up, grab the reins, and become the leader of the Republican Party. Why not? Everyone’s doing it!

I’m the leader of the Republican Party, and so can you.

Continue Reading
Click to comment
 
 

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. The New Civil Rights Movement depends on readers like you to meet our ongoing expenses and continue producing quality progressive journalism. Three Silicon Valley giants consume 70 percent of all online advertising dollars, so we need your help to continue doing what we do.

NCRM is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. From unflinching coverage of religious extremism, to spotlighting efforts to roll back our rights, NCRM continues to speak truth to power. America needs independent voices like NCRM to be sure no one is forgotten.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure NCRM remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to NCRM, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

BREAKING NEWS

Trump Indictment Is a Massive 34 Counts: CNN

Published

on

When he appears in New York next week, Donald Trump will face a 34-count indictment.

CNN’s John Miller on-air Thursday evening announced, “I am told by my sources that this is 34 counts of falsification of business records, which is probably a lot of charges involving each document, each thing that was submitted, as a separate count.”

Attorney Tristan Snell, who assisted in the successful prosecution of the Trump University case for the New York Attorney General’s Office, responded via Twitter:

“This is WAY more than expected. If this is correct, it could mean that the indictment covers FAR more than the Stormy Daniels hush money — like Karen McDougal hush money or other hush money/catch-and-kill cases.”

READ MORE: Manhattan District Attorney’s Office Says It Is Coordinating With Trump to ‘Surrender’

“My hunch for a while,” Snell adds, “given [David] Pecker’s involvement and the drawn-out timetable of the indictment, plus the TWENTY interviews of Michael Cohen with the DA, showed that something far larger than Stormy might be in the works.”

“May still be wrong, of course. But 34 counts is a LOT!”

Continue Reading

News

Manhattan District Attorney’s Office Says It Is Coordinating With Trump to ‘Surrender’

Published

on

Donald Trump’s attorneys were notified Thursday afternoon a Manhattan grand jury had voted to indict him on felony charges related to his alleged hush money payoff of a porn star he reported slept with.

The ex-president’ attorney recently said if indicted Trump would travel to New York to turn himself in.

The Office of Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg has just issued a strongly-worded statement saying it is “coordinating” with Trump’s attorneys for his “surrender.”

“This evening we contacted Mr. Trump’s attorney to coordinate his surrender to the Manhattan D.A.’s Office for arraignment on a Supreme Court indictment, which remains under seal. Guidance will be provided when the arraignment date is selected,” the statement reads.

READ MORE: ‘You Can’t Stand on Fifth Avenue and Just Shoot Somebody’: Donald Trump Indicted – Legal Experts Respond

The Daily Beast’s Jose Pagliery posted the statement to Twitter.

NBC News explains the process, noting he is expected to be arraigned next week.

“After the indictment, Trump will be arrested and taken into custody. He will likely have a mug shot and fingerprints taken,” NBC reports. “Trump will then appear in court to be arraigned, where he will hear charges and enter a plea. Two sources familiar with the situation told NBC News that the former president is likely to be arraigned next week. Trump will either be jailed or released while pre-trial hearings take place.”

Continue Reading

'INDICTED FOR HIS BEHAVIOR'

‘You Can’t Stand on Fifth Avenue and Just Shoot Somebody’: Donald Trump Indicted – Legal Experts Respond

Published

on

Just past 5:00 PM ET The New York Times broke the news that Donald Trump, the ex-president, had been indicted by a Manhattan grand jury on felony charges.

It is a historic moment.

Legal experts are weighing in to help guide Americans through an event that has never before happened in this country.

Former Watergate prosecutor Nick Ackerman says the fact that this is the first time in U.S. history a president is facing criminal charges is itself a problem.

“I think it would have not been a novel event,” Ackerman said on MSNBC, “if we had done this 49 years ago with Richard Nixon, and he had not been pardoned, this will not be a big event [that] it is today.”

READ MORE: New Poll Sends Trump Damning Message About 2024 if He’s Criminally Indicted

“Everybody should be held accountable,” Ackerman added, citing former Trump attorney Michael Cohen’s earlier remarks. Cohen testified repeatedly before the Manhattan grand jury that indicted Trump late Thursday afternoon after a three-hour session.

Ackerman lamented that despite over 30 people being indicted during Watergate, “Richard Nixon was pardoned, he wasn’t held accountable.”

“I think this is very important,” Ackerman continued, “establishing a principle, a line in the sand, that even if you’re the President of the United States, and you commit a crime, you can’t stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and just shoot somebody.”

Ackerman was referring to Trump’s infamous comments during the 2016 election, when he bragged he could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”

Attorney and civil rights activist Maya Wiley, also on MSNBC, said, “It’s important and sobering that we had somebody who had the highest office of this country who has now ben indicted for his behavior, his acts, in order to win that office, but also faces what are more shoes that will drop, I believe.”

“It is a sobering moment for this country, that we are witnessing this happened to somebody who was entrusted with such power who has now had a jury of his peers, because that is what a grand jury also is, say we believe he had to face the music.”

READ MORE: Here’s How Five Republicans in Congress Are Responding to the Mass Shooting of 3 Children and 3 Adults in Nashville (Video)

Former U.S. Attorney Joyce Vance, now a professor of law, called this a “moment where we would do well to seriously assess who we are as Americans and who we are not as Americans, because we re all so familiar with Donald Trump’s tactics.”

Watch the video above or at this link.

Continue Reading

Trending

Copyright © 2020 AlterNet Media.