Connect with us

Helpful Advice For LGBT People Wanting To Start A Family

Published

on

There are many choices for LGBT people interested in starting their own families, but how do you know which path is the right one for you? This article breaks down the various possibilities to help you make the right decision.

When my husband and I decided to expand our family, we started evaluating the best way to move forward. We didn’t realize researching the topic would be so challenging and time-consuming. What we found were that there were many choices for same-sex couples looking to have children; however, it was almost impossible to know about each of them, let alone research them.

What is an open adoption and how does it differ from adoption in general? What does co-parenting mean? These were terms I had never heard of before.

While researching all of these various methods and contacting different agencies, we eventually found the answers to many of our questions regarding costs, processes and legal issues. Lacking, however, were firsthand stories from people who had children themselves. What was it like for the people who went through the process? There was no human link to the very technical and clinical information we found regarding the process.

In the end, we felt open adoption was the right path for us. It was an amazing journey, but when reflecting back on it, I still wish we had more information going into the scenario. That’s why I wanted to make it easier for other people looking to expand their own families.

And that’s why I wrote, Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood, a new book you can check out on Amazon. It compares each family building path from the perspective of other couples that have already had families of their own.

Below, I will break down the five most common paths to parenthood with a brief introduction as to what you should know about each one before moving forward. Please keep in mind, these are only brief summaries. For more detailed information, take a look at my new book, Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood. 

Thunderclap_Campaign_-_Family_Version_(Final).jpg

OPEN ADOPTION

Open adoption was designed as a way to benefit all parties involved, giving everyone (the birthparents, the adoptive family and the child) more information about each other. With open adoption, the birthparents and the adoptive parents get to meet each other prior to the adoption taking place. They share information with each other and can remain in contact over the years.

There are numerous benefits to open adoption. Some examples include birthparents having the peace of mind of knowing their child is being raised in a safe and stable home, the adoptive family getting more information about their child’s family medical history and the child having the opportunity to know more about his or her biological heritage and background. Of course there are challenges too, like unpredictable waiting periods, emotional stress, adoption scams and the possibility that a match will fall through. A qualified and reputable adoption agency can help to alleviate some of the stress by weeding out potential scams and by providing emotional support to help you get through the obstacles that pop up along the way.

FOSTER CARE/FOSTER ADOPT

Foster care is a situation where minors are temporarily placed into safe environments in the event that they are unable to live safely with their families. Children can end up in foster care as a result of neglect, abuse, divorce, the death of a legal guardian or a plethora of other unfortunate and tragic events that could disrupt a home. Foster care is designed to be a temporary solution until a child can be reunited with his or her previous parents or guardians, meaning you will only be caring for the child during a short transition period. However, reunification is not always possible and sometimes this temporary care can lead to a more permanent situation through adoption.

It is important to fully understand a child’s background and how your life will be impacted before you decide to open up your home. If you choose to become a foster parent, you will play a vital role in adding stability to a child’s life by providing a safe and comforting home environment in his or her time of need. Also, there are still kids who get kicked out of their homes because of their sexual orientation or gender identity and it can be hard for LGBT children in foster care to find permanent homes. It’s also challenging to find people willing to take in a child living with HIV/AIDS. As a prospective LGBT parent, you are in a unique position to help kids in our community grow up in a safe, stable and accepting environment.

SURROGACY

A surrogate is a woman who carries or gives birth to a child on behalf of another person or couple. One of the benefits of surrogacy is that you have the opportunity to witness and be a part of the pregnancy journey. You can be present for sonograms, the baby’s first heartbeat and even the birth. All of that comes with a price, though. When taking into consideration the cost of hiring a surrogate, possibly paying a portion of the surrogate mother’s living expenses, the cost of the medical procedures, agency fees, lawyer fees and more, you’re looking at somewhere over $100,000. On top of that staggering number, many insurance companies will not cover the costs of the fertilization or delivery when using a surrogate. Surrogacy is by far the most expensive journey to parenthood.

Because of the large sums of money involved, you need to make sure you’re not being taken advantage of. There are plenty of scams that prey on unsuspecting people with dreams of building a family. Make sure you thoroughly research potential agencies prior to working with one. Don’t make your decision based on a well-designed website or the testimonials found there. Ask for references so that you can speak directly to people who have been through the program. Contact independent physicians, attorneys and mental health professionals for objective opinions about the agency and program you are considering. Also, make sure to seek the advice of an independent attorney who can oversee the process and advocate on your behalf.

