‘So. Tell Me. Are You Transgender?’ — After DADT: Transgender Life In The US Military

 Charlotte, a transwoman, is outed as a transgender soldier to her chain-of-command, but for the moment survives because a senior non-commissioned officer ignores the antiquated medical regulation that excludes transgender persons from serving

Virtually every lesbian and gay service member remembers the terror of being discovered. Many had the experience of thinking they may have been outed, and sweating through days, weeks, or months dreading that moment when the hammer might fall. During those months many experienced all the physiological side effects of prolonged and extreme stress. A few even had those fears realized when they got called into the office of their superiors and asked the question that meant the end of everything they had fought to achieve in their career.

“Close the door.”

“Have a seat.”

“So. Tell me. Are you gay?”

For those who have had that experience, you remember the blood rushing in your ears, the panic, time grinding to a halt and your field of vision narrowing as your blood pressure spikes with adrenaline.  Pure fight or flight, and yet, there you stood or sat, motionless and fighting every instinct written into your biology.

This is where Charlotte was several weeks ago, with one small change.

“Close the door.”

“Have a seat.”

“So. Tell me. Are you transgender?”

Charlotte, a transwoman

Charlotte was born male. Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS) says she is male.  She is listed as male on all her documentation. However, she has self identified as female for much longer than she has been in the system.

Charlotte is an enlisted soldier who has established herself as one of the most solid and reliable people in her company. “I have never gotten any counseling, or adverse marks against me, much less legal. I’m well known for being a self-sufficient, reliable worker. When I get one of my rare a days off, I usually come back to find it seems like my unit is incapable of functioning without me. I’m not the stereotypical Army stud though; I don’t have a 300 PT or qualify as expert shot, but I always meet and exceed the Army standards in these areas. My evals are always well above average and I am on track to get my E5 sooner than most people.”

This maturity and reliability hasn’t gone unnoticed. Her chain of command had been urging her to put in a “Green-to-Gold” package, and she had been working on it up until that moment of hell came.

Being transgender hadn’t stopped Charlotte from making strong and meaningful connections with others in her unit. In fact, it was this bond that ultimately was her undoing.

Charlotte’s best friend in the unit got married after they were already close. However, meeting this woman allowed Charlotte’s friend to make some astute guesses. “His wife has trans friends, so he quickly put together that I might be trans. He actually approached me about it one day while we were in the field. I was honest, and he was fairly accepting on face value. I actually think he may be entirely accepting as a whole.”

Unfortunately, marital issues led Charlotte’s friend to start drinking heavily, and that’s when it all started to unravel. “He compensates by drinking with some pretty stupid dudes these days. He told one of them about me during a Saturday drinking binge. He may have told them because he felt the only way he could take some of the heat off of himself for some of his work performance issues was by outing me. The person he told then told my First Sergeant. I had no idea what was coming for me Monday morning.”

First thing that morning, the First Sergeant found Charlotte, and set events of that day in motion.

“Hey, you, come see me in my office.”

Charlotte felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. It always did when she got this kind of request. She was invited into his office almost every day since she handles most of the company’s paperwork. “Whenever I was called into the First Sergeant’s office, it always made me nervous, because there was always that 2 percent chance it could be about me being trans. It’s the first thought that goes through my head anytime I go in his office and I don’t have an inkling as to why I’m there.”

“Close the door.”

“Have a seat.”

“My heart about stops when he tells me to close the door and take a seat. I knew this was bad.”

“So. Tell me. Are you transgender?”

“Shitshitshitshit. I’m about to get chaptered. He’s going to pull out one of the green legal packets I see on a daily basis and I’m going to get counseled that they’re recommending chapter.”

“Yes, First Sergeant.”

“You planning on doing anything to your junk?”

“No, First Sergeant.”

“You going to keep your hair in regs and show up in the right uniform?”

“Yes, First Sergeant.”

“Good. I don’t give a damn about this trans business as long as you hold to dude standards at work and aren’t getting surgery on your junk. Now, when are you going to have that Green-to-Gold packet done?”

“Before the end of the month. How did you know, though?”

“Someone outed you to someone, and he came to me about it. That’s all you need to know. I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to hear anything about this kind of stuff if the soldier doesn’t want people knowing about it. Anyone that goes against this will be considered to be disobeying an order. I’ve got no problem with you. Now run to legal and pick up SGT So-and-So’s packet.”

“Yes First Sergeant,” she replied, and left.

And that was it.

Since then, “I haven’t gotten any hazing, harassment, or anything else. A major part of this is that I keep my hair fairly tight. I’ve yet to experience any negative backlash.”

“A big part of why is because there are only few that know. My First Sergeant also made it clear that same day to the platoon sergeants that outing soldiers that don’t want to be outed is not kosher with him. People that do it will be considered violating orders from a senior NCO. That pretty much put a stop to the rumor mill on not only me, but also a number of other soldiers often accused of queerness.”

I asked Charlotte how things have been with the First Sergeant since, and what she took away from the experience. “There have been other conversations in passing since then. I’ve explained a little more about transgender issues and transitioning in the civilian world.  However, the bigger picture is that even (military) people who know nothing of transgender issues are able to handle the idea of trans soldiers as long as those soldiers can do their jobs well.”

It took 20 years under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” to recognize this as truth for LGB people in military. We can only hope that it doesn’t take nearly as long for them to realize the same is true for the service members who are transgender.

Editor’s note: The New Civil Rights Movement is publishing a week-long series of articles about transgender people who are serving or have served in the United States military despite the present ban. All week we will be sharing the stories of real people’s lives in a considerable effort to expose the unnecessary barriers that obstruct transgender open service in military, and show why the transgender medical exclusion is antiquated and must be removed. You can read all the articles as they are published here.

 

Brynn Tannehill is originally from Phoenix, Ariz. She graduated from the Naval Academy with a B.S. in computer science in 1997. She earned her Naval Aviator wings in 1999 and flew SH-60B helicopters and P-3C maritime patrol aircraft during three deployments between 2000 and 2004. She served as a campaign analyst while deployed overseas to 5th Fleet Headquarters in Bahrain from 2005 to 2006. In 2008 Brynn earned a M.S. in Operations Research from the Air Force Institute of Technology and transferred from active duty to the Naval Reserves. In 2008 Brynn began working as a senior defense research scientist in private industry. She left the drilling reserves and began transition in 2010. Since then she has written for OutServe magazine, The Huffington Post, and Queer Mental Health as a blogger and featured columnist. Currently, she is on the board at SPART*A. Brynn and her partner currently live in Xenia, Ohio, with their three children.