At last night’s Tony Awards, there were no gay husbands. Not even in “La Cage aux Folles,” which features a same-sex couple and won three Tonys. It’s the end of the first decade of the twenty-first century, and the best of the best, our Tony-award winning actors, actresses, directors, producers, etc., in same-sex relationships are unable to say “thank you” to their husbands or wives — because they, too, can’t get married.
Every straight, married award-winner thanked their husband or wife. Some, like Catherine Zeta-Jones, rather profusely. “See that man there?” — pointing to Michael Douglas — “He’s a movie star and I get to sleep with him every night!” But John Logan (who won “Best Play” for “Red”) for instance, shared only his lovely, yet reserved, “…to my partner for nurturing every dream I’ve ever had.” Meanwhile, Logan’s co-winner, Arielle Tepper Madover, proudly blurted out, “I love you, my beautiful husband and children.” I’m glad she was able to.
Broadway is stereotypically one of the most gay-friendly communities around. But this isn’t about stars not being able to say “husband” or “wife” instead of “partner” or “companion,” because of the industry. It’s because, in these United States, there are still so few places same-sex couples can actually get married. And even then, our federal government doesn’t recognize gay marriages.
Exactly one year ago America was in what we now know was the temporary tail-end of our thrall with same-sex marriage. Iowa, Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont had joined Massachusetts and Connecticut in embracing legal recognition of same-sex unions.
Here it is, one year later. Maine voters overturned their legislature’s marriage equality law. And marriage equality activists around the country, perhaps too tired of fighting what seems to be a losing battle, have turned their attention from the fight for marriage to the fight for equality for those who fight for us.
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” repeal, though endangered, is still a possibility in some form, at some future date.
ENDA is quietly in the wings as well.
But there’s little to no talk of marriage equality in America anymore. And that’s unacceptable.
Recently, across the globe we’ve seen entire countries, like Portugal and Iceland grant same-sex marriage. Nepal is on its way. Last year, it was Sweden, and the year before that, Norway, which joined the Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, and South Africa, all of which have legalized gay marriage this century.
But America is living in the decades that have already passed, and the Tea Party-NOM-Right Wing-Rush Limbaugh-Glenn Beck-Sean Hannity-loving movement that has been growing has taken hold of some of America’s movable middle.
Rush Limbaugh is the perfect example of this. Yesterday, in his New York Times column titled, “Two Weddings, a Divorce and ‘Glee’,” Frank Rich wrote,
Why would America’s right-wing radio king hire an openly gay entertainer to star at his wedding? And why would one of the world’s foremost AIDS activists sing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight†for a gay-baiting provocateur who has trivialized AIDS and speculated that same-sex marriage could lead people to marry dogs? Sir Elton’s fee was reported to be a cool $1 million. Which goes to show that pop music and cash have the power to make even stranger bedfellows than politics.
So, America still feels it’s OK to have gays sing at your wedding, but not let them have a wedding of their own.
Recently-engaged Katie Finneran, winner of “Best Featured Actress in a Musical,” for “Promises, Promises,” last night said, “With the world being so fast, I want to remind you to focus on what you love. It is the greatest passport, it is the greatest roadmap to an extraordinarily blissful life. Just focus on that one thing, don’t listen to anybody else, and you will run into the right people, the right teachers, the right moments and circumstances, and one day you will meet … a person …Â that will share that love with you.”
Last night, I told my own partner, who has future Tony visions of his own, that he had better thank — and kiss — his husband when he wins his first Tony. I know one day he’ll be onstage, making his acceptance speech. I can only hope by that day, he’ll have a Tony in his right hand, and a wedding band on his left.