Thomas___Carl_Family_Pic_2.jpg

Photo courtesy of Thomas Whaley

ASSISTED REPRODUCTION

When women decide to have children together, it is very common for them to choose assisted reproduction, and for one person in the relationship to carry the baby. There are many benefits to this, such as having the opportunity to go through the experience of being pregnant together and supporting each other along the way. As a couple, you can participate in various things together including doctor visits, Lamaze classes and even birth. You’ll also be involved in your child’s life from the moment he or she is conceived, having the opportunity to see the baby’s sonogram and even listen to your child’s first heartbeat. If you are both in the same room during the actual delivery, your partner or spouse can support you by holding your hand, helping you with your breathing and comforting you along the way.

If you choose to move forward with assisted reproduction, you’ll need to decide whether you would like to use a known donor (for example, an acquaintance or friend) or an unknown donor. There are advantages and disadvantages in both scenarios.

familyphoto-2.png

Photo courtesy of Sarah Gilbert

When the donor is known, your child can develop a relationship with them as he or she grows up. Your child will have a better understanding of where he or she came from and why he or she might have certain characteristics and traits. However, there is a greater risk that the donor may later try to claim parental rights. There may even be a possibility that you or your partner could lose custody. When using a known donor, it is recommended that you consult with an attorney specializing in Reproductive Law and have a Known Donor Agreement signed. Keep in mind that a Known Donor Agreement will not necessarily terminate the donor’s rights, even if it says so. That’s why consulting with an attorney beforehand is crucial, especially since the laws vary by state.

If you choose an unknown donor through a sperm bank, you’ll have access to the donor’s comprehensive medical history and the ability to control your child’s exposure to problematic genes. The specimens can also be quarantined and tested for sexually transmitted diseases. This can reduce the risk of passing anything on to you or your child. However, when using a sperm bank, the costs can add up tremendously depending on what services you select. Many insurance companies will not cover alternative insemination unless there is a diagnosis of “infertility” or if you have tried to inseminate without success for a period of time. Make sure you ask your health insurance company how they define infertility, what treatments are covered and if their policy covers insemination for same-sex couples.

Journey_to_Same-Sex_Parenthood.jpg

CO-PARENTING

Co-parenting is when two or more people in a platonic relationship raise children together. It’s most commonly seen when heterosexual couples separate but still have joint custody of their children. However, there are other instances where individuals decide to co-parent without ever being romantically involved. Think of it as a shared custody scenario without the ugly divorce.

Whenever additional people are involved in raising the child, there are many opportunities to create a more balanced life. While one parent or couple is taking care of the child, the other person or couple can catch up on things like sleep, chores, work-related activities or hobbies. This allows you to be more focused on your child when he or she is present. Because there is shared custody, you can also have free time while your child is staying with his or her other parents. This makes it easier to schedule date nights and have more alone time with your partner.

A well-thought-out co-parenting scenario can be great for everyone involved, including the children; however, that doesn’t mean there aren’t risks associated with it. If the moms have one set of rules at their house and the dads have another set of rules at theirs, things can get complicated very quickly. Jealousy can even creep in if people are not secure in the parenting relationship structure they’ve created. This can result in an uncomfortable situation for all involved. Making sure that everyone is on the same page in the beginning will make things easier later on down the road.

There can be legal complications too, since only a few states acknowledge that a child can have more than two legally-recognized parents. You may be able to do a third-parent adoption in some states, but it’s best to consult with a lawyer to fully understand your rights.

Please note, the above summaries are brief. For more detailed information, along with firsthand stories from other same-sex parents, legal tips, and the top questions you should ask yourself before moving forward, please read my book, Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood, published by New Horizon Press. It’s available now wherever books are sold.

 

Eric Rosswood is a regular contributor to the New Civil Rights Movement. He is also the author of Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood and the marriage equality children’s book, My Uncle’s Wedding, which received a proclamation from CA State Senator, Mark Leno. To learn more about Eric and his work, visit www.ericrosswood.com.

 

Continue Reading
Click to comment
 
 

Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. The New Civil Rights Movement depends on readers like you to meet our ongoing expenses and continue producing quality progressive journalism. Three Silicon Valley giants consume 70 percent of all online advertising dollars, so we need your help to continue doing what we do.

NCRM is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. From unflinching coverage of religious extremism, to spotlighting efforts to roll back our rights, NCRM continues to speak truth to power. America needs independent voices like NCRM to be sure no one is forgotten.

Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure NCRM remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to NCRM, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

OPINION

Trump Brags NYPD Showed Him ‘Love’ at Slain Officer’s Wake

Published

on

Donald Trump continued to use the killing of a New York City police officer as a campaign opportunity, declaring on Friday that mourners showed him “love” at Thursday’s wake, while he attacked Presidents Joe Biden, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton for not attending the event or calling the victim’s family.

“I support the police, I would say at the highest level by far, maybe double or triple,” Trump told Fox News’ Brian Kilmeade from his private jet (video below).

“And they knew that, that’s why when I walked in to that funeral parlor, it was like love,” Trump said, emphasizing the word “love.”

