David and Jason met in 2007, were legally married in New York in 2012, and have been forced apart by DOMA 17 times in the six years they have been together. If you’ve ever been in a long-distance relationship, you know all too well the feeling of letting someone go, knowing you may not see them for weeks or months. It’s devastating.
When the government is the cause of the separation, it’s unconscionable. And when that separation is because of DOMA, not knowing when or if you’ll ever see your spouse again is an inconceivable punishment.
DOMA is the Defense of Marriage Act of 1996 that bans the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages. If DOMA did not exist, the thousands of stories like Jason’s and David’s wouldn’t either.
In a heartbreaking video, and story at the DOMA Project, David explains how they met:
On May 12, 2007, I sat in a restaurant in West Hollywood swearing off men forever after a string of bad relationships. That was until my future husband walked in.
My friend James noticed my distraction, took the lonely stranger’s plate and sat him at our table, directly opposite me. For 2 hours we ate, drank and laughed. In one meal, I had gone from having lost all interest in dating to hitting it off with a guy who I may as well have designed myself.
Jason was visiting Los Angeles at the end of a 6-week trip across North America. I spent 3 days showing him the city, before he was due to flew out to New Zealand to continue his travels. Our whirlwind few days were up and it was time for our first airport goodbye. We both felt a weird difficulty that you just don’t get after hanging out with a stranger for 3 days. We knew it was something special.
For the rest of Jason’s travels, for the rest of that year, and for the 6 years since, we have spoken every day. As I arrive at my office in LA Jason gets home from work in the UK. We get online and chat right through the day until he has to go to sleep. Sadly, this long distance communication is avoidable and our separation is down to the divisive and immoral Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).
And the torture David and his husband Jason endure:
Jason has been warned for 2 years that he has visited the US too often using tourist visa waivers. It’s currently recommended that he wait 6 months before returning, or he may be denied entry as a visitor.
What most people don’t realize is that when Jason has landed, whether or not he is allowed out of LAX airport is at the discretion of the Customs and Border Protection officer. The past 2 years he has been taken aside to a small interview room, interrogated and had his luggage searched by officers suspecting he is lying about his reasons for visiting. They scoff at any explanation of the years of difficulties he’s had obtaining a visa, replying “it’s not that hardâ€.
This is why the days leading up to his return are always filled with dread. In the run up to his visit, friends and family say, “…you must be so excited! I bet you can’t wait to see him!†which is true. But behind those conversations, all I can think about is the terrifying hour (or 2, or 3) after his plane lands and whether or not he’ll make it past customs and out of the airport.
And then, an update, with even more bad news:
David and Jason learned days before their 6th year anniversary that Jason’s H-1B work visa petition had been rejected. David and Jason once again spent their anniversary apart, with no way of knowing when they will see each other again.
It’s time to repeal DOMA.
Republicans are refusing to include LGBT couples in immigration reform.
How immeasurably cruel.
Watch, cry, act: