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On Our Radar – Family Planning Greets Catholic Abortion Protesters With Frisky Gay Balloons

by Jean Ann Esselink on November 11, 2012

in Farce,Jean Ann Esselink,News,Religion,War on Women

Post image for On Our Radar – Family Planning Greets Catholic Abortion Protesters With Frisky Gay Balloons

Management gathered the employees of the Wausau Family Planning Clinic together to advise them Catholic protesters were coming to hold an “Adoration of the Eucharist” in front of the clinic. A voice in the rear, one of the new staffers, was heard to whisper, “What’s an Adoration of the Uterus?” Today Clinic Director Lon Newman and his big, red, dancing gay balloons are On Our Radar. 

Everyone loves a good morality play. Well, maybe not, but you are going to love this one. There is pomp and pageantry – heavy on the pomp. There are elaborate costumes; capes and sashes and flowing robes, ceremonial swords and funny hats with plumes. There are unique stage props, like a silver chalice of wine said to have been turned to blood, and a solid golden monstrance, home away from home whenever the holy host travels. The monstrance is protected at all times by an ornate canopy, carried along the parade route on four spear-tipped golden poles. There is incense in a high volume dispenser, artfully handled by a backward walking dedicated incense waver, making the production a treat for the olfactory as well as the visual. And, thanks to the irreverent sense of humor of Lon Newman, Executive Director of Wausau’s Family Planning Health Services, (FPHS), there were big, red, frisky, gay balloons.

ACT ONE: The curtain rises on a group of kneeling supplicants lining both sides of the walkway to the Wausau, Wisconsin Family Planning Clinic. The mostly elderly men and women, and a few of what I assume to be their conscripted grandchildren, mumble prayers as a nervous teenage girl heads toward the building. It’s 4:00 in the afternoon, and rush hour traffic has slowed so the looky loos can snap a picture of the disturbance with their cell phone cameras. The anxious girl hides her face, painfully aware someone passing by may recognize her, but she bravely trudges past the protesters. Some merely stare at her accusingly. Others hiss words meant to shame her. She wants to run away, but she has no money, and there is nowhere else she can go for help. Hers is a torment that cannot be prayed away. Her eyes fill with tears, but she refuses to let them fall. She keeps her gaze on the entrance; five more steps, three, two. One more step and a push of the door and this nightmare will be over. Inside she will find medical help. She will find compassion without judgment. After weeks of suffering, of tossing and turning and worrying about what she was going to do, the teen is about to find someone who will help her end her unwanted……… yeast infection.

No, I did not get that diagnosis wrong. Family Planning Services in Wausau does not offer abortion services. In fact, they are forbidden by the terms of their state grants from even referring a woman to an abortion provider. (Remind me to do a column about that little piece of injustice sometime.) What FPHS does, is help pregnant women of low to moderate means to have healthy babies. They educate young people about contraception and STDs. They help women (and men) avoid pregnancies that would end in abortions. Their WIC program gets fresh vegetables and fruits from local farmers into the diets of mothers and their young children. You would think the Catholics, with their history of community charity, would be holding fundraising Bingo nights and bake sales to help them. But nope, they have opted to go the pageant route instead.

Year after year, Catholics from two local parishes come and protest outside the Wausau FPHS Clinic. Most are members of 40 Days For Life, an anti-choice group whose national website boasts McDonald’s style: Over 700 babies saved! The mission of the group is to hold a 40-day vigil at abortion providers each year, but since the small number of Wausau members can’t sustain such a prolonged occupation, and since they don’t have an actual abortion provider close by to harass, the Wausau branch of 40 Days For Life schedules an opening and a closing ceremony 40 days apart, in front of FPHS. The priests put on flowing robes and fancy vestments, and Knights of Columbus members don color-coordinated capes and sashes, and they lead a ragtag parade of true believers around the block, before settling in front of the clinic to glower at FPHS clients who are – not having abortions.