He said the three Democratic presidents, in New York City Thursday for a fundraiser, “didn’t even call the family,” before saying, “I’m not sure they’d take his call.”

There is no indication the three Democratic presidents had been invited, and a New York City police union had warned NYC Democratic leaders to not attend the funeral.

Kilmeade pointed out that two police commissioners greeted Trump, and the ex-president replied, saying, “it was almost affection in both cases.”

Trump went on to say, “the most important day in the history of our country is going to be November 5, that’s Election Day, it’s going to be November 5, that is the most important period of time, it’s the most important day in the history of our country.”

READ MORE: ‘Hunger Games at NBC News’: New McDaniel Revelations Have ‘Enraged’ Staffers, Report Says

He also told Kilmeade, “this country is going to hell. Our country is not respected any more, I say it in my rallies and my speeches, we’re a nation in decline.”

On Thursday, Trump attended the wake of the slain NYPD officer, Jonathan Diller. Before leaving, Trump, facing 88 criminal felony charges spoke to reporters, offering up some of his campaign rhetoric:

“We have to stop, we have to get back to law and order. We have to do a lot of things differently because this is not working. This is happening too often.”

Trump was invited to the wake by Republican Nassau County Executive Bruce Blakeman, according to The Daily Beast, which called out the ex-president for “hypocrisy.”

“He champions Jan. 6 cop-beaters one day and then pretends he cares about law enforcement the next,” wrote The Daily Beast’s Michael Daly. “Trump was apparently counting on everybody forgetting the 140 officers the DOJ says were assaulted at the Capitol by people he calls ‘patriots’ and ‘hostages.'”

Watch a short clip below or at this link.

READ MORE: Lawmaker Slammed for Claiming College Basketball Players Were Actually ‘Illegal Invaders’

Continue Reading

OPINION

‘Have to Get Back to Law and Order’: Trump Declares at NYPD Officer’s Wake

Published

on

Donald Trump attended the wake of the slain New York City police officer who was shot and killed while conducting a traffic stop this week. The four-times indicted ex-president demanded America “get back to law and order,” barely days after a New York judge imposed a gag order in the case where the presumptive Republican presidential nominee faces 34 felony counts for “falsifying New York business records in order to conceal damaging information and unlawful activity from American voters before and after the 2016 election,” according to the New York District Attorney.

That damaging information included hush money payments to several women including an adult film actress.

“We have to stop it,” Trump said Thursday, speaking before the cameras about crime as he stood under an umbrella in front of police officers. “We have to stop, we have to get back to law and order. We have to do a lot of things differently because this is not working. This is happening too often.”

“Police are the greatest people we have. There’s nothing and there’s nobody like them. And this should never happen,” Trump said as he lamented how repeat offenders “don’t learn because they don’t respect.”

READ MORE: Trump Campaign Says It Will Deploy ‘Soldiers’ to Polling Places

“We’ve got to toughen it up. We’ve got to strengthen it up. It should never be allowed things like they shouldn’t take place and to take place so often,” said Trump, who is out on bail and currently faces 88 felony charges after three were dropped.

The Trump campaign announced that the ex-president had been invited to attend the wake.

“President Trump is moved by the invitation to join NYPD Officer Jonathan Diller’s family and colleagues as they deal with his senseless and tragic death,” Trump campaign spokesperson Karoline Leavitt said, according to The Daily Beast.

The Associated Press added that “Trump has deplored crime in heavily Democratic cities, called for shoplifters to be shot immediately and wants to immunize police officers from lawsuits for potential misconduct. But he’s also demonized local prosecutors, the FBI and the Department of Justice over the criminal prosecutions he faces and the investigation while he was president into his first campaign’s interactions with Russia.”

“He has also embraced those imprisoned for their roles on the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, when a mob of his angry supporters overran police lines and Capitol and local police officers were attacked and beaten.”

Earlier on Thursday NBC News reported on Trump’s mischaracterizations of crime.

“Surging crime levels, out-of-control Democratic cities and ‘migrant crime,'” the network noted. “Former President Donald Trump regularly cites all three at his campaign rallies, in news releases and on Truth Social, often saying President Joe Biden and Democrats are to blame.”

READ MORE: ‘Hunger Games at NBC News’: New McDaniel Revelations Have ‘Enraged’ Staffers, Report Says

“But the crime picture Trump paints contrasts sharply with years of police and government data at both the local and national levels,” NBC added. “FBI statistics released this year suggested a steep drop in crime across the country last year. It’s a similar story across major cities, with violent crime down year over year in Chicago, New York and Washington, D.C.”

Watch Trump’s remarks below or at this link.

Continue Reading

OPINION

‘Hunger Games at NBC News’: New McDaniel Revelations Have ‘Enraged’ Staffers, Report Says

Published

on

The backlash from NBC News’ hiring of Ronna McDaniel is not over. New reporting from Puck, CNN, and The Washington Post reveals the considerable efforts from top NBC and MSNBC brass to recruit, hire, and support the former RNC chair who promoted false election claims, was allegedly involved in helping Donald Trump’s efforts to overturn the 2020 election results, and refused to say Joe Biden had been elected fairly.

Staffers at NBC News and MSNBC were outraged at McDaniel’s hiring, but new details about behind-the-scenes efforts reportedly have increased that outrage.

Some critics are either calling for resignations of NBC News and MSNBC  leadership, or questioning how long they can ride out the mess.

“What is Brian Roberts going to do?” CNN‘s Oliver Darcy asks. “The Comcast boss is watching an unceasing five-alarm fire rage at 30 Rock, scarring the reputation of NBC News and threatening to consume multiple parts of the Cesar Conde-run NBC Universal News Group.”

“Conde has lost control of his organization, prompting industry insiders to wonder how he continues to remain in his role as chairman of the NBC News Group. In the words of one veteran media executive I spoke to Wednesday, ‘It’s inconceivable that he should,'” Darcy writes, saying Conde’s actions and those of his top executives have “hosed gasoline” on the scandal.

READ MORE: Lawmaker Slammed for Claiming College Basketball Players Were Actually ‘Illegal Invaders’

That scandal involves these revelations from Puck’s Dylan Byers, who reports, “bringing McDaniel to 30 Rock had been part of a nearly two-month-long effort that was spearheaded by Budoff Brown and her boss, NBC News President Rebecca Blumenstein, with buy-in from Conde and his deputies at both NBC News and MSNBC.”

“Rashida Jones,” he adds, “the president of MSNBC, was very interested in having McDaniel appear as a contributor on her network, as well.”

But this bombshell has drawn a good deal of attention. Noting how Chuck Todd led off the very public pushback against the hiring of McDaniel, Byers reports, “On Sunday, Budoff Brown reached out to McDaniel’s aide and former chief of staff at the R.N.C., Richard Walters, to see if there were any friends or colleagues who could speak up on her behalf.”

“The two sides also discussed having these folks call attention to what they saw as a double standard—after all, this was the same network that was turning Psaki, a former Biden White House Press Secretary, into a Maddow-adjacent prime time star. Walters later assured Budoff Brown that they’d been able to advance conservative pushback on social media against Todd, specifically, and that this might give NBC News some cover, for which Budoff Brown thanked him.”

CNN, pointing to those details, adds, “staffers inside NBC News are enraged at the fact an executive would have engaged in such behavior.”

Former Chicago Tribune editor Mark Jacobs, who now writes about politics and the media, called for the firing of Jones, Blumenstein, and Budoff Brown.

Other critics are expressing concerns on multiple fronts.

READ MORE: Ronna McDaniel Is Just a ‘Normal’ Person Who ‘Never Denied the Election’ Says Hugh Hewitt

“It’s like the hunger games at @NBCNews. Every day new, horrible stories of journalism & corporate malpractice. Every single one of these managers must go,” observed Jennifer Schulze, a media critic who was a Chicago Sun-Times executive producer, WGN news director, and adjunct college professor of journalism.

She also highlights a Washington Post report that ropes NBC Nightly News anchor Lester Holt into the mess.

“Every @NBCNews exec who thought hiring a reputed liar & phony elector co-[conspirator] needs to resign or be fired,” Schulze says.

“The @NBCNews managers who recruited & signed an election denier should be out the door, too,” she adds. “Not only was it downright offensive to hire Ronna, it was journalism AND corporate malpractice.”

Pointing to his newsletter, former Obama senior advisor Dan Pfeiffer writes, “NBC’s ill-fated decision to hire Ronna McDaniel is a story of a media outlet unwilling to accept the ways Trump changed politics, but it’s also one of the best arguments for Dems need to build our media ecosystem ASAP.”

READ MORE: Comer Refuses to Investigate Trump Family Member Over ‘Influence Peddling’ Allegation

He calls McDaniel’s hiring “evidence” the media has “yet to accept the reality that this is not a normal election between a Republican and a Democrat.” And adds, “An [industry] that prizes objectivity above all else, is incapable of accurately covering an election where one candidate is a normal politician and the other is an insurrectionist. Many in the media would rather stumble into autocracy than take a side.”

Veteran journalist and Sirius XM host Michelangelo Signorile observes, “We couldn’t have asked for a better situation to shine a bright light on the corruption of the corporate media—and its impulse to legitimize MAGA extremism and lawbreakers for profit—than NBC’s hiring former RNC chair, election denier, and Trump enabler Ronna McDaniel.”

And he warns, “The forces that made the coup-plotting former RNC chair a paid contributor are still shaping news and information about this pivotal election.”

 

Continue Reading

Trending

Copyright © 2020 AlterNet Media.