After years of suffering patiently through the 40 Days of Life protests, last week, Lon Newman, Executive Director of FPHS, had an idea. In a surprise move that made me think about General Mills management, who cleverly had employees offer refreshments to anti-gay marriage protesters dumping cereal in front of their Minnesota offices, Lon decided, if company was coming, why not put up some decorations and make a party out of it? So, last week, when he knew the protesters would be arriving for their closing ceremony, he rented two 18 foot red inflatable dancing tubes to give them a warm Wausau welcome.

 The balloons immediately brought a festive air to the day. The wind was brisk that afternoon and the two tubes danced together merrily, oft-times friskily, under the banner on the clinic that reads “Birth Control Is Health Care.” The children visiting the clinic were enchanted. Suddenly, it was the balloon dance that drew the attention of the passing drivers, and not the depressive 40 Days of Life parade. The clients of FPHS were instantly relieved of their long walk of shame by the happy distraction the balloons created. And as an unintended but ironic bonus, the two 18 foot red cylinders tangoed together with unmistakable phallic symbolism.

Lon told me he shared a laugh over this unintended aspect of the tangling tubes with our first openly gay Senator-Elect, Tammy Baldwin, at an event they both attended this week. “So they looked gay, Lon?” She asked, obviously amused. “Yes, they were really quite affectionate.” Lon admitted. The Catholics, however failed to see the humor. They held their initial prayer service in the driveway of a house around the block, away from the amorous balloons, before approaching the clinic to save the babies who were… know, not being aborted.

What is even more noteworthy than the discomfiture of the protesters was the brilliance of Family Planning’s balloon idea, bright, happy, joy-affirming symbols that bolstered community spirits and quietly, without violence or angry rhetoric, made an unmistakable statement on behalf of its beleaguered clients: Women are not bit players in a dark passion play. Look up. Look away from these men in their silly costumes. Look at the faces of our children laughing. This is where you will find life!”

FPHS is a vital part of the Wausau community. The women living there want and need its services. Without fanfare or fancy costumes, the clinic saves the lives of the already born, not for 40 days, but 365 days a year. How limited the vision of those who would seek to take that safety net away.

While the 40 Days For Life Catholics might not have appreciated or even understood the balloon solution, I for one, am a huge fan. No violence. No confrontation. No police cordons or restraining orders. And, I think it has to be said, gay balloon porn is always a crowd-pleaser.

Lon Newman poked fun at the absurd and put smiles on worried faces. I find smiles very “Pro-Life” don’t you? This week, Lon Newman and his big red gay balloons danced their way into the hearts of the women of Wausau, and On Our Radar.



tncrmJean Ann Esselink is a straight friend to the gay community. Proud and loud Liberal. Closet writer of political fiction. Black sheep agnostic Democrat from a conservative Catholic family. Living in Northern Oakland County Michigan with Puck the Wonder Beagle.

Follow me on Twitter as @Uncucumbered or friend me on Facebook.

Photos by Dino Corvino and Frances Irwin of

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Huntercgo November 11, 2012 at 8:08 am

I love it. Maybe that's what's wrong with the protesters (aside from having nothing to protest) — they have no joy in their lives.

wildwildwest November 11, 2012 at 10:28 pm

No joy, and they look for something to hate. The life of Christian haters. That's why I call 'em Christain'ts.

barbonine November 11, 2012 at 12:46 pm

What the what?

What are the stupid priests trying to save babies and pregnant women from here, good health care?
Sure sounds like it…

Or are they so rabid that, denied an abortion clinic, any one that deals with women's health will do?
Marching in all their silly hats and costumes makes me want to go to a toy store and say, "MAY I HAVE TEN THOUSAND MARBLES, PLEASE?"

Honestly, this is asinine!

mosaickmind November 11, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Methinks thou doth protests too much..

olcranky November 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm

What FPHS does, is help pregnant women of low to moderate means to have healthy babies. They educate young people about contraception and STDs. They help women (and men) avoid pregnancies that would end in abortions. Their WIC program gets fresh vegetables and fruits from local farmers into the diets of mothers and their young children.

So now the Catholics are against healthy pregnancies resulting in healthy babies too?